In which the pond resorts to some Sydney chaviari for a distraction ...

Yesterday the reptiles went through several stages of grief when it came to the cavortings of one of the lesser Kellys in the climate denialist gang …

  

From "clearly no idea" to the fallout and the disavowals and the distancing, and all in a trice ...

At the same time, the pond must congratulate Wayne Smith on the timely, subtle, nuanced and tone-deaf use of the spotfire metaphor to describe rugby, at a time when the country was in flames - what an arsonist he is! - and the reptiles loved it so much as a distraction that it kept it flying high even as the Kelly war erupted into a triptych of photos …

The pond is a big admirer of the call for civility issued by our Henry from the comfort of his armchair - it being the business of people who lost their houses or their loved ones or a mess of critters to tug their forelocks and be ever so humble and politely spoken - and so will simply note that the lesser Kelly is a dumb fuckwit of the misogynist kind …

And so on and so forth. Really some stories can be just observed through headlines and tweets. There's no point going looking for depth when you're dealing with a loon of the base Kelly kind. 

Frankly it's the reason why the pond rarely pays attention to the lesser Kelly. Such low-hanging, dumb, fuckwitted fruit is too easy - the pond is dedicated to a better class of loon ...

Naturally by close of business it ended as might have been expected ...

Oh for heaven's sake, you pathetic low-rent loon, you are a denialist. It's not a slur, it's an accurate description, wear it as a badge of honour, boast of it with pride, be what you are, run wild and free …

What, would you rather be called, in the genteel Graudian way, a sceptic, prone to "climate scepticism", as back on 9th November 2018?

One of the minor tragedies is the way that denialists have taken fright and affront, just because bushfires have ravaged the country.

Meanwhile, the reptiles have opened a new front, a way to be sceptical without actually sounding that sceptical …

 

As the pond originally proposed, what a vision … either tar and cement the entire country, or turn it over to plantation pine. Now there's a topic for discussion.

Anything but climate science, or questions about Adani and coal, and such like … it's the reptile way, but the pond was feeling a tad exhausted by the likes of Kelly and the reptiles and turned to another """

for a little light relief …because once the fires are over for the summer, we can forget about all the losses and the suffering, and the implications of climate science, and get back to what the reptiles love most ...

Now it's true that Chavura is a mere """, with the reptiles unable to dig up a thumb photo, but what a pleasant reminder that there's more to talk about than the suffering of bushfire victims, millions of dead critters and horrendous acres of torched land …

But the pond is always up for a little chav, even if Punch managed to spell it the wrong way …

… and some might mistake "Chav" as a derogatory UK slang word for a hooligan intent on starting a fight, perhaps over cultural matters ...

Actually for those who've never met up with the Chav before, the pond should do a spoiler alert and note that he's a Campion College man …

Campion College is a hotbed of Catholic fundamentalism and gay bashing, and never mind what Cardinal Newman might have got up to in the nineteenth century, and Chav has extensive form, as shown in this piece for the lizard Oz …

It always amazes the pond the way that fundamentalists of whatever religious stripe - Catholic, Islamic, evangelical, barking mad - love to get together to do a bit of poofter bashing. It's been a great sport for a couple of thousand years, and how they'd hate to give it up, because it's even more satisfying than bashing those bloody witches who refuse to be complimentary women, you know, weather girls above their station in life...

Well the pond hadn't meant to distract from today's piece with this trip down memory lane, and so will rattle through the final gobbet so it can get back to today's game ...

Yes, yes, "determined progressive leftists" were at it again, though, astonishing as it might seem, there are actually some Catholics who offer a useful example of diversity … like the homosexual priest the pond has in the extended family, carrying out his pastoral duties with diligence, while also discreetly finding relaxation and emotional tranquility with a (gasp) (male) companion.

Is that wrong? Does it disturb the order of the universe? Probably not, especially if you compare it to the priests who go the fiddle with young children to find some relief from a sexuality warped beyond repair by the deluded theology that the church offers …

But enough of all that, it's back to the current offering, and sadly there's two gobbets to go ...

Indeed, indeed. Fancy giving women control of their bodies and their lives, fancy not being able to chemically castrate or lock up poofters, fancy offering actual sex education …

Why the pond was shocked to its core by this outrageous radicalism, and yearned for a return to the Tamworth of the 1950s … when a handsome young priest might turn up in town, turn the ladies' heads, and have a fine old flurry of freewheeling fucking, before being gently moved on to another parish …

The pond jokes of course, and Chav, it turns out, is still hung up on gay marriage, because the idea that homosexuality might be part of his god's world doesn't compute, though She made pretty clear that it was always going to be around …

How to cope? Well, there's always a couple of straw dogs, and disingenuous comparisons to be floated ...

The pond loved that attempt at relevance: "just as climate change doesn't start fires, and a sexist joke at the pub doesn't cause a man to beat his wife."

But here's the thing. Once a fire is started - and the Catholic church has been fanning the flames for centuries - things get a lot worse when words are allowed to run wild like a bushfire, especially when given institutional weight, and backed by programs designed to weed out the festering corruption and disease in the homosexual body and mind, or the blather by weather girls, who should know their natural place, which is barefooted and pregnant in the kitchen, tending to the needs of their men (well Craig would know where a weather girl should go after she's done with her weather grilling) …

But we've been here many times before, burnishing the bigotry and yearning to return to the good old days of persecuting people because of what they are and what they think, and now suddenly trying to turn the tables and turn it into a freedom of speech issue … when once upon a time, anybody trying to bung on a little freedom of speech might be tied to a stake and given a flaming good time for their heretical thoughts ...

Never mind, at some point the first eleven will return to the lizard Oz, and they'll be able to put together a better team, and the pond will revert to its Saturday coverage, and the likes of the Chav will seem like a minor part of a summer nightmare …

On the upside, how pleasing that Australia has apparently come away a winner …

And what joy. It seems the infallible Pope has returned to his duties in the new year, with this offering …