Day 90 of MUC and day 43 of MOC, and the pond is defeated by a terrible dilemma involving the fearless Order of Lenin hunter ...

The pond faces a terrible dilemma ...

It's not that the Sunday Terror has suddenly gone sentimental leftie and is worried about government programs this day ...

It's not the job of finding easy copy, what with the Terror's hardened harridans of hell speaking in an agitated way ...

Indeed, indeed, but whatever we do, let us not talk of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan conducted by a Christian Crusader nation, or for that matter the adventures in Libya and Syria, and the gulag known as Gaza...

Instead the onion muncher must be channeled, and fear must be lathered and spread.

While in the middle east (to revert to ancient British terminology and notions of empire) - put it another way, while in the middle west - the pond can recommend Tom Bissell in Harpers writing My Holy Land Vacation Touring Israel with 450 Christian Zionists and the revolt on the bus, outside the paywall for the moment (has a desperate Harpers had to change its approach to the intertubes?)

But back to the terrible dilemma. It isn't as if the thoughtful Miranda the Devine hasn't dolloped out this day the usual baleful poisonous essence of Devine ...

Yes, what about the homophobes of other churches? Are they all out of love, when surely they deserve their share?

Shouldn't the gay marriage haters be pandered to, wherever they might be found?  What about scientology? Is ignoring this wonderful religion, and the spaghetti lovers as well, the right way to go, when you've bunged on a do that is designed to be inclusive at the time of Ramadan (pity about some of the inclusions)?

Surely it needn't just have been about Ramadan? What about this Sunday being Pentecost for the Antiochian Orthodox Christian Church and Ukrainian Catholics and Egyptian Coptic Orthodox and the Greek Orthodox and Romanian St George Orthodox and Russian and Serbian Orthodox?

Now sure the Catholics might only be in the Sundays of the Eleventh and Twelfth Week of Ordinary Time, but there's no doubt these are just as important as Ramadan, and therefore, Malware should have sat next to the Tykes and the angry Sydney Anglicans and told the Islamics to bugger off.

Oh the joys of seating, which has always caused the pond terrible trouble ...

But at least we know we can be terribly happy getting donations from a cult, the Exclusive Brethren ... why there's a cult that deserves a place at the table, because they do the decent thing and pay their way: 'No complaints': Malcolm Turnbull defends Brethren donations to Liberal Party.

As for Malware, mean Pope skewered him in a fine way ... and more Pope here ... (it's understood the name is multi-faith).

The pond likes to imagine that the Devine, Peta the scourge, the onion muncher, and all the reptiles of Oz make up that dinosaur happily munching on safe schools and gay marriage ...

But let's not forget that the gay-hating Exclusive Brethren helped provide Malware with his plate of besan laddu (so handy when wanting to be fully inclusive).

But none of this has to do with the pond's dilemma.

You see, each Saturday these days the reptiles run by one of the country's most expert Order of Lenin hunters, a man who made his name by turning the lizard Oz into base metal (why didn't Malware invite the odd alchemist and Jungian to his feast?)

The pond would like to mock Mitchell. After all, turning the Oz into a rabid attack dog down there with the Currish Snail and the Terrorists is an achievement worth celebrating.

And yet when it actually comes to reading and commenting on Mitchell's output, the pond quails.

As a columnist, Mitchell makes 'Ned' Kelly seem like a livewire ...

All he's got is recycling Peta Credlin and Mark Latham? And abusing Bruce Springsteen for being a success (his father was a bus driver, yet we're supposed to fawn over Malware's father?)

Oh and traducing junior Woodchucks, who have infinitely more awareness in their fingertip than Unca Donald and Unca Chris have in their entirety ...

And that's the terrible dilemma. As a scribbler, Mitchell might make a good editor, except we already know he made a terrible editor, which is possibly why he's turned into a terribly tedious scribbler ...

What's the bet he'll mention Peter Dutton and yet not mention the only interesting story, which featured Dutton yet again jonesing for the return of the onion muncher?

Oh wait, that's only so Mitchell can himself celebrate Abbott looking good in hindsight ... because we all love a barbecue-stopping knighthood ..

It is in the end a fatally flawed and misconceived exercise, a kind of extended Cut and Paste, without even the malicious style of that useless thing, and without any fresh and useful insights.

There's not even eccentricity of the usual reptile kind ...

The pond can't see it lasting, but then the pond could never see a reason for Paul 'Ned' Kelly to dodder on, but look, there he goes, still doddering ...

And so to a couple of nicely eccentric touches, up there with an acceptance of fundamentalist Xian cults ...