In which nattering "Ned" returns to end the holyday season ...

While on non-reptile matters, the pond would just like to note the sad situation of Gundagai.

The Niagara Cafe, opened 1902, the last remaining continuously owned Greek cafe, a place which staked its claim for offering Ben Chifley a meal, is for sale again, up for auction 14th March 2020 (as can be seen here and here).

The pond used to love to drop in to soak up the atmosphere, which reminded it of a long-gone Tamworth and Gunnedah, where Greek friends had a lock on all the towns' cafes…

The rest of the main drag seems like its up for sale too, and apart from the vandalism of the dog, the dog on the tucker box locale has also fallen on hard times.

Hard times in the bush, which puts into perspective the hard times the pond endures reading the reptiles, and their loonish bouts of insanity, like this outburst by Gra Gra today …

If she allows impeachment proceedings to continue much longer? 

What a goose. Proceedings are now outside Pelosi's control. They're in the Senate, and Moscow Midnight Mitch is the man running the show as best he can to ensure nothing untoward happens …

Meanwhile, the reptile blame again has continued apace. A few days ago it was all Prince Chuck's hypocrisy, yesterday it was the Kiwis with their fush and chups hypocrisy …

Did anyone mention speck, mote, eye and such like?

Meanwhile, the pond has been re-reading Sherlock Holmes and was devastated to discover many "unique" modifiers of the "really unique" kind - at last an explanation for the disease that litters the ABC, especially News 24 - and more potent and shocking than even the absence of the Oxford comma on Boris's cheap celebratory Brexit coin (offered up to the plebs in the grand tradition of panem et coincenses).

Okay, all this has been an elaborate detour to avoid the end of the holyday season. The pond knew that the return of nattering "Ned" would be the sign, and it was thoughtful of the reptiles to make his splash discreet, though no doubt they'll give it a boost during the day …

Look, there it is below SloMo, decisive man of action … or as much as Scotty from marketing can be ...

The pond felt so startled, it immediately called on an infallible Pope for a gong …

Strange, there doesn't seem to be any action behind that third podium …

And so to "Ned", and if there's an unsuspecting newbie in the house, please remember that "Ned" is an interminable bore, incapable of shutting up, scribbling on at tedious length ...

Ah yes, an optimistic path … there's always cause for optimism, and finding treasure amongst the ashes …as the infallible Pope pointed out the other day ...

Okay, the pond has squibbed the return of "Ned". It must do the hard yards, take the ball up the middle, simply endure the text ...

And there in a nutshell is how the lizards of Oz, the Donald, Fox and Friends, Fox News, and the entire Murdochian empire have befuddled and confused, with "Ned" offering the familiar old variant of "unrealistic, irrational and misleading."

Give up prime Angus beef's fiddling with the figures? "unrealistic, irrational and misleading."

Give up a deep love of dinkum clean Oz coal? "unrealistic, irrational and misleading."

Show leadership on the world stage? Suggest the Donald is fucked in the head? "unrealistic, irrational and misleading."

Pretend to be a believer in climate science? "unrealistic, irrational and misleading."

And in a way, "Ned's" right.

Why bother? We know what matters, what will endure ...

And so to more of the pompous bore tediously explaining how it's nothing to do with us, and anything we might do doesn't matter, and don't look here, look over there ...

Yes, there's nothing to see here, more of the same, which is to say less of anything, with a bonus dash of tokenism ...

In short - "Ned" could have said it in a lot fewer words - the planet is fucked, and SloMo and the reptiles don't really give much of a flying fuck …because if they did, it would mean the last decade of coalition policies and reptile scribbles have been a fraud and a sham. And where would it get us, to admit the bleeding obvious?

And that's where "Ned" comes in as he comes back. Dress it up with high-sounding la-di-dah and talk of political imperatives and a lack of policy or political arguments (after all, it's only the bush that is burning), and how simple it all sounds, at least for the simple-minded …

And yet, as the immortal Rowe notes here, hey ho, on we go … with triumph after triumph ...

And so to the bonus of the day, because with nattering "Ned's" return, would it have been right to avoid Dame Slap?

Now there's a typical Dame Slap attempt at purported balance here, but the real game is the punishment of Malware for daring to speak out …

There was plenty more coverage, some of it international, and that deserves payback, and so this is a study in how Dame Slap goes about the business of disciplining naughty students …

While the pond might cry to the heavens for a moment's silence from angry reptiles, relentlessly blathering on, Dame Slap begins a slow descent into her ultimate Malware punch line ...

Julia and George W. as role models? So quickly they forget … even when blessed by a Lobbecke …

What followed in that piece was unendurable, an attempt by Dame Slap at fey whimsy, which is rather like lead doing an impression of a feather, and so we can forget it, and return to Dame Slap's new attempt at a little balance, before we get on with the job of sinking the boot into Malware for daring to mention climate science...

Hmm, that attempt at balance by having a go at the onion muncher reminded the pond of a spanking with a warm lettuce leaf, or Dame Slap mistaking a feather for a cilice … 

Remember, Malware's the game, his scalp the prize (even though he's now long been scalped, and Scotty from marketing might have been copping a Dame Slap dismemberment in his place) … but first a few more tours through politicians behaving badly before we get there ...

Still nothing on reptiles behaving badly, and forgetting what they once wrote? You know, MAGA?

Well speaking of credibility, apparently Dame Slap thinks it gives her credibility to suggest we should all be listening to the likes of Tony Bleagh ...

And so there at the very end, comes the Malware punch line, after a very long and tedious build up.

But, billy goat, butt butt …

The worst former Australian PM in the post-Menzies era? 

Poor old Harold Holt, poor old Billy McMahon … not even mentioned?

Not even the 22 days of Black Jack? The old hatred of Gough forgotten? The downplaying of the knights and dames man, the onion muncher of exceptional futility and pointlessness? The wrecking ball, who's only point was to relentlessly snipe and undermine, and indulge in mindless negativity, even when he himself was in charge of proceedings?

Well the pond has no love of NBN-wrecking Malware, but to what avail this Dame Slap assessment, to what point?

It seems clear enough. Whatever you do, don't step on the ghost of reptile climate science denialism and Scotty from marketing's valiant attempts to maintain the reptile love of coal…

Ah yes, if ever there was a way to become a witch flying on a broomstick to Salem, and a prime subject for Dame Slap's ire  …

And now, in honour of Dame Slap donning the MAGA hat and slipping out into the streets of New York at night - as good a reason as any for hoping for her enduring silence - a few cartoons as another saga plays out ...