In which the pond proposes its loon of the year ...

The pond had a lucky run through east Gippsland the day before the apocalypse struck. There was smoke around the likes of Orbost and Cann River, but nothing more than Sydney the previous month, and not a sign of the things to come …

But at least the pond scarpered, and didn't hang around like a bad smell during the emergency, as the reptiles have managed to do for the duration …

Talk about an unnerving capacity to keep head in sand and unerringly strike the wrong note, beginning with our prime Angus beef, who turned up at the top of the page in the early days …

Yes, there he was, tone deaf, and blathering on about how we should be proud of our climate change efforts …

Well the pond doesn't have to waste time on Angus, as others have scribbled Fact checking Angus Taylor: does Australia have a climate change record to be proud of?, evoking just why Crikey named him their 'arsehat of the year' ...

It's been a singularly bad year for this proud arsehole, what with his office having cooked the figures - not just for his analysis of our 'climate share' - but for his assault on Sydney City Council, and thank the long absent lord that affair has been sent to the AFP in Canberra to be decently buried in silence …

But much as the pond admired his achievements, and much as the pond admired his competitors, who did their very best to attract attention to themselves…

 

… the pond feels it must honour an old trouper, too often ignored in his declining years, one who put on a spectacular display, where even young Earth creationists of the SloMo kind didn't dare to go …

Better late than never, and with that spectacular outing, the pond had no choice but to name Barners as its loon of the year …

The pond will never be able to erase from its mind that suggestion of a tactile god at work.

The reptiles weren't far behind as they did their very best to display a lack of empathy, and carry on as if it was climate science denialism business as usual … including, but not limited to …

 

Good old Gra Gra, on hand to remind us that it was the pigs and the farmers who gathered together for that final feast around the table …

The reptiles even reverted to reliable old memes …

And they sometimes turned to the simply bizarre …

Indeed, indeed, there's nothing like a history-making drought to help with that strategy …

Even when they decided to offer suggestions, the lizard Oz editorialist turned up in the company of a useful Vlad the impaler idiot …

Yes, even in the bushfire crisis, the reptiles still found a parrot who had survived the blaze and could recycle his love of Putin …here's hoping that as it heads to the grave, the pond has no need of a sexton.

How silly did the reptiles get? Well in the early stages this set of digital headlines attracted the pond's attention …

There you go, that was in their dissembling and attempts at distractions days, from headlining a booze ban to sticking at the top of the page silly old Moorice getting agitated about Tex Perkins … as if others weren't sharing their thoughts about the absent leader …

But everything was sweet, it was water off a duck's back, and there was even time for the zillionth jab at the ABC …

That talk of bias had the pond rolling jaffas down the aisle, because the reptiles did their very best to downplay the heckling, while here's a story that didn't make it far in the lizard Oz …

That's not how to get ahead in the Liberal party, and win the attention of the lizard Oz … here's how it's done …

Even Jack the Insider, who purports normalcy and sanity, tried to let SloMo off the hook …

The pond has other business - Polonius calls with his siren song - but perhaps a gobbet to go …

Before we start the tedious what-aboutery, there are no parallels with the Prime Minister...?

Sheesh, Jack, it's possible to pat the tummy and chew gum at the same time … if it's fuck Elliott time, then surely it's fuck SloMo time too …

And so to the main feature, and while the pond has been away, our Polonius has stayed determinedly in play, recently with this 'end of year' outing …

It takes a singular skill to display a complete lack of empathy, to sound like a sublimely complacent, unaware, self-satisfied big city 'leet with his head stuck up his bum so far not a hint of light or signs of a bushfire might penetrate, but Polonius managed the task effortlessly…

The pond hardly dares point out that the reptiles themselves took to talking of the gates of hell opening … admittedly a little down the page ...

As it's old, rotten, smelly, mouldy copy recycling Polonial talking points about the year, the pond will just cut to the Polonial closer …

Enough said?

So much for those who have been fucked by the bushfires. There's your inner city 'leet self-satisfied complacency in a nutshell, but of course our man Polonius was just doing his SloMo impersonation, of the kind noted by Lenore Taylor …

With the skill of a man who made a pre-politics career of messaging, Scott Morrison’s narrative is of a disaster in no way different from disasters Australians have faced in the past. A terrible event to be sure, but one from which we will recover with the resilience and “Aussie spirit” we have always shown during our long history of similar crises. (Graudian here)

Hmm, must be time to mention that unlike Taylor, Polonius lives righteously in a one room slum, and even refuses to use a candle, such is his concern for his immaculate energy rating …because when you've got nothing meaningful to say, make sure you throw as much mud as you can, while imagining you can strut around in a white suit knowing there's not a sign of undiluted, pure, essence of shit in your scribbling ...

Alternatively it must have stung a little, and yet the pond must quibble with Taylor too, because SloMo has shown no skills at all when it comes to messaging during the whole catastrophe, as was pointed out by a communications person on, of all places, Sky International, nothing that he turned up like a gawking idiot without anything meaningful to say or to offer, and so had to turn and walk away when offered a few jeers, as he experienced his Katrina moment …

But not our Polonius, because he came back again this weekend, coupled with the reptiles offering yet more advice …

Bushfires aren't the end of the world? 

Try telling that to someone who's just lost their life, or everything they owned, tell that to all the creatures and environments that have just perished …

Talk about a complete lack of empathy, as Polonius doubled down on the 'we've been here before' strategy that seems to be the only shot left in the reptile bunker …

Actually it's the message of climate scientists, but one thing's certain. This is the only time the pond will need to mention science …

How silly does it get? Rather than talk about people who actually had to spend their time recently on a beach, our man Polonius prefers to blather on about On the Beach ...

Actually, is it wrong to note that Polonius has taken us back to where we started, with Crikey's arsehole of the year (oh, let's not pretend we don't know what 'arsehat' means) conspiring with India, the United States and China to stick a spanner in the works of the recent climate talks … and don't get the pond started on our prime Angus beef's accounting tricks, deployed to avoid doing what should be done ...

Yes, it's all for the best in the very best complacent, self-satisfied, smug Polonial world … and no doubt we can just carry on regardless in the New Year …

And so to a final cheerio from our Polonius to those who, unlike the pond, had the misfortune to get caught up in an unprecedented event, which has managed to shatter records everywhere, except in the pages of the lizard Oz …

Could the reptiles top this pictorially?

Well amazingly they could, by running this pitiful cartoon early in the inferno, echoing and, amazingly, amplifying Polonius's complete lack of empathy …

Did someone mention the rabid Murdoch media, ably assisted, facilitated and enabled by a remarkably rabid Polonius, adopting the modes disguise of someone who's seen it all, and then announced to the world that it should move along, and don't you worry at all about all that destruction and despair?

They did, they did, but what to do, what to scribble, when the 'roos hop into view?