Chairman Rudd, the ACL, the loony party and putting children last ...

(Above: never much at stadium rock, always best as a studio band, but you catch the drift).

Poor Canberra. First it was infested with witchcraft and satanism and needed the cleansing hand of the Catch the Fire ministry.

Now it's been infested by a flock of Christians. Quick bring me a silver bullet, some garlic, a wooden stake, and a bottle of Evian water blessed by that deviant Harry Potter.

These days the Catch the Fire crowd are hot to trot on Scientology (here). Set a pack of loons to catch a pack of loons, I say.

We at CTFM also have some very highly confidential information regarding the increasing exposure of Witchcraft, Freemasonry, Illuminati, and other Satanic activities. Please pray for the Lord’s angelic protection for Pastor Daniel, his family, the families of CTFM, and all the other people (even non-Christians) that the Spirit of God is currently using to expose this evil in our nation. Also pray that the Lord God Almighty will give Pas Daniel wisdom, boldness, and discernment on how to best handle this spiritual warfare battle for the maximum advancement of the glory and Kingdom of God. This issue is very, very serious, but thank God that the battle belongs to Him and the victory is ours in the Name of Jesus!

Dear lord, that sets the tone for loon pond on a day hot enough to melt anyone except the valiant Tim Blair and his comrade in arms, Chairman Fred Nile.

But back to Canberra, regularly infested by politicians and bureaucrats, and now the flock of Christians who've descended on it.

It's the national conference organized by the Australian Christian Lobby, and in a canny move, it's made it all about the kids: Building a nation of character Putting Kids First.

Oh if you're walking around the inner city of Sydney anytime, I absolutely deny putting up graffiti which reads Fuck the kids, put them last, or Australia: a nation of mad fucking Christian characters.

Doing that sort of thing is against the law, and piety, and besides have you priced a decent can of spray paint these days?

The good news - there's always good news when Christians are hot gospelling - is that our beloved leader Chairman Rudd, will address the national conference with a keynote address, thereby implicitly endorsing Jim Wallace and the ACL agenda, in a move reminiscent of Chairman Howard, and reminding us that the new leader is much the same as the old leader. And we always get fooled again.

Well it gets even better, because last night while I was off listening to atheist music in that temple to secularism the Opera House, the Christians were hunkering down in Canberra to a dinner with Cardinal George Pell, sponsored by Compassion.

That's right, the heresy of Pellism alive and eating food in Canberra. Sydney Pellists at the heart of the battle against heathenism in that secular leftie enclave where some tend to think homosexuals are people too.

Other sessions include the standard stuff about challenging the sexualisation of girls (why did the lord allow us to be born as sexual beings, sob, was it a devious fiendish device to allow us to be sexualized and perverted?) while another will be brooding about what's happening to our boys.

Well perhaps if you send them off to a Catholic institution you might have reason to worry about what's happening to your boy, but keep them away from priests and perhaps all will be well.

It would be remiss of me not to provide my standard link to the ACL website, here, where you can frolic amongst their many concerns, all given implicit endorsement by Chairman Rudd fronting their conference as keynote speaker.

Yep instead of being a ratbag fringe lobby group, they're serious players, worthy of prime ministerial acknowledgment and recognition, in much the same way as that pious prat Peter Costello lit the fire under that ratbag Catch the Fire ministry by always being willing to take phone calls and make the odd Australia Day video for Pastor Danny.

At the ACL site, you can catch pdfs on the valuable role played by chaplains in schools, and the dangers of climate change delusionists, and the public outcry over Packed to the Rafters, and the public cry over gay civil unions in Canberra. And so forth and so on and mindboggingly etecetera.

A few devoted secularists have tried to strike back. It's surely no coincidence that Adele Horin led off on her piece Bigots drive gay marriage ban with this:

Kevin Rudd's courting of the redneck minority is evident, not only in his contortions on refugees, but in his opposition to gay marriage. Why a Labor government committed to equality is opposed to gay marriage is a mystery to me. Base political motives can be the only explanation. The redneck and religious minority they seek to pacify is at heart motivated by a disgust of homosexuality. It should not be appeased.

Over at Crikey, former Democrats senator Brian Greig offered up Rudd's divorced from reality when it comes to gay marriage:

Federal Labor has run out of excuses. Since 2004, it has trotted out a series of arguments to oppose same-sex marriage, and each one of them has subsequently tumbled away to reveal naked prejudice. Rudd has been mugged by reality, and the showdown will be this Saturday.

The Religious Right are gathering in Canberra this weekend and Rudd is the guest speaker. There is only one thing this audience want to hear from him. One thing only. They want him to announce that he will strike down the ACT’s recently amended Civil Partnerships Act.

Greig gloomily predicts that Rudd will announce he's quashing the legislation, thunderous applause will follow, and everyone will adjourn for a cup of tea and a milk arrowroot, moral decline averted.

Well if that happens, I'll be extremely pleased never to vote Labor again. Yes I once did, but in my defence I've also voted for the Happy Birthday party, and have always considered The Official Monster Raving Loony Party as one of the key emotional and spiritual keystones of this site (you can catch their manifesto here).

Next time you meet a Labor party supporter, perhaps you should invite them to consider a makeover, a re-branding, a re-positioning which will put them more at the heart of their mainstream political thinking:

Oh, and if you've made it this far, here's the lyrics to that song from long ago, an ode to cynicism which sadly Chairman Rudd is doing his level best to prove is cynically correct. Vote Labor? Well if you can just point me to the precise difference between Tweedledum and Tweedledee:

We'll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgment of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again

Change it had to come
We knew it all along
We were liberated from the fall that's all
But the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they all flown in the last war

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

I'll move myself and my family aside
If we happen to be left half alive
I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky
For I know that the hypnotized never lie

Do ya?


There's nothing in the street
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the parting on the left
Is now the parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

Sigh. What was that bit about hoping to die before I got old?