In which the Terrorists failing business model has only itself and its star bullying phobics to blame ...

The pond has to report, with some fair degree of gravitas, a matter of national concern, certainly a scandal, possibly a conspiracy ...

No, it's not the intertubes being as slow as a wet wick. That happens most days at the pond thanks to Malware's innovative leap into the future, but let us not speak of the pond's loathing for Malware of all kinds ...

Instead look closely above at what the reptiles have highlighted this digital Sunday, and you too will share the pond's grave concerns...

There's Peta prattling and there's breastfeeding. It's not as if there weren't other choices ... as can be discovered when clicking through to the opinion pieces of the day ...

Yes, there squeezed between the child brides and the breastfeeding is Miranda the Devine, and there between the breastfeeding and the expert driver is Akker Dakker ...naturally musing on an unhealthy obsession with sex, and perhaps breasts ...

And nota bene, neither have the badge of a Premium + article. That honour is reserved for Peta and the expert driver ...

Now the pond has every confidence that the Devine and Akker Dakker will at some point turn up on the rotating land at the top of the Terror faraway tree, but it's a measure of how far they've fallen that it should come to this ...

Yet it's not as if the Devine isn't in top screeching form ...

Indeed, indeed, the Terror is the first amongst many fine lizard of Oz papers that have never displayed the slightest shred of ill-will towards Islamics or pesky furriners in general ...

 

And you can multiply those examples of urbane tolerance and generosity by the hundreds ... 

Why the Devine is herself exceptionally tolerant, though it has to be said that it's disappointing that Hanson's party is so timid on climate science and Islamic terrorism ... while the Devine herself is forced to live in cringing, craven, cowering fear ...

Um, actually, very easily, at least if you look to the cringing, cowering, fear-laden Devine ...

Anyone who can blithely ignore the White Australia policy and celebrate the triumph of Australia's history is one of those classic bigots of the "I'm not a racist ... but", school of butt billy goat butt racism ...

Yes, it would all be very simple if there weren't any of those difficult pesky furriners around. 

And it goes without saying that the routine hysteria and demonising that the far right and the Bolter and the Devine and all the rest of the rabid pack have had nothing to do with Australia carrying on the proud traditions of the White Australia policy ... (and let's not forget Arthur Calwell while we're at it ...)

And it being the Devine, it would have been a proper column if she hadn't exercised the opportunity to go rabid about Safe Schools one more time ... because it doesn't matter whether she's demonising Islamics or gays, the important thing is that the demonising is done ...

The pond wonders if Piccoli will make it to the end of the year, and whether Baird himself is safe. 

Caring about the dishlickers, getting agitated about bullying in schools? It's positively un-Christian, and the Terrorists are always eager to test their flailing, failing capacity to white-ant, undermine and topple in the name of bigotry and fear ...

Piccoli must get up every day and splash himself with the pond's favourite eau de cologne ...

Speaking of which, the pond decided it would be remiss not to feature Akker Dakker himself something of an expert in the matter of verbal bullying and abuse, and so stage a double decker edition that would test the patience of Job ...

The fat owl of the remove was in exceptional form ...

Yes indeed, Darwin would be astonished to learn about the Clownfish, or the clown sometimes known as Akker Dakker, supreme in his ignorance ... 

What a pity that expert scientist Akker Dakker mentioned "creature" ... and so flung open the debate to all sorts of creatures, including but not limited to the Clownfish ...

Naughty, disobedient clownfish, but we're not doing science Nova style here, we're doing Akker Dakker and so ignorance must reign supreme, along with a hearty dose of verbal bullying ...must get the smirk working ...

Ah that's better, and so it's on with the smirking and the bullying ...

Yes, because post-operative transexuals are a notorious danger. 

Stark!

Why just look at the columnists they employ at the Terror ...

Of course if Akker Dakker doesn't like it here, perhaps he could shift to somewhere more in tune with his thinking. Say North Carolina ...

And then, to wrap it all up, the bullying Akker Dakker reaches out to a soul mate, always ready to bully, and so the conflation of TG, safe schools, and SSM can be made complete, in a tidy package of phobias and bile ...

What is it about Akker Dakker?, some might ask. 

Bloated, entirely without compassion, scribbling oodles of odes of bile and hate each week, while millions struggle to survive ...

Who knows, it's the Terrorist way. Send in the head kickers and the boot lickers and imagine that it's some kind of business model that will future proof them ...

But if we're talking of survival, there are many ways to go about it, and perhaps they should heed the ways of the clownfish ...

Speaking of Don Quixote tilting at windmills - one of the pond's favourite books and characters, and one that echoes in the mind whenever Miranda the Devine and Akker Dakker turn up - those brave and valiant souls who made it through this double bunger epic might enjoy this Martin Rowson cartoon ... and more Rowson here ...