In which the Major presents for reptile duty, and a world war might yet be in the Xmas cards ...

 

 

 

To start on a high note for what is going to be a very low and dull start to the week for the lizard Oz, the pond invites stray readers to wonder what Dame Groan will have to say about this tomorrow, assuming she fronts and reads the reptile headline ...

It was back in June 2020 in the pond when there came a fierce groaning ...

 

 

Lift off soon? June 2020?

Dame Slap was as good at prophecy then as she's always been, and as for the fury and the fear when it came to pesky furriners, she was on song, sounding even better than Mehitabel ...
 

 

And yet here at last are the reptiles, shamelessly dancing with joy, and naturally standing by to take Clive's cash in the reptile claw ...

 

 

Okay, the pond has been practicing avoidance, because there's nothing much happening today, with most of the reptiles MIA, as the long march through the institutions and the lizard Oz takes us to Xmas ...

It goes without saying that the heroic Major presented for duty, but the pond wonders how much more ABC bashing it can take ...

 

 

 

The business of the reptiles is supposed to be content, and this is where reform of the Major and the lizard Oz generally should start ...

How much ABC bashing is a koala supposed to bear? Every day it's the ABC this, and the ABC that, and Ita this and Ita that, and truly, it's as boring as batshit, and the pond is really tired of it. 

How does anyone manage to stump up for a subscription knowing that all they'll be served by way of content is relentless ABC bashing, and the odd bit of climate science denialism, still surviving the supposed reptile reform to ancient, long held attitudes and platitudes?

Among the most highly strung and predictable of the reptiles' ABC bashers is the Major, at it again today ...

 

 

The pond realises that the reptiles aren't interested in content, and so you won't see stories about Australian war crimes in Afghanistan ... you'll have to head off to the Graudian a few days ago to see the latest state of play ...

A key recommendation of the Brereton report, released exactly one year ago, was that the Australian government provide redress to the families of victims, without waiting for prosecutions to conclude.
The report found “credible information” implicating 25 current or former Australian Defence Force personnel in the alleged unlawful killing of 39 people and the cruel treatment of two others in Afghanistan and recommended a number of cases be referred for investigation.
Defence has previously signalled it will release a compensation plan by the end of this year.
The plan is yet to be produced.

Might the Major have considered that sort of stonewalling more interesting than yet another bout of ABC bashing?

Of course not, so it's on with the bashing, and a little Sky loving, just so the lickspittle lovin' of the Chairman might be obvious ...

 

 

 

You have to admire the Major. Who else would manage to run a snap of that clown Shier with a straight face?

That said, apparently the Major is a very selective viewer and listener ... just type in a few relevant words and this is what you get ...

 

 

 

And so on ... only blind Freddy and the Major would fail to notice that India, China and Australia are among the most obvious laggards ...

Sorry, the pond can't link to all of them but a simple google will do the trick ... and in compensation, the pond will offer the Major a Wilcox instead to celebrate local action ...

 

 

 That little duck quacks a better quack than the Major's quacking ...

 

Speaking of the mango Mussolini and Russia, the pond recently read a piece by David Corn in Mother Jones. 

It ran on 19th November, and the pond will have to limit itself to the headlines ... The Steele Dossier and Donald Trump’s Betrayal of America How Russiagate denialists have tried to use the discredited memos to cover up the truth.

It goes without saying that Corn knows what he's talking about, which you can rarely say about the Major, still hunting for that long lost Order of Lenin medal ...

The Major is too busy reading the ABC's charter to check out matters of interest, and when it comes to what to do with the ABC, the Major is almost wantonly predictable - a bit like putting Paul Verhoeven and a gaggle of nuns together (pretty fair average Ken Russell) ...

Wondering how lesbian nuns got into the story?

Well the Major wants the ABC to be given a good krogering, which is pretty much up there with what the nuns were doing with that carved wooden image of the allegedly virgin Mary ...

 

 

It was such a pathetic krogering that the pond almost thought that sitting through the latest Bond or Dune again might be a better option ... almost, because the pond's masochism only extends so far, like to reading the Major on a Monday ...though perhaps getting out the old Catholic whip and flogging the back in approved Catholic boys' daily style might be a pleasant alternative ...

And so to a make-weight, with the pond's options severely limited ...

 

 

Talk about a flood of imported """'s ... and a bonus bit of nonsense from the lizard Oz, as if the new emperor and dictator for life was going to be reading the lizard Oz or do anything but troll the world with useless images and Zoom chats calling for privacy...

Speaking of China, that left Hugh White ... with good news that the war with China might yet start by Xmas ...

The pond was hoping to visit Melbourne over the break, but if we must begin a war, Xmas would be a good and novel routine, what with World 1 war one starting on 28th July 1914, the second world war on 1st September 1939, the Vietnam war on 1st November 1955, and the Korean War on 25th June 1950 ... or so google tells the pond, with some likely to quibble about that date for Vietnam ...

Still there seems to be something about the northern summer and autumn that sets things off, so a soggy, snowy southern winter start to a war would be a novelty, the sort of enticing trinket you might stuff in an Xmas stocking ...

Luckily the pond wasn't around when assorted politicians previously called each other's bluff, with an ultimatum here and an ultimatum there ...

 

... but clearly it's time to get it on again ...

Is there an upside? Well we could see some splendid front pages celebrating our subs at work ... and the reptiles might even spend a £1,000 or more on some snaps, as they once did for tanks ...

Second thoughts that might mean war by Xmas 2050, best get it on a tad earlier ...

Now around this point in the talk, there usually comes a billy goat butt ... of the usual kind, "of course, no one in Canberra or Washington wants a war, or expects one"...

But where's the fun in that? After all, we have the mutton Dutton, and lordy lordy, as Hugh noted, does he know how to stir the possum and catch a dragon by the tail, and get a goodly share of headlines with his bold warrior posturing ...

Egad, sir (and madam), the fiendish, deviant Chinese might yet feel a torpedo fired across their bow by our magnificent new fleet of submarines ...

Sorry, back to the billy goat butt ...

Say what? The presence or absence of the mutton Dutton would make very little difference? But isn't war gaming the start of the third world war immense fun ... what a pity there's only a gobbet to go ...

 

Not really. If everyone starts bombing the shit out of everything, climate change will seem like a walk in the park, especially if a really good war helps speed it up ...

No point worrying about a little warming if we really nuke the joint.

Oh yes, if we're going to fuck the planet, let's do it in right royal war-mongering style ...

And so to wrap up the good news with a fearless Rowe celebrating our fearless leader, just the right sort of Neville of the Shire, standing by to get things going as natural born liars are wont to do ... with more Rowe celebrations here ...