loon pond

Imagine, if you will, a newspaper chain always willing to highlight the 'no' case and make it the front page news of the weekend tree killer edition ...

Imagine, if you will, a busy bunch of reptiles in their Surry Hills bunker preparing a digital edition which mirrors the tree killer edition, and which sounds very disappointed that it couldn't celebrate a SSM clash in its own broadsheet tabloid way ...

Imagine this wretched excuse for outdoor dunny toilet paper then calling itself newspaper of the year on the basis of an awards system that would make a teacher's koala stamp seem like a meaningful competition.

Then imagine, if you can, the faux outrage and the indignation of the reptile commentariat at the perceived bias and outrageous lopsided coverage of the reptiles, as they constantly seek to help along the "no" case ...

Imagine, though it's exceedingly difficult, the wrath of a Dame Slap asking where's the headline saying "Malware kickstarts the Yes case ..."

Of course it's just an alternative bizarro world ...one the pond has been to before ...

Bizarro world has been adopted by all sorts of weirdos ...

But none have been weirder than Dame Slap, attempting her own bizarro world, apparently unaware that she's already beyond the valley of the weird ...

In that weird world, intolerance of opposition results in tolerating homophobes and bigots, in the hope and expectation that the homophobes and bigots, in appreciation of the tolerance, would turn around and behave in a tolerant way themselves ...

Only in Dame Slap's bizarro world ...

But why has she gone there? Well it's simple enough. You see, Dame Slap made the fatal announcement that she would vote 'yes', thereby putting herself in a desperate situation with the reptile base.

How to retrieve the situation, how to save face, how to ingratiate with the bigots and the homophobics and the fundamentalist Xians?

Blame the ABC?

Of course that goes without saying, that's reptile strategy 101, but another good way is to spend much energy, space and time berating the 'yes' cause ... while portraying the long-suffering Xians as persecuted, suffering martyrs ...

This involves running through the litany of grievances felt by the bigots and the homophobes in a way almost as stylised as a Kyrie Eleison ...

It requires skill, and a capacity to shriek in a high-pitched voice, but that's why the reptiles hired Dame Slap ... who else to construct a school of intolerance and bullying in the land above the faraway tree, and build a world out of bizarro bricks ...

Indeed, indeed, the freedom to buy and sell, where did it all go wrong?

Uh huh, now imagine a world where fundamentalists in many religions haven't spend the past couple of thousand years demonising gays and consigning them to hell, that's when they weren't facilitating the process by way of an earthly hanging or a burning or a stoning ...

Apparently Dame Slap can ...

It's as if the world the pond grew up in didn't exist in Dame Slap la la land, as if it was traditional religion that was persecuted, and gays strutted insolently about the streets of Tamworth fondling each other and affronting the delicate sensibilities of rural folk ... as if the cheeky buggers wouldn't have copped a bloody good bashing for their sins, while people whispered in worried voices if Johnny next door wasn't one of "them", and perhaps in need of chemical castration if not a whipping ...

The pond drifted back to those strange times when vicious teachers took it out on clocks for daring to say ding dong ...

Okay it's clear enough that the pond is bored to tears by Dame Slap. Her attempt at bizarro world is pathetic and obvious. We all know the sort of speech she likes ... you now, the gaystapo and the rainbow reich and all the rest of it ...

What she's really wanting to do is claw back her promise to vote 'yes' as much as she can and dog whistle to her preferred audience of bigots and homophobes, and add to their sense of paranoia, persecution, injustice and unfairness ...

What is funny is that somehow the bullying is all on one side, as if the hysterical ranting of Dame Slap herself, the raging and the shouting, doesn't constitute a form of bullying ... though her contempt for clocks daring to say ding dong has long been apparent ...

It might well be that this constant harping by the Murdochians could help a "no" vote get over the line, or close enough to produce a lingering bitterness, and a resentment, and a tainting of the result, such that it will be regarded as illegitimate.

However it turns out, it's a fair bet that Malware will be remembered in history - by the few who can be bothered to waste their memory cells - as the man who fucked the republic, the man who screwed broadband, the man who wasted every chance to produce considered policy in the light of climate science, preferring to pursue coal down dark alleys, and the man who made Daesh, Dame Slap and other religious fundamentalists cheer with joy at the chance to express their homophobia in a vastly expensive voluntary postal survey ... when an expert pollster could have been hired at a modest cost to note that as well as Malware being considered a singular failure in the public eye, the majority wouldn't mind if SSM came to pass ...

In short, in defeating the onion muncher he became the onion muncher ... and when he's given the flick and attempts to reinvent himself as a kind of wise and kindly elderly John Hewson or Malcolm Fraser, the pond will be the first to dance on his grave ... though the chance of him doing a John Howard must now be considered even money ...

Malware kick starts the no case for nattering negativity. Yes, that has a ring to it, and no need for Dame Slap's attempt at bizarro world ...

Never mind, we've heard it all before, as celebrated by First Dog, with the full doggy here ...