It might be a holiday, but there's no rest for the reptiles as Pravda down under cranks up again in high gear, and the digital edition is littered with fear and loathing, mostly aimed at Comrade Bill …
And so on and on …
Of course it's to be expected of the Caterists - when not scribbling about flood waters in quarries, they have to do something to justify government cash in the poor - and there's also the ongoing yearning of the reptiles to keep EVs as an issue.
Of course Dame Groan took aim at Malware, but there's no airbrushing of the wicked, evil, demonic comrade Bill in all the reptile stories, while elsewhere SloMo speaks with the angels and sings to imaginary friends …
Of course it's to be expected of the Caterists - when not scribbling about flood waters in quarries, they have to do something to justify government cash in the poor - and there's also the ongoing yearning of the reptiles to keep EVs as an issue.
Of course Dame Groan took aim at Malware, but there's no airbrushing of the wicked, evil, demonic comrade Bill in all the reptile stories, while elsewhere SloMo speaks with the angels and sings to imaginary friends …
Why make such an obvious point about the editorial slant in the climate denialist, coal loving, comrade Bill hating, SloMo imaginary friend loving lizard Oz?
Well the dog botherer has been clamouring for attention, and today he came up with a ripper which stole top place in the reptile parade of loonery, and won the pond's heart …
Now the pond won't unpack all the bizarre elements in that first gobbet - the dog botherer, a veteran climate denialist, denying that he and his fellow reptiles aren't climate science denialists … it was after all his son who suggested "he's been known to argue for stubborn, sightless inaction on climate change" (Junkee here).
The very notion that the reptiles aren't bitterly biased and savagely opposed to Comrade Bill was such a delight that the pond wondered if the reptiles would ever recognise themselves in a mirror …or was it more Dorian Gray syndrome?
How funny is this? Well the tabloid version of Pravda down under has been handed out for free in the onion mucher's seat, so guaranteed is it to toe the party line and support the onion muncher, and slag off Steggall and comrade Bill… (Graudian more here).
Actually the pond would prefer to wipe its arse with pine cones rather than use the Terror or the lizard Oz, for fear of rubbing its bum against the comedy stylings of the dog botherer, and thereby catching a syphilis of the mind ...
It was a splendid effort, but even better the pond's great favourite, the world's greatest climate scientist, and team leader of the Captain GetUp mascot, was out and about, showing the dog botherer how to do bias …
Moorice is one of the great cheerleaders and political coaches combined, and his skills were on display, especially as he didn't start with an obvious attack on comrade Bill, but instead built up to it, by reminding everyone of the hideousness of Malware ...
Patience, gentle reader, it will soon become obvious that Malware isn't the only person involved in thought crimes, deviance and perversity ...
Oh the shock and the outrage that anyone should support EVs, even as the pond finds itself tootling around town in a hybrid that really does save a fair bit of money (sadly only on loan, and not so good out on the highway). But immediately any talk of EVs arises, naturally Moorice's nostrils flare, and he draws himself up to gnomic height and delivers a great spray, because apparently deficiencies in Malware's thinking are are genetic ...
And so at last to a warning about comrade Bill, and a reminder that the current pretty pickle is all the fault of Malware ...
Oh dear, that's a strangely gloomy note on which to end, but then Moorice has always been an enthusiast for the apocalypse, and perhaps prays for the rapture to save himself and the reptiles, knowing that they'll have SloMo to speak in tongues and bring down the long absent lord to save the day …
Meanwhile, the Major Mitchell was more in thundering preacher style …
Of course "Truth and the Major" seems more like a title for a wacky big screen comedy, or perhaps an endlessly running sitcom than a newspaper story. Perhaps it would have been simpler to head it "Time for a little more reptile bias on Adani".
You see, in usual reptile fashion, just below the Major the reptiles had another story, so that the message could be reinforced …
How come the reptiles are in bed with the dreaded CFMEU?
Well because any port in a storm, and any friend of decent clean dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi simply can't be the enemy, and any climate denialist and coal lover is welcomed at the lizard Oz, and the Major deep in his heart is as radical a ratbag as any unionist ...
Well because any port in a storm, and any friend of decent clean dinkum Oz coal, oi, oi, oi simply can't be the enemy, and any climate denialist and coal lover is welcomed at the lizard Oz, and the Major deep in his heart is as radical a ratbag as any unionist ...
Think about the reptiles' climate science denialism carefully? What's the point of that? It wasn't by coincidence that the top letter in the reptile pages this day was headed …
It's distilled essence of reptile climate science denialism … and the Major took up the siren song ...
The pond could recite this sort of Major column like a parrot, because the Major himself is a top-notch parrot, and never looks beyond the blinkers of his love of coal, and his misrepresentation of matters abroad …
But then as a man who never did find that Order of Lenin medal, why would the pond expect anything other than the 'Polly want a cracker' denialism of the Major?
In fact, Adani has over the years, shrunk in size and significance, with the railway shrinking and capital required less than a fifth of the amount first announced. The project is littered with lies and deceit, which no doubt helps explain why the reptiles and the Major love it so … but best of all is the sight of the Major in bed with the CFMEU and the capper with which the Major ends ...
Yep, don't give a fuck about the reef. It's sink or swim for the corals as sea temperatures don't just change, they rise … adapt or go away, lost reef, it's a never no mind in the reptile la la land of the Major ….
And the same goes for humans too. Don't do anything about climate science, and if people can't handle the result, let them die, because survival of the fittest is the mantra of the News Corp dinosaurs … or at least survival of the luddites cheered on by the Major Mitchell …
And now since Moorice has at last come into view in the lizard Oz, the pond would like to celebrate because people have been having such fun, thanks to him and his team …(the grabs below are taken from reptile stories, which the pond refuses to link to, but the video can can be seen elsewhere, for example here, or on Twitter here, with Moorice's mascot rubbing himself up against the billboard in a way seemingly designed to get himself off).
But who is this mask billboard wanker, this inspiration effort by Moorice and Co.? Well thanks to the ABC and Junkee here, the truth has been revealed …
“In my stage career performing Shakespeare and Moliere, I’ve inhabited some incredibly complex and flawed characters,” Humphries says at the start of the sketch. “But none was as complex and flawed and just fucking dumb as my current role, Captain GetUp.”
It could be worse of course … imagine playing a reptile, as simplistic and flawed and fucking dumb as Moorice, the dog botherer and that sublime parrot, the Major Mitchell …
Good one,DP.
ReplyDeleteThe Terror's Cryptic Crossword is pleasantly hard enough to trigger neuronal activity but easy enough to knock over in a quiet lunchtime. It is the only reason I would open a copy.
ReplyDeleteI have been rather vexed for a couple of weeks that the giveaways at work have been in very short supply, and working late-to-late means they have all been snaffled by the time I arrive.
Thank you, Dorothy, for highlighting their focus on holding Warringah for the onion-muncher. At least now I know my lack of lunchtime crucilexicography is in a noble cause, however personally irritating.
Comic-book superheros are about that atavistic desire for a being who is in touch with our feelings, but has extra powers to confront the sources of our fears. Before comic books - take your pick of the ancient accounts of deities, or their representatives on earth. The comic-book genre has three sub-species;
ReplyDeletethose who are always essentially human, albeit with superior mental and (usually) physical prowess. They may adopt costume for their work as superheros.
those who can utter an incantation which transforms them into a state with powers not manifest in any human (e.g. being bulletproof, able to fly) and
those who are permanently blessed with extraordinary powers, but move amongst us frail humans in a form indistinguishable from us. Like their colleagues of the first grouping, they may need to adopt disguise in one of their forms, to maintain their anonymity in mufti.
As far as we know, Captain GetUp does not have another physical form. He has been seen only in costume. So - in that form, why does he need to wear a mask? If a member of the public described him to police after another indecent display against a signboard, they would have no trouble identifying him by the orange suit, grey boots and gloves, and budgie smugglers worn outside the tights. They could even describe his eyebrows (an important detail to those who claim the ‘conservative’ mantle in Australian politics.)
It all suggests that his, er - (and I do not wish to cause offence by using this term) - creators have some seriously warped understanding of what humans need in their superheros. Yet they would claim to be amongst the best and brightest of our kind, and wholly qualified to lecture us on how we should go about our lives.
Thanks for that well specified ontological taxonomy of heroes, Anony, it covers just about all of the heroes (except perhaps for Yossarian) that I've ever encountered.
DeleteWill you be doing a similar exercise for villains any time soon ? Not that I expect any Murdochrat reptiles to make the list - they're all way too banal and unimpressive.
I don't perceive the same yearning for villains in daily life. They are necessary to initiate fears for the superheroes to comfort and protect us against, but can do that in many different ways. In our mythology of religion and comic-books, villains are also to be vanquished (convenient alliteration there) whereas we need our superheroes to persist - preferably to be immortal. Around our island nation right now, what group justifies its existence by telling us about thoughts and intentions of which we must be deeply fearful - mmmm - who might that be?
Delete"we need our superheroes to persist"
DeleteExcept for Kara Zor-El, apparently.
Doggy Bov: "so Lea swan against the tide"
ReplyDeleteWau, so Channel 10 is seriously "swanning" now.
But now we have Moorice: "Only Abbott's unprecedented 22-seat gain in two elections from opposition saved the "Turnbull Coalition Team" from defeat at the 2016 election."
Excuse me Moorice, but could I just point out that a 22-seat switch over two elections is hardly "unprecedented" compared with the LNP's loss of 22 seats in a single election - the 2007 Fed election in which - hush now, don't scare the kiddies - the sitting Prime Minister lost his own seat !
But then Moorice provides us with some really important input: "Thanks to Turnbull's complacency, households are under considerable pressure from falling real incomes and cost-of-living increases."
Oh, so that's why all the 1%, and particularly the top 0.1%, are engaging relentlessly in "the politics of greed". Of course they don't want to pay workers a 'living wage' and of course they want to eliminate penalty rates, that would just give the proletariat way too many options - think how uppity and demanding they'd get to be then - and cost the rich way too much. Thanks for that Morry.