In which old favourites Moorice and the bromancer return to set the record straight ...

For anyone new to Moorice, please allow the pond to translate: by "ideology", Moorice is referring to climate science, that dreadful ideology/theology which dares to harm his beloved dinkum, clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi … (in the world of Moorice, ideology and theology are interchangeable, and useful for freshening up the stale repetitive bread of his denialism).

For the pond, it was a chance to heave a sigh of relief. The reptiles had gone quiet, perhaps a little chastened by the burning of Australia, but not Moorice, and so not the reptiles …and so some more of the guff the reptiles have churned out was dolloped down for the pleasures of its geriatric readership …

Now the pond won't argue with Moorice, who after all, knows much more about everything than anyone, including fire chiefs, climate scientists and … well, who else ya got? Silly so-called experts who get out and about, saying all sorts of nonsense …though these reports never seem to reach the reptiles at the lizard Oz ...

… but what would they know? Moorice is out in the field, hose in hand, or at least directing responses from his comfortable leather chair - another dry sherry, waiter, if you please - or best of all, thundering away in the lizard Oz ...

Yes, it might astonish some folks to learn that the firefighting hierarchy is a pack of greenies, who at the same time displayed an astonishing un-greenie like capacity to ignore any mention of climate science or climate change, but that's the wonders of logical thinking in a Moorice world …as if anyone didn't know that the real problem was Hollywood.

At last someone with the integrity to blame those endless Marvel movies, and that woeful adaptation of Cats (as an aside the pond must confess that over the break, it formed an addiction to reviews of Cats, so the partner could satiate a newly formed furry obsession. What to say or do when someone forms a desire to fornicate with Francesca Hayward, but only if she's covered in digital fur? What to feel when there's a yearning to see a nude Idris Elba displaying his fur-laden junk?).

Sorry, the pond should get back to the serious business of Moorice flailing away at the world ...

Ah yes, science, which in Moorice's world, takes the form of idle foam-laden, mouth-frothing abuse, from "like ancient Druids" to "to fanatics, facts don't matter".

The pond had thought that climate science had proposed that as a result of changes to the environment arising from human activity, events driven by climate would become more frequent and more intense. But that would those fools know?

If anyone knows with absolute certainty that facts don't matter to a fanatic, please trust the fanatical Moorice, mad uncle down from the attic, and still repeating his ancient, slightly aged and hoary mantras …because the reptiles love to give him a home, and it's never too soon to get back to the old routines … along with a lot of victim-blaming and shaming, for daring to exist ...

Yep, it's time for a socialistic government to take control, and perhaps issue a five year plan to ensure that coal exports can continue!

After all, these bushfires have all been started by green ideology, and confused and fragmented leadership … while this back-burning blather has been started by Moorice, though thankfully the infallible Pope is back to help him out with a cartoon which helps explain his motivations …

And so to the Donald.

The pond will confess to a mild anxiety attack that the bromancer might not be on hand to explain the latest deeds of the Donald, and point out how they have been, in fact, a remarkable triumph …

Foolish pond, silly pond. As if the bromancer wouldn't show up …

He won a limited tactical victory? Of course there's an explanation for the pond's ignorance, and it involves a level of skill that it seems only the Donald and the bromancer can master …

And now for comprehension and enlightenment, bromancer style …

Now it might have been obvious from that first cartoon that the pond is only setting down this archival record for the ages, while at the same time providing an excuse to run a few more cartoons …

Yes, it's worked out terribly well in the middle east these past few decades, in no small part thanks to the stunning tactical and strategic triumphs of the United States, and it looks like things are only going to get better, thanks to the Donald, and the bromancer's astonishing insights ...

Or could there be other red lines?

What sordid minds these cartoonists have, unlike the bromancer and the Donald, reaching for the sky ...

Indeed, indeed, and the situation in Libya is yet another triumph of American intervention. Remind the pond of Ronnie Raygun's singular achievement, and its current status?

Ah, peace for the ages …here, have another cartoon …

Now the bromancer will admit to a few saucy doubts and fears, but only so they can be swept aside, and the Donald's tremendous tactical victory is assured, even if no one quite knows what the fuck might happen tomorrow, next week, and certainly next month ...

Might? If? A big if? It wouldn't be the first time? What first time? North Korea? Russia? Afghanistan? Say what, say where?

Oh yes, he's a bold and brave one, this bromancer, with his fearless predictions, and his notion that a new stability has been achieved, perhaps with a slightly lower level of United States military adventurism …

But to be fair, the pond did get to run a few new cartoons …including one that references one of the pond's favourite films (damn you Hollywood, must you always lead the pond into deviancy?)