Joe Hockey, the bible, literalism, tolerance, diversity and all you need is love

(Above: The Ten Commandments. Oh just give me some of that luurve).

Hearty Joe Hockey shows why he's the best seller of used cars in the Liberal ranks today, with God is good, but just be sure not to take Him too literally.

Already Jolly 'hockey sticks' Joe has scored - at time of writing - comments heading towards the two hundred mark, which is not bad for an unremarkable piece of defensive writing trying to shore up Christianity against rampaging unbelievers.

Happily Joe offers up a relativist way of interpreting the Bible. You can take what you like, and leave the rest alone. Forget literalism:

One reason why Christian faith has declined in the West is because of the reliance placed on a literal reading of the testaments. Such an approach has tangled the Christian faith in a confusion of contradictions.

By encouraging literalist analysis of the Bible, many churches have inadvertently invited people to question the validity of a faith that seems to be based on questionable facts or outdated prescriptions.

Which is good as far as it goes, but it does leave the tricky issue of what to pick and then stick to. Jolly Joe makes a few obvious choices, such as perhaps thinking that maybe creationism, as debated in the Scopes trial, is past its use by date, as are the literal notions of Adam and Eve, Noah and the flood, and Jonah getting swallowed by a fish.

Well why stop there? Why not get rid of the absurd notion of transubstantiation, with its implicit cannibalism? Why not get rid of the whole box and dice, and take along the derivative texts that followed, like the Qur'an?

Jolly Joe almost begins to sound like those wretched atheists, Hitchens and Dawkins, whom he deplores:

Those of you who are political junkies will be avid watchers of The West Wing. You may recall an episode in which President Jed Bartlet confronts a right-wing radio host who has led a crusade against homosexuality based on biblical doctrine. Bartlet wonders that if he were to form his views on homosexuality based on the prescriptions of Leviticus whether he should also be following the guidance of the Old Testament in relation to the sale of his daughter into slavery; whether he should be putting to death his chief of staff for working on the Sabbath, or what he should be doing about footballers playing with a ball made of pigskin, or his wife for wearing cloth made from different threads.

Clearly Joe hasn't talked to the Jensenist and Pellist heretics about the deplorability of homosexuality, which makes daughter slavery seem like a jolly good idea.

Confronted by the outrageous Hitchens' suggestion that religion is a malevolent force, all Joe can come up with is love:

The God of my faith is not full of revenge, as the Old Testament would suggest with a literal interpretation. The God of my faith does not cause earthquakes or tsunamis as acts of retribution.

As the Pope identified in his recent encyclical Caritas in Veritate (Love in Truth): "Love is God's greatest gift to humanity, it is his promise and our hope."

It is not a loving God who wilfully inflicts pain and suffering. No God of any mainstream religion would do that if God's love is real.

But if love is all you need, why bother with the Bible at all? Why not just settle for a tuneful Beatles' melody and its heartfelt lyrics?

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy.
There's nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you
in time - It's easy.

All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.
All you need is love, all you need is love,
All you need is love, love, love is all you need.
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.
All you need is love, all you need is love ...

Never mind. If you want to find love in the bible, at least read the King James version for the language. But just as it seems like things are going swimmingly, Joe jumps the shark:

The Koran does not encourage Muslims to bomb buildings. God does not march off to war supporting one nation over another or the persecution of those of different creeds and colour. My God does not discriminate against women, or favour first born children over others. Nor does God support one political party.

All of these things have been claimed as acts of God at various times in our history. They provide easy targets for those who argue that religion causes harm rather than good. However, they are not propositions that I believe have any foundation in the mainstream religions.

Really? Mainstream religions don't discriminate against women? Not to mention a few of the other things jolly Joe jumps over with a blithe hop and a skip (like the Jensenists suggesting that god still likes to punish society for its evil doing ways via physical manifestations. Sure it's only one step apart from witch doctoring, but there you go.

Yep, go tell that to the Pellist heretics, and see how soon you find a female bishop donning a mitre.

And the shark just gets bigger when we get on to tolerance and religious diversity:

Australia has embraced religious diversity. It must always remain so, and as a Member of Parliament I am a custodian of that principle of tolerance. That is why it is disturbing to hear people rail against Muslims and Jews, or Pentecostals and Catholics. Australia must continue, without fear, to embrace diversity of faith provided that those gods are loving, compassionate and just.

Well it's just as disturbing to hear Catholics and Pentecostals and Muslims and Jews rail against homosexuals, or choice for women, or even dare we say it, pretending - after years of bashing humanists, and secularist and atheists, and splitters and heretics and anarchists - that now we should all be exercising tolerance. Now that the god botherers are in retreat and despair.

Well as it is given, so it shall be received, and this half-hearted exercise by Joe seems only to have got all sorts of people enraged, judging by the flurry of comments.

Not even his polytheism can save him, since it seems rather obvious even to a layperson that - if Christ said no one can get to heaven save through him - this might create a sticking point in much the same way as other religions create sticking points by insisting that no one can get to heaven save via their assortment of gods.

It's either all in, or tough luck. If the gods are so unloving, uncompassionate and injust, where's that going to leave their diverse flocks? Aping their betters?

Well we're all for diversity, and toleration, and hopefully at some point gays and women might find it amongst Christians and Muslims, though pardon me if I doubt it.

The real upsetting sticking point is that Joe fails to mention the most important issue when joining a church.

Forget about the pie in the sky, or the other by and by nonsense. Do they serve a good lamington, and scone with jam? Is the tea up to speed, and does the op shop offer decent bargains?

Just like the best bible stories always offer plentiful examples of heathens in a state of intoxicating undress as they go about their pagan rituals and sordid sexual couplings.

All the rest is mumbo jumbo, but in a good scone and a bodice ripper story there lies the possibility of human salvation ...

(Below: more Cecil B. de Mille Ten Commandments. Nothing like a bit of male flesh, a touch of bondage, orgies, and a hint of crumpet, something for every reader, even Mormon missionaries).

Oh yes!