In which the pond celebrates the return of dashing Donners, and sets a couple of reptiles to a joust ...

Why not start with an infallible Pope, because in his usual infallible way, he presents the themes of the day … pesky furriners who can barely speak English, and magician's assistant Dan Tehan ...

But more of that later.

The pond woke up this morning thinking that the trouble is, of course, that the Chinese government is full of liars conforming to the party line. 

But then the Donald is also a serial liar of an astonishing kind. 

And the likes of Mike Pompeo are toadies, lackeys and liars, either fools or brainless, though perhaps both. Who else could contradict himself on the matter of a man-made virus within the space of fifteen seconds on American television for the world to see and marvel out?

And then there are the Murdochian reptiles, with Media Watch last night reminding the pond that Sharri Markson is the loathsome worst of the worst, and there was a reason that the pond stopped dealing with the Terror, the HUN and such like tabloid trash. Specious, brazen, distorting, virally infectious, deadly lumps of tree-killing stupidity.

It was all too much to bear, and as the infallible Pope had nominated the magician's assistant as a suitable topic for the day, the pond decided to forget about all that, and instead welcome back to the fold dashing Donners, who for far too long has been absent from the reptile pages, and so from the pond.

The reptiles seemed to recognise this by giving Donners an illustration, though it has to be said it’s of the second hand hack kind, and nowhere near the quality the cult master routinely provides.

Talk about mixed messaging. Dan holding a sign littered with the virus is what Donners was going to be all about, in his dashing way?

It was as if Dan Tehan adopting the Catholic roulette system - "I withdraw" - was now long gone and forgotten by the reptiles in a nanosecond, though it was only a day ago ...

The gossip is that Tehan was barely off the screen when he got a call from a furious SloMo urging him to withdraw, spill his seed on the barren ground, or else …

But to be fair, our Donners can barely fill up two gobbets following what was thought to be the SloMo line … by admonishing naughty Dan, and doing his own version of the onanistic withdrawing Tehan…

Hmm, nothing about "five reasons it's safe for teachers go go back to school", but then Donners isn't on the front line these days.

What's really disappointing is that he seems to have forgotten the superiority of the Catholic education system, and ignored the need to bribe them to get back into action …

Never mind, one more gobbet and dashing Donners is done ...

Yes, yes, but what about a word about the superior way the Catholic system will handle matters, perhaps up there with the way that the Anglicans have handled aged care in Sydney?

As for the rest, it was a pretty standard day in the lizard Oz commentary  section:

One at least could be dismissed out of hand …

Who knew that rambling """ Newman was still a thing? The reptiles had so completely forgotten about him, in the manner of the pond, that they couldn't even dig up a snap to run alongside his name in the column's splash …

So good to see you, rambling """ Newman, and now farewell rambling """ Newman … getting advice from you is like heeding the captain of the Titanic on the matter of icebergs ...

And then there was the mixed messaging, featured by our Adam, doing his usual thing, urging everyone to rush out to die … but not doing the government any favours in the process, as good old Josh tries to maintain an image of being calm and in control of the figures…

 

But the pond is bored by our Adam … all he offers is spacer for a couple of cartoons ...

 

No, by far the best mixed message this day came from Dame Groan and the ancient city of Troy …

Strange, surely Troy's header should have run, "Dame Groan is wrong to lecture us" …

Never mind, the pond thought it might be fun to jumble the two columns together … in the Burroughs' cut and paste style … just to see if some sparks might fly …

Please, Troy, you go first and set the tone…

It takes a certain level of chutzpah for the reptiles to run Dame Groan cheek by jowl with the ancient Troy, but they did …and she seemed intent on ransacking Troy, laying the ancient city to waste ...

Barking at the moon? That's about the first glimmer of self-awareness the pond has ever noticed in Dame Groan …

What entranced the pond was the way that Groan volunteered - should there be a shortage of farm labour, strawberry pickers and whatever - that she herself would get out into the field to fill the void. Perhaps pausing every so often between picks to howl at the moon … (or bark, if preferred).

Now back to our ancient Troy … still rabbiting on, sublimely unaware of having had Dame Groan lumped alongside him by some reptile with a rare and rich Murdochian sensa huma ...

Indeed, indeed, all that and more, but could the real problem be that someone in the Labor party reads the lizard Oz, and taken to heart its vision of Australian exceptionalism, its fear and loathing of Chinese students and the tertiary sector, and above all the musings of Dame Groan?

Now the pond has no dog in this fight, nor even a desire to howl at the moon. The real fun is to see two jawbones jawing away in the lizard Oz … with Troy now winding up with a final word, which inevitably turned to the prospects of Labor in Monaro …

And what do you know, the dogs are still barking, or howling at the moon, or whatever. Squirrel!

Ah, if it's not Dan, it must be Albo. Well played ancient Troy …living amongst the reptiles, you can either do a cawing Crowe and flee the scene, or become an ancient city ripe for the ransacking ...

And so to the last word from Dame Groan in Roman mood, fearing the arrival of the Visigoths… or perhaps ancients from Troy, intent on revenge ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, less congestion, more seats on public transport - Dame Groan is apparently a keen tram user - lower property prices and rents, reduced infrastructure plans, smaller universities, and so on and so forth? All that by just keeping out a few furriners, even as they let a pesky furriner in to talk about living together in a shared bubble?

Well we know what an outraged Troy would say, but what on earth would our Adam say?

Perhaps just a smidgin, just a sampling, just a small serve?

Ah yes, just more of the same, and more blather about an over-reaction. Perhaps our Adam should head off to the United States, where he might live in the style to which he's accustomed, and enjoy the results of an under-reaction …

 

And as always, if the pond began with an infallible Pope, then why not end with an immortal Rowe, with more available here … and by golly, how our Adam would love it … (sorry, infallible Pope, there's no point in linking to a paywall).