There seemed to be only one sensible solution ... organise ...
The pond yesterday read the tree-killer Saturday Terror at the car wash and marvelled that people would pay to support such an ultimate sacrifice of trees.
It would probably have been even more amazing if the pond had turned up the car wash this Sunday, and been confronted by the Sunday Terror's dynamic duo ...
As always, the pond likes to give the Devine a break, as the rhetoric eerily begins to sound like Russia, North Korea and Donald Trump (who all think they can do business together):
Hey nonny no, the carbon arc lamp is working, the projector is firing, and the Devine is pounding out the usual stuff:
Oh indeed, indeed. Who'd have guessed that the gays would take the brunt of the Devine's bigoted rage.
But it was around this point, somewhat early in the piece, that the pond began to wonder if the local defence forces' dress wear was good enough.
Shouldn't there be more medals, shouldn't there be more gaiety? I mean, if you're going to campaign for public office, shouldn't there be gongs, lots of gongs, even a few gongs on the legs?
It seems like we're failing our politicians, and it also seems that the Devine can't pick the difference between serving politicians seeking to gain a political advantage and the defence forces seeking to interact with the assorted communities they serve - though the pond could get a tad agitated at the way you can always find the defence forces turning up in churches all over the land for sundry events and occasions.
Never mind, on we go, and no doubt all the usual hoppy Devine toads will come marching out. Surely this is the chance for some prime gay and Islamic bashing:
Dammit, the pond should have known it wasn't a matter of principle, effectively applied across all strata for all evens and occasions, it was only the persecution of a fundamentalist conservative Christian with a creationist dad and no doubt a correct attitude to climate science.
But it got the pond to brooding even more. Shouldn't, if we're heading in this direction, think about even more effective clobber for politicians wishing to parade their military prowess? There are many fine examples:
Oh indeed, indeed, the Devine is all in favour of manly men, and fiercely antagonistic to anti-male political feminism, and no doubt favours a decent medal count too:
Around this point in the marathon, it's usual for the pond to note that no sensible person has to do this.
There are many other things a sensible person might like to do. They could for example sneak out of the cinema and head off to Timothy Synder's excellent The Wars of Vladimir Putin, a review of three books for The NYRB, currently outside the paywall and providing a different kind of perspective on strutting macho militarists.
The pond's business plan is self-defeating - after all, anyone who spends their time being Devined and reading reptiles is certifiably able to claim a spot on loon pond.
Those who are addicted should make sure their popcorn level is high and they've got a healthy serve of soda - the pond always recommends at least 44 teaspoons of sugar in the large cup to ensure that there's the right level of tooth rot and a chance at diabetes.
And once you've loaded up, you'll in the right mood for a little quality Peta time where we get to channel the onion muncher brooding about Malware's failures ...
Lights please, projectionist ignite the carbon arc, and remember, we don't trust Mal, but oh, how we loved and trusted the onion muncher...
Ah, the good old 'climate science is crap' routine.
It's always safe, it's always reliable. And now it's time for the apocalypse. Not the climate one, the senate:
Indeed, indeed, as succinct a comparison of apples and oranges as could be managed in the circumstances, and a reminder of how well the onion muncher and his entourage managed negotiations with the cross-benches, no doubt ably helped by Peta and no doubt explaining why she rabbits on in a worried way ...
Okay, the pond gets it. In the spirit of a horror movie, and because the shocks and surprises have been so tedious to date, we have to wheel out Malware grappling with a python. Snakes on a political bandwagon.
Could the horror get any worse?
Well the tedious verbiage will continue, but can we have a visual shock? You know, like Vera creeping up behind the fruity mummy in the cellar, while the naked tungsten climate-affecting globe swings wildly through the air ...
Oh dear sweet long absent lord, it doesn't get any scarier than that. Won't someone think of the baby? The Shorten's got my baby ... (please remember your best Meryl Streep accent here).
And so to the wrap up of this horror show, which has run on far too long ...
There's something remarkably ironic in that last line - a bit like Tony Perkins saying that he wouldn't harm a fly - but for the life of the pond, we can't imagine what the irony is ...
And now, being a genuine marathon, there must be a third movie.
By this time all but the most hardened souls will have nodded off ... and who can blame those who flee the room at the mere sight of a dog botherer splash?
Relax. The whole point of a third movie in the marathon is that crow eaters and everybody else can nod off ... or will they start in fear at the alarming sight of that man whose name begins with an X?
Ah the onion muncher. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, always a contender, a man who delivered the structures, like copper connectivity, and now it's playing out ... real copper substance, in a multi-nodal way:
Again there's that obligatory nod to climate policy ... because things are going so swimmingly with the climate.
Oh okay, it was always going to play out this way, but by now some readers must be yearning for a genuine shock, a photo up there with the snake and the baby ...
Nope. That's an actual catastrophe, not the Senate, and involving the climate, and it doesn't feature Rusty playing Noah.
Okay it's time to wrap up the horror movie marathon ...
Yes indeed, we do know the bottom line ... or a likely bottom line from both major parties, if this at the ABC is any guide: Budget 2016: Deficit likely to keep blowing out, Deloitte forecast warns.
As for the climate, routinely disparaged in this sort of horror show, we also have a guide: Paris floods made almost twice as likely by climate change, say scientists.
Never mind, things are going to get pretty rough if Rupert and the reptiles have their way with a Brexit, and the Republicans unite around the Donald, as the Rupert has urged, and Russia and North Korea manage to get their preferred candidate over the line.
But there's always time for another movie marathon. In the meantime, at least your average ordinary horror movie now looks like fun for all the family ...