In which the pond swills a beer with the Order of Lenin hunter ...

Each Monday the pond is intrigued by what fresh insight the major Mitchell can produce, and today it's the old saw that you need to be as pissed as a parrot to really understand societal trends ...

Ah the good old days of the picket fence, women behind the bar and men indulging in the swill ...

Or did he really mean to say that?

Never mind, it's equally fatuous. It's one of those ideological statements which could be matched by "delusional reptiles at lizard Oz have no empathy for great middle ground", and soon enough there could be a shouting match and then a bar room brawl to sort the matter out ...

No doubt the major Mitchell will deploy this as a rhetorical device, as a way of assuring everyone that he's a centrist rather than someone to the right of the mighty Khan.

But did the major Mitchell really say that journos need to spend more time in the pub, as opposed to say, spending more time with family, or spending more time contributing to society, or spending more time doing good and noble things?

Nope, thus far all that's really on view here - in a column which astutely avoids any actual examples of a genuine understanding of issues - is a simpering adulation of the Bolter, and a sense that this kind of simpering adulation might be best disguised by giving an honourable mention to the "diminutive" Burney ...

A couple of other feathers in the major Mitchell plumage were also on show - the obligatory paranoia about the ABC, as if the received reptile wisdom is somehow superior and the reptile bunker in no way comparable ... though there's every sign that the Oz kool aid is even more effective in its capacity for over-powering alternative views ...

And then there's the obsession with the Twittersphere and the young ... you don't have to be a Freudian or even have a couch to understand the festering resentment in those lines about young Lefty tyros being rewarded for sharp opinions and violently executed tweets.

This from a major Mitchell who was rewarded for sharp Order of Lenin hunting and violently executed headlines ...

It's not the "lefty" tag that's revealing. The real crime is "young."

It is of course classic 'old angry man shouts at clouds and younger people who might disagree with him' syndrome, a condition Mitchell has been displaying since given the freedom to be a "look at me, look at me" columnist ...

But did he really mention the pub as the source of enlightenment and wisdom?

Hey nonny no, chug it down and on we go ...

Yes, there's someone who's been getting on the piss far too regularly. 

Anyone who could scribble a line about the sheer brutality of the Left and the vile reaction to Christians in the same sex marriage debate must needs have drunk a bucketful to have forgotten the two thousand odd years of bigotry, bile and prejudice dumped on the homosexual community ...

Where was the pisspot major Mitchell when it came to the Turing effect?

So many lives destroyed by bigotry and hate, and yet the major Mitchell reserves the use of "vile" for supporters of SSM ...

And then came something even more tragic and pathetic ... the suggestion that the Bolter and other reptiles try walking a mile in another's shoes ...

So that's what a love of a good red and a good opera is all about? 

The one thing that the documentary featuring Burney and the Bolter established is that the Bolter is a classic urban ponce of the first water, the kind of beast that the reptiles routinely satirise as being out of touch and living in a sheltered space, with dogs for walkies, bonus clogs and memories of tulips ...

The pond confesses to having stopped watching at this point, but it was enough to suggest that it's unlikely you'll find the Bolter comfortable and at home down at the pub indulging in the swill of ideas and beer ...

And perhaps that's just as well, because the idea that you can sort things out at the bottom of a beer glass is one of the more fatuous nineteen fifties notion that apparently still bedevils old school journalists from Queensland ...

Thankfully those days in all their glory have gone ... 

... though the swillers still linger and since they've been evicted from the city, have helped sway the hate crime statistics in the inner west ...

Oh the wisdom of the crowds, the wisdom of the pubs ...

Well for that suggestion, there can be only one suitable reward ... with authentic, genuine documentation, extensively researched by a horde of Currish Snail reporters ...