The pond has numerous failings and sometimes mourns its loss of contact with the Murdochian tabloids.
It was reminded of this when it came across this piece by the Devine, published in the then Fairfaxian SMH on 23rd May 2002 (clicking to enlarge will be necessary for anyone mad enough to want to read it):
The pond understands that immediately upon scribbling this piece, the Devine retired and this was the last known photo of her, taken in domestic tranquility and peace …
Or she might have pissed off to New York, because she can't stand vacuuming, as opposed to blowing hot air. Who knows, who in the end gives a flying fuck?
The pond is also aware that today is Sunday, and the pond has failed to fulfil its duty to provide a reptile Sunday meditation … though the lizard Oz pages are littered with messages from tykes of the Campion kind as holyday filler …
Well, better late than never, even if - incredibly, amazingly - the pond must return to the nightmare days when Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw were a thing ...(by the way reptiles, it's MacGraw, not McGraw, details, details! If you must induce pond trauma, do it accurately.)
Indeed, indeed. How much better if no-one apologised for anything, and certainly never did it in public …why not head off instead to a confessional, where you can apologise to a priest for fiddling with kids (special discount offer for priests confessing to priests), and so guarantee yourself a life eternal in heaven alongside Christ, and without any of those expensive indulgences the church suggested in medieval times as a cash grab to stock the Vatican Museum with treasures…
Or some such thing. The pond always got bored and skittish during sermons, and turned to thinking naughty thoughts, and this homily was no exception … especially as the pond kept on brooding on why the reptiles could only dig up a """ as a thumb illustration for this rude Schmude ...
Ah yes, the tykes are big on guilt. How quaint to build an entire theology and a church on the exquisite guilt to be derived from masturbation.
Such tales the pond heard, such guilt to be experienced and confessed and endured …
Of course it was a delicious guilt that belongs to all sexes and all religions and all ages… and as we're taking a trip down memory lane, we shouldn't stop with Love Story, not when we can do a little Roth …
On an outing of our family association, I once cored an apple, saw to my astonishment (and with the aid of my obsession) what it looked like, and ran off into the woods to fall upon the orifice of the fruit, pretending that the cool and mealy hole was actually between the legs of that mythical being who always called me Big Boy when she pleaded for what no girl in all recorded history had ever had. “Oh shove it in me, Big Boy,” cried the cored apple that I banged silly on that picnic. “Big Boy, Big Boy, oh give me all you’ve got,” begged the empty milk bottle that I kept hidden in our storage bin in the basement, to drive wild after school with my vaselined upright. “Come, Big Boy, come,” screamed the maddened piece of liver that, in my own insanity, I bought one afternoon at a butcher shop and, believe it or not, violated behind a billboard on the way to a bar mitzvah lesson.
Sorry, but whenever the pond hears some fundamentalist tyke droning on about guilt, it begins to think of maddened liver or quivering clit ...
Oh for fuck's sake, how often must the pond read the words "virtue signalling" in the lizard Oz? Truly if the pond had a quid for each mention, the pond would be a squillionaire …
It's all the more irritating because embedded in that assessment is a sense of moral superiority and judgemental self-righteousness.
There's never much humility or self-honesty in Catholicism - witness how long it took for the church to deal with the kiddy fiddling - and it's typical that they should stick with guilt and the confessional and the right to protect killers, thieves and criminals on the delusional basis that they have an imaginary friend who will somehow set things right in an after life…
It's why they pay so little heed to Peter … (2 Peter 1:5 for those who care) ...
And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge …
There's not much virtue, knowledge, or self-knowledge on parade here.
Why do the reptiles bother with this sort of guff? Well they're short-handed during the holyday season, and in any case they need to maintain their reputation as the Catholic Boys' Daily … though strangely the rude Schmude stops short of extolling the sackcloth, cilice, hair shirt, or lash …which will do wonders for your guilt …
What, the pond couldn't make a sale? Never mind, back for a final gobbet of verbal lashings …
Oh just go away, forget about it, even if the pond is still puzzled as to why the reptiles do it.
Oh wait, there's a clue in the commentary section ...
It's their declining readership of ratbag bigoted fundamentalist loons … that's why they do it, blathering on about abortion and abominable poofters and all the rest of it …
Well here's what Christian fundamentalist and News Corp have given unto the world …because for some peculiar reason, some people are down on blow jobs (or cunnilingus), and prefer war and lies, and snake oil salesmen who'll do anything for power, because that's what narcissists and sociopaths do … though why fundamentalist Xians should worship at his sociopathic feet is a matter for theologians or psychologists more skilled than the pond …
Loved the Devine bit, especially her gratuitous mention of Martha Stewart, but whether as homely house-frau or successful businesswoman, I'm not sure. Maybe Stewart is (gasp) one of those women who "have it all". Not so sure about Nigella though, especially given her wonderful marriage to a male chauvinist Saatchi. But I guess we can say, at least, that Nigella was taught cooking and not science. Unlike Miranda.
ReplyDeleteBut moving along to the lesser known "": "This sentiment resonated with the bouyant mood of liberation in the 1960s, which authorised the banning of all inhibitions, including the instinct to feel sorry for any wrongs committed."
Well, just fancy that. I always thought the 'Love Story' point was that people who loved - especially each other - went to some pains not to commit wrongs upon each other.
Oh, if I'd known it was all about giving myself permission to just do wrongs without having to feel bad about them, I might even have bothered to go see the movie myself. Anyway, glad that awful misconception has been cured now.
"It's their declining readership of ratbag bigoted fundamentalist loons … that's why they do it, blathering on about abortion and abominable poofters and all the rest of it …"
Yep, I reckon you've got that one right, DP. Just talking to themselves again about all the pointless, petty things that they want the rest of us to feel guilty about.
The RC Church has a lot to answer for, that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteI can't get my head around the amount of RC loonies that work for Murdoch, you would think they should know better considering most of them are descended from Irish Catholic stock who were subject to British exploitation for many a year. The same seems to apply to some of the people he employs in the US.
It's all identity tribalism, mate. That's why they can recognise it so readily everywhere else in the world.
Delete