In which the pond risks time with Ned's ancient mariner ...

First a note of alarm, and some follow-up business thanks to the meritorious Merritt …

Where's the infallible Pope gone? The Canberra Times has disabled all old links to his gallery, and at a time of peak political madness, the Pope has fallen silent. Is he just recharging his batteries or has some dastardly deed been done?

And so to the meritorious Merritt doing a follow-up:

Just how is it that a notoriously corrupt and devious lobby group - their love of tobacco and coal and climate science denialism and white nationalist culture wars deep and enduring - became so respectable? 

Well we have the Murdochian reptiles to thank for that, but also the lazy, supine ABC, which faithfully regurgitates the reptiles and so the IPA, even though the IPA would privatise the public broadcaster in a nanosecond if ever given the chance.

As for the French report, Honi Soit shows how to do a completely different reading of the result, under the header Campus freedom of speech not under threat, French Review finds …

Bizarre. Clearly Sydney Uni students are captive to the long march … and the IPA has fallen on barren soil … but see how the meritorious Merritt still manages to slip in a kind word by giving the lobbyists their usual generous serve of reptile space ...

Yes, it's a bizarre sight to see a lobby group deeply opposed to government interventions urge on government intervention, but that's just standard operating procedure for the IPA, because hypocrisy is the name of the game when you set hounds loose to run down assorted hares …

And so to the pond's main duties for the day, and what tedium the next few weeks promises, with the unofficial election campaign by the reptiles well under way … and with nattering "Ned" on hand to pretend that he's delivering a fair and balanced assessment, as if nobody will notice the large thumb on the scale …

Here's the pond's theory, and what a clever strategy it is. The reptiles will keep running nattering "Ned" on the basis that he will drive the readership into a deep somnambulistic state. Zombie like, the comatose readership will stumble in to vote, and will put an X against the coalition in a process akin to automatic writing. Never underestimate what anyone made numb by reading nattering "Ned" will do …

We've all been there, we know how it works… 

It is an ancient Neddy Mariner, 
And he stoppeth one of thee. 
'By thy long grey beard and glittering eye, 
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me? 

The Bridegroom's doors are opened wide, 
And I am next of kin; 
The guests are met, the feast is set: 
May'st hear the merry din.' 

He holds the pond with his skinny hand, 
'There was a comrade Bill,' quoth he. 
'Hold off! unhand me, grey-beard loon!' 
Eftsoons his hand dropt he. 

He holds the pond with his glittering eye— 
The Wedding-Guest stood still, 
And listens like a three years' child: 
The Mariner hath the pond's will. 

The Wedding-Guest sat on a stone: 
The pond cannot choose but hear; 
And thus spake on that ancient man, 
The bright-eyed Neddy Mariner…

You have been warned ...

Already the pond's eyes had begun to glaze, and was grateful for the small print arising from the new reptile online format … but making it more readable only made the result even more deadly dull and dire ...

The reptiles explaining comrade Bill and his policies? But where's the dire warnings, the threats of an apocalypse and an impending rapture? Don't worry, they'll come, after the mind-numbing foreplay ...

Yes, it's true that comrade Bill is a far left union thug, but any reptile reader knows that, where's the real warning, the dire ancient mariner talk of an apocalypse?

You see? The reptiles and "Ned" can't help themselves. They never talk about the significant economic damage and dislocation that might arise from climate change.

By definition, climate change is just a hoax, a new religion, a false theology, and so they flip their talk, so that any response to climate science will surely produce significant, perhaps fatal, economic damage and dislocation. Pity the poor tradies and their utes, driven mad by the need to go electric … and don't you worry about the changing climate and its impact on the world ...

Questions, questions, seemingly in pursuit of an objective understanding, but in reality a lethal form of mind manipulation, up there with the Manchurian candidate as "Ned" warns of the havoc to come, and sends the sheep in to mark their X in the sweet spot …

And so to an area of the pond reserved for ultra-marathoners, mountain climbers, deep sea divers and others able to endure ...

Right from the get go, Dame Slap knows how to offend, by importing the notion of "first lady" from American politics.

The wiki on the subject favours 'spouse' and notes the American origins of the term, but it's just another example of the Trumpian direction the Murdochians want to move the nation …

Of course Dame Slap has satirical or at least post-ironical intent. But because this is just a standard outing, a routine bit of union bashing, a getting out of the baseball bat in the SloMo cause, the pond has decided on an unusual strategy - no commentary, just a cartoon between each gobbet.

The reasoning will become clear enough as the last Dame Slap gobbet lands ...

Yes, Dame Slap got separated from her humanity, and all she got to do was don a lousy hat and slip out at night in the streets of New York … and so to the punchline the pond promised ...

And there it came, thar she blowed:

"Find your inner Trump, Scott Morrison."

So that the Murdochians might finally have fucked Australian politics in the way that they've managed to fuck the United States …

Well, it's good work for cartoonists, and if the mid-terms are any guide, if Morrison actually followed his inner coal-loving, speaking in tongues Trump, he'd be up for a shellacking in the next few weeks …

And that's why the pond abandoned Dame Slap, didn't bother to argue or nitpick and instead fellow-travelled with the cartoonists ...and here's a few more to go, remembering there's nothing more healthy than a diet of fast food and hambergers …