In which the pond has a modest proposal for the Akker Dakker outrage police ...

The problem of what to do with the poor has always been with us, and is a peculiar burden that particularly torments the Terrorist reptiles ...

Of course Greg Hunters will have already pecked at the wiki listing for the good Dean's modest proposal, or devoured the actual text at Project Gutenberg here ...

More modern tabloid types with a taste for abject trash will take the time to read wowser Penbo, crow eater at large, in the Terror ...

Now there are a couple of post-modern post-ironic things to note about this splash, not least the outrage about the outrage police, on the left side, and then on the right side, a classic example of the Penbo outrage police at work ...

On the left, outrage at the outrage of holding a boozy beer at the footy; on the crow eating right, outrage at bludgers buying booze and perhaps even drinking it at the footy ...

Could there be a more useless, or socially detrimental activity, than scribbling an 'outrage police' column about people on the dole being on easy street and living a hammocked life of Riley for the Terror, except perhaps writing a post-reflexive blog about such outraged reptiles?

What earthly utility might arise from the pond deploring the mindless inanity of such scribblers - apart from wishing them a rich life on the dole at the next round of redundancies?

Should the pond, as a modest proposal, in the interim urge the reptiles to be bold and become the outrage police?

Here's a good start: anyone writing a column and expecting to get paid should have their lifestyle checked before receiving any money from News Corpse. A whiff of grog on the breath or a hint of gambling, and there'd be no pay, and instead a trip to the salt mine, or perhaps their children put to good Swiftian use ...

Of course Penbo was just one of the many the pond wouldn't mind checking for intoxicating substances, because all of them were barking at the moon in the usual way, suggesting that yet again mind-altering drugs were in play ...

Speaking of bigots showing their true colours - strange, after the recent legislation no mention by the Devine of fascism - the pond wanted someone who could match the onion muncher for righteous bigotry ...

Of course the onion muncher's daughter has come out to reveal her father is a backward looking dinosaur and luddite, with a bonus heartwarming commercial Instagram air about it, and no doubt Penbo is about to join the pond's campaign, its modest proposal, to ensure that any politician that misses a vote because they're pissed as a parrot should be reduced to living the life of Riley on the dole ... by golly, they'll be lolling in the hammocks in Canberra when that comes to pass ...

But back to the quest for the perfect bigot and for once, the pond thinks that Akker Dakker might have actually topped the Devine ...

Sweet long absent Jesus, he's channeling Nancy ...

The complacent, smug, preening fat owl of the remove is in a particularly fine forming of foaming, frenzied bullying this morning ... the only limitation perhaps an awareness that if he goes too far, he might find someone intent on reporting him to Penbo or the outrage police, and the next thing you know somebody would be checking him for white substances or alcohol...

With all the talk of robots in the air, some might wonder whether there's some kind of Siri simulator at work at the Terror, imitating Akker Dakker and churning out his columns, with just enough variations to suggest that they're original each week. But this would be to denigrate the prodigious capacity of Akker Dakker or deny his immense ability to imitate a mindless robot ...

Meanwhile, the main challenge for the pond is always what Bunter comparison to use ...smug traditional ...

... or historically evocative of an eternal state of mind, or mindlessness ...

Never mind, it's back to the bully in full rhetorical bullying mode ...

Oh indeed, indeed ... just say no...

... no problem ...

Now there's no point in actually engaging with all the bullying, or the litany, which is not only predictable but inanely repetitious, what with the litany resorting once more to Coopers and events in can-do Can-berra ...

It's best to tip-toe on as quickly as possible and get the bullying over ...

The pond looks forward to the day when an activist Akker Dakker starts quoting feminists demanding an end to the patriarchal repressive institution of marriage, but in the meantime suggests that the perfect solution to put an end to his bullying - a modest pond proposal if you like - is to offer him the dole and a hammock, so he and the other outrage police might swing in the indolent breeze and enjoy the rich lifestyle on offer ...

Of course they might find it a pinch to stay wired, and be forced to give up certain pleasures, but there's no societal gain without a little pain ...

And so to the United States, where gay marriage has already caused the complete destruction of Iberian Celtic culture and western civilisation with camel- and goat-herding Judeo-Christian theology not far behind, resulting in a dire threat tothe supply of pornography to hammocks around the land, and no wall on the horizon to save Ted or even the Donald...