Exciting week coming up in loon pond.
But why not spare a moment for The Secrets of Droon, The Coiled Viper, by Tony Abbott.
Oh okay, I fess up, this Tony Abbott is the author of more than fifty novels for young readers, including more than thirty books in The Secrets of Droon series, as well two hardcover novels, Kringle and Firegirl. And he was born in Ohio and now lives in Connecticut with his wife and daughters.
Drat. It seemed so true and right and just. The coiled viper. Tony Abbott!
But in an alternate universe, did the American Tony Abbott channel our own Tony Abbott down under, with his tale of a coiled viper, an ancient magical object of unknown incredible power? With brave lads reaching for the source of power, the mastery of the universe, like Gollum reaching for his precious?
Gandalf: Don't... tempt me Frodo! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand, Frodo. I would use this ring from a desire to do good... But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.
Gollum: It came to me, my own, my love... my... preciousssss.
Meantime, what a fine squawking there'll be this week on the pond. Give the ring to Mr. Abbott, we say, let's see what he can do with his ... preciousssss coiled viper.
Meantime, over at the Herald, Paul Sheehan is of course writing about the leadership issue - so many loons, and only one subject of conversation - but in the process, his column Malcolm and the mincer does contain a few classic Sheehan moments.
First up, if anyone has ever talked to you about the urban elites, ask them if they can write this kind of opener:
I have been waiting for this civil war since August 12, the night I went to dinner at the Cape Cod restaurant in Canberra. It's an excellent little seafood restaurant tucked into the Deakin shopping centre not far from Parliament House. It is also a haunt of Senator Nick Minchin. We dined together that night.
Yep, if you're going to open a column with a poncy bit of posing, that's about as good as it gets (and never mind the delusion that you can find an excellent restaurant in Canberra). Oh okay, it would have been better if instead of fish, he'd talked of eating liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti, but he can only get better, as he moves from fifteen buck loaves of bread to a column on dining out in Canberra with movers and shakers.
But then it gets even more flavoursome - do I detect a hint of tarragon in vinegar? - as the behind closed doors couple of Sheehan and Minchin have an anxiety attack about the Australian economy:
This was even before he got to the issue of climate change science, which Minchin regards as highly contested.
Here is the core point, the source of the heat. This civil war is about bad legislation, not bad science. It is not a choice between climate rationalists and climate deniers as the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition, in their surreal and self-serving mutual agreement, would have us believe.
Bad legislation, not bad science? But I thought it was about an international leftist conspiracy, as outlined by Nick Minchin?
...NICK MINCHIN: I frankly strongly object to you know, politicians and others trying to terrify 12 year old girls that their planet's about to melt, you know. I mean really it is appalling some of that that sort of behaviour.
SARAH FERGUSON: Angry about what he sees as the indoctrination of children, he blames the left.
NICK MINCHIN: For the extreme left it provides the opportunity to do what they've always wanted to do, to sort of de-industrialise the western world. You know the collapse of communism was a disaster for the left, and the, and really they embraced environmentalism as their new religion.
SARAH FERGUSON: Minchin encourages his junior colleagues to speak out too.
NICK MINCHIN: I don't mind being branded a sceptic about the theory that that human emissions and CO2 are the main driver of global change - of global warming. I don't accept that and I've said that publically. I guess if I can say it, I would hope that others would feel free to do so.
You can of course watch the video on demand program, frolic through the transcript, and otherwise enjoy the Ziegfeld Liberal Follies of 'o9 by going to the Four Corners site here.
At the time, the Nick Minchin performance attracted the odd severe comment, as it put him out there with mad uncle Wilson "Ironbar" Tuckey.
One Liberal frontbencher told The Australian that Senator Minchin came across as a "complete fruit loop" when he suggested climate change was a left-wing conspiracy. "Border control is going along a treat and they come out behaving like total f ... wits. They don't know how crazy they look, because crazy people never do," the Liberal said.
Liberal MP Mal Washer said Senator Minchin "wouldn't have a clue" when he suggested a majority of Liberals rejected man-made climate change.
"I don't dislike Nick. But to go public on it while we're still trying to negotiate is to say the least bloody unhelpful," Dr Washer said. "Frankly, he wouldn't have a clue. He's out of touch. (here).
Well now the fruitloops are in charge of the henhouse, and Sheehan is giving them the velvet glove and a soft ride, and it is of course impossible to have a meaningful dialogue about what might constitute a good means of addressing climate change, including the current legislation, if (a) you don't believe people have anything to do with it and (b) it's a vast left wing conspiracy to alter lifestyles and ruin economies and scare children.
Sheehan mentions nothing of this, but then what can you expect from someone who had the scales torn from his eyes by Ian Plimer, so that he came to understand that rather than a left wing conspiracy, or a scientific theory with plenty of considered exponents, the climate change debate is in fact a religious one, with scientists as the theologians in chief. (Beware the climate of conformity).
The setting up by the UN of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change in 1988 gave an opportunity to make global warming the main theme of environmental groups. "The IPCC process is related to environmental activism, politics and opportunism. It is unrelated to science. Current zeal around human-induced climate change is comparable to the certainty professed by Creationists or religious fundamentalists."
Yep, two soul mates chatting over fish in Canberra, and yep, for hypocritical dissembling, Sheehan is right up there with Minchin.
Still, poor Malcolm is no longer in the middle - once the eastern suburbs pronounces a shunning on their own, you know it's all over:
He may survive this political civil war. He may even seek and win re-election tomorrow. But he will never, ever, enjoy the confidence of the electorate. The only question remains is how much damage Malcolm Bligh Turnbull will cause on his way out.
Enjoy the confidence of the electorate? Surely he means enjoy the confidence of Nick Minchin and Paul Sheehan? Unless of course, on a world view, from the god given perspective of the fish eaters of Canberra, Paul Sheehan and Nick Minchin are the electorate?
Well as usual this site is full of bright ideas (Another bright idea Parker? Okay, I'll regret it but tell the rest of the class), so we have a compromise proposal that will surely appeal to the electorate of Paul Sheehan and Nick Minchin.
First the Liberals will ignore our suggestion of Tony Abbott for the top job, calling it as the idle mischief-making it is, and then they appoint that used car salesman, Jolly Joe Hockey for the gig, thereby appointing a marshmallow man with no substance to make a deal with the Neanderthals. The theologically flabby Hockey, who only wants to please and be loved, will do the dirty work on the current legislation, but he can't last. He doesn't know how to beguile and contrive solutions that will appeal to the Neanderthals.
What's needed is a skilled negotiator. So jolly Joe Hockey sticks should be viewed as a place holder. And then the Libs parachute in to the party a new leader via the Bradfield by-election.
Voters of Manly, we unveil your new candidate, who is by all accounts aware of the power of the ring:
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