In which the reptiles send in an old duffer from Dad's Army to help out SloMo ...

With memes roaring through the air like an ember attack, it was time for the reptiles to stand up and celebrate ScoMo at the helm …

The digital edition this early Monday morning led in the same way, with much talk of stumping (almost to the point of dry humping), but hang on, hang on, what's this?

Simple Simon having a few sharp words? Why that's a bit like Tucker Carlston  turning on the Donald over that assassination matter …

Dear sweet long absent lord, for a moment there, the pond had a feeling that it had clicked on the wrong link, and ended up at the Graudian …

Well yes, but in these Trumpian times, bizarre acts of self-love are the new norm.

Never mind, back to that heretic in the lizard Oz, doing his heretical thing ...

Abundant evidence? 

Say what? The pond has been a devoted follower of the reptiles of the lizard Oz, and has never seen any evidence, let alone abundant, that the climate might be turning a shade grimmer, that these events will increase in intensity and frequency …

Of course the infallible Pope on his Twitter account dug back through the years, to 2010 and 2011, and found a few portents and signs of things to come …

But the reptiles, and Liberal politicians? Nah, not really. Everything has been hunky dory for yonks. All's been well, climate science is a mere hoax, a fraud, as explained by the reptiles' distinguished columnists, with nary a science degree amongst them …

There's been nothing in abundance other than dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …and Adani, oi, oi, oi, with the papal one celebrating the Canavan caravan of coal …

Never mind, simple Simon can see a ready solution at hand, and all will be well, if we can just resume exporting coal and improving the economy ...

As for the rest of the world? Well those brazen hussies at The Atlantic took a view, which is kind of funny given the Trumpian approach to the world the Americans are taking when it comes to climate science, or perhaps when thinking about Californian wildfires …

Desperate for a reptile to step up to the plate, the pond went in search of a local hero, ready to do battle in SloMo's cause. 

Surely the Major would return from holydays to mount a crusade, or perhaps the Oreo would explain it was all the fault of the dastardly greenies. Or the reptiles might even bring in the Caterist to sagely advise on how floods might be turned to quell the blazes, and never mind the libel suits …

Say what?

They couldn't, they wouldn't, would they? All they had was poor old 'hole in the bucket of the mind' Henry to blather on?

An old duffer, a member of Dad's Army, blathering on from his armchair about this being a chance for people to show their character? Yes, no tears if you happen to lose a loved one, or a house, no tears for the critters and the environment, stiffen your spine, forget your quibbles, show what made the British empire great …

Ah well, never mind, the pond has been there many times before …

So what would our Henry offer as consolation and inspiration? 

Say what? He didn't, did he? He couldn't, he wouldn't, surely not ...

Patrick bloody White? What on earth would the evangelicals think? Wasn't he some deviant and pervert? Wasn't he the sort that caused such terrible trouble for Folau and sent the reptiles into a tail spin of fear and loathing for many months last year?

What the hell is Patrick bloody White doing in the reptile pages? Only our Henry knows the mystical answer ...

Ah, the pond understands it now, it's just a not so clever way of avoiding climate science, showing what a pretentious twat sitting in a leather armchair has read in the past, and pointing the way to a bit of victim blaming.

It's everyone's fault for daring to live in country towns!

Thank the long absent lord that's now clear. We should all congregate in the big cities, preferably on the eastern coast, and then the rest of the country can burn as much as it likes …there are no other lessons to be learned here …

Well the pond is all for a little victim blaming and shaming, so naturally it gave Henry his head, and what a head he has … and please, remember, let's not have any talk of climate science. 

Our figures fiddler has already arranged for an enormous commitment to emissions reduction, no matter what The Atlantic or others in the world might think … remember this is a test of character, and the more you hurt, the more you deserve it, and no petulance will be tolerated ...

You know, the pond thought that Polonius had reached an all-time low with his weekend header, for sheer effrontery and smug complacency …

But the pond thinks Henry is pretty much up to speed as well, with his smugly complacent lecturing and hectoring...

Patrick White saying we should fill the land? But didn't our Henry just suggest that the problem was that we had filled the land?

At least the pond knows with some certainty that the pie-loving White (don't forget the sauce) would have loathed and despised our Henry and the way in which he's mis-used and abused his words …

But that talk of dust did remind the pond of another cartoon …

And hovering over it all was another infallible papal image …

… which somehow completed the circle, and returned the pond to the memes floating in the ether like an ember attack, an emblem perhaps of how the whole bloody lot of them, all the reptile cheerleaders, all the climate science denialists in the Liberal Nat government have waltzed down the garden path, only to discover that the path led from there to here ...