In which Dame Slap disappoints with a pear-shaped effort, but there's always cartoons ...

Sadly the pond had to mark down Dame Slap this day and send her to a lunch-time slot.

You see, the most dangerous thing a reptile scribbler can attempt is humour. The chance of turning in a leaden effort is high ... partly because the reptiles are invariably comic themselves, and always chasing after dinging and donging clocks ...

The google splash hints at where we're heading, and it's way too much for your average koala to bear ...

Oh dear, if there's a BEAR in there, can Dame Slap's PEAR be far behind?

Now to be fair, and perhaps a tad sexist, and to mangle Dr Johnson in a way he deserves, "Madam, a reptile member of the commentariat attempting humour is like a dog's walking on her hind legs. It is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all ...

Meanwhile, there's more Moir here ... with a nifty stop action animation of drawing the onion muncher, as well as a business proposal ...

Back to Dame Slap and an immediate sense of dread, because she opens the second gobbet with "And now for the fun parts", which is a sure sign to the pond that it's off to the morgue to clutch a stray leg and a chopped-off arm, and a stray eye in formaldehyde, and other fun parts ...

It's such a laborious effort, a bit like Ann Coulter trying to crack a series of jokes, that the pond drifted off, and went to check on the Pope ... and he was offering a joke about Germany here ...

But the pond knew it had no excuse. It had started with Dame Slap doing BEAR and PEAR, and even if long ago it had gone pear-shaped, there was a last gobbet to do ...

The pond is sorry that Dame Slap turned in such a dud effort. 

Sure, there was the delight of the "that said," which is a classic "butt billy goat butt" move, which purports to provide a bit of balance by noting a few errors by the bank while the bulk of the piece is a celebration of the banks wearing a crown of thorns ...

And she does conclude with a splendid bout of paranoia, with everyone regulated to within an inch of their lives ... even if, "that said," the banks have been making out like bandits, and the suits are sobbing diamond tears into their champers ...

But speaking of Dame Slap's tendency to a rich kind of paranoia, it reminded the pond of her MAGA cap wearing days, not to mention her belief that we'd by now have a world government thanks to the UN's devious use of climate science ...

Perhaps it's about time now for her to doff her cap and scribble a fantasy about how the American dream has gone pear-shape ...

And now the pond's on a roll and ready for a few more MAGA cartoons, as a further apology for Dame Slap doing a ding dong dud...

By golly, they're good ...

Slubberdegullion:

"a slobbering or dirty fellow, a worthless sloven," 1610s, from slubber "to daub, smear; behave carelessly or negligently" (1520s), probably from Dutch or Low German (cf. slobber (v.)). Second element appears to be an attempt to imitate French; or perhaps it is French, related to Old French goalon "a sloven." Century Dictionary speculates the -de- means "insignificant" or else is from hobbledehoy. (here)

I didn't know from your voice you were such a fat slubberdegullion, there's more blubber on you than on a whole school of whales. Fidelis Morgan THE RIVAL QUEENS: A COUNTESS ASHBY DE LA ZOUCHE MYSTERY (2002) (here)

Jackanapes:

1. an impertinent, presumptuous person, especially a young man; whippersnapper. 
2. an impudent, mischievous child.
3. Archaic. an ape or monkey. 

1400-50; late Middle English Jakken-apes, literally, jack (i.e., man) of the ape, nickname of William de la Pole (1396-1450), Duke of Suffolk, whose badge was an ape's clog and chain (here)

And there's blatherskite here, and poltroon here ... and so to a few more cartoons ...