In which the pond settles on the Major for the angry rant of the day ...

The pond was shocked, appalled to its very core … there was comrade Bill laughing at the reptiles, as shameless as could be, and naturally the Graudian here couldn't get enough of it …

Angry ranting articles? But that's the entire business model. And for some strange reason, the Graudian omitted the cheapest jibe of all, all the worse because it happened to be true - because comrade Bill joked about the lizard Oz being that thing they give away at airports, and all the heathens in the audience laughed - no doubt they knew about airports because of their Armani socialist lifestyles …

The pond only heard the joke because it was passing through the kitchen and someone had left the telly on 24 and there was comrade Bill wickedly joking about the hapless reptiles ...

As for that talk of an apocalypse policy or an Armageddon agenda, the reptiles know the truth …

There was a lot more apocalyptic truth-telling, aka angry ranting this Monday morning, and naturally the pond had to be selective. Some old favourites bit the dust …

The notion that the Oreo is a realist sent the pond into fits of laughter, while Dame Groan was just doing some fair average greenie bashing …

And then there was this odd coupling …

They bring back Bjorn at this late stage to do his coal thingie? 

And the only pleasure with the Caterist's splash about electric cars was the chance to remind stray passing readers that the Weekly Beast provides some wondrous examples of the joys of reptile watching … here for the latest issue …

Ah yes, there's nothing like being a luddite caught on the hop …

Well somebody had to be the angry ranting designated driver this day, and the pond decided to go with the Major, a wily bird, if inclined also to be a prattish parrot …

Why the Major Mitchell?

Well it's such shameless cheerleading - the Major sets out an entire program for the coalition government - and it was top of the digital page Ma - that the pond thought it stood for the entire lizard Oz, and the way things are going to go during the election, and besides, any number of people are at this very moment reading it for free in airports around the country …

Note how the Major begins with a generous dose of rampant paranoia … an essential component in reptile thinking … and how John Hewson's birthday cake still haunts the reptiles … though these days, the reptiles are even more haunted by GetUp ...

Scold China and India because we ship them dinkum clean Oz coal? But what about the reptiles' worst nightmare?

Oh the Major, such a card, and did he just say that the government is on the right track blathering on about EVs?

Why that's handy, because it allows the pond to run another gobbet from the Weekly Beast …

What a hoot it all was.

Batshit insane? That's the sort of language the pond usually reserves to describe the scribbles of Major Mitchell - will he ever find that Order of Lenin medal? 

Never mind, on with the love of coal, and sundry other policy prescriptions ...

May have teething problems? Why it's another NBN in the making …shush about all that Major, just digging up all the references to incompetence could fill in the pond's week. What else have you got?

Ah yes, that's going to fly a treat. Young 'uns, you've never had it so good. Stop whinging, remember it was the boomers that did it tough, you young 'uns are just a bunch of princesses … why a million dollar mortgage? That's nothing, in the pond's day, we created a shack out of tar and were grateful it only leaked on rainy days …

Well it's been great fun, but the Major had only one gobbet left in him ...

Ah that other plank the reptiles love perhaps a little too much:

You've never had it so good, serfs and peasants, be grateful for the benefice and generosity of your masters … you lucky bludgers - sadly so many of you are pitiful inept bludgers - you should be shedding tears of joy at all the reptiles offer you … and remember, it's free at airports all around the country …

Of course there are alternative realities that some might consider …

The tweet here took the pond into the story without a worry about the AFR paywall … just click on the planes ...

And now after all the Major's chiding and scolding of the naughty children, instead of following it with another angry reptile rant, the pond decided on a religious distraction.

You see, the reptiles hinted at this trend yesterday, as they tried to work out how to ignore comrade Bill's cruel jibes about their airport business plan and their angry ranting …the best they could do was talk of a scare, and a feature on a homophobic bigot …

And so it was hardly surprising that the dog botherer temporarily gave up on the angry political ranting game, and tried to work out how to defend fundamentalist religious bigotry …

Right there, from the get go, the dog botherer got up the pond's nose. Folau can have his beliefs, but if he's in the business of judging others, then by all that's right, he too can be judged …

If the dog botherer doesn't have the first clue about the import and meaning of Matthew 7, then he too can be judged as just another fundamentalist twit …

Clearly actual discussion of theology - apart from theological climate science - is outside the dog botherer's usual area, because he quickly fell into twittery as he attempted to redeem fundamentalism …

Actually it is a simply matter …

He was vilifying gays, and while the dog botherer might not imagine a threat of an eternity in an imaginary place as bullying, it is a form of bullying …one with a long pedigree, and one which on occasions has urged followers to send gays to enjoy the hellfire a tad earlier than some other sinners (though witches were also reliably sent off early).

So some bullshit artist who comes along and says "I loves ya", but if you don't do what I say and share my beliefs, why then you can fuck off to hellfire for all eternity represents a particularly offensive form of bullying, though it now lacks some of the dire consequences of centuries past … though the same unfortunately can't be said of some religions …

Words have consequences, and so does legislation, and those who fellow travel with the haters and the bigots do little to save the day, Graudian here …

But back to the dog botherer attempting to put pearls on swinish words, because it bothers the pond what fundamentalist Christians, Muslims and Hindus think, though apparently it doesn't seem to bother the dog botherer at all (yet somehow he got offended at the idea of being shown fucking a dog and took legal action? How fucking weird is that?) ...

But actually Folau signed a contract which locked him into a code of conduct …

"Whilst Israel is entitled to his religious beliefs, the way in which he has expressed these beliefs is inconsistent with the values of the sport. We want to make it clear that he does not speak for the game with his recent social media posts.
"Israel has failed to understand that the expectation of him as a Rugby Australia and NSW Waratahs employee is that he cannot share material on social media that condemns, vilifies or discriminates against people on the basis of their sexuality. 
"Rugby is a sport that continuously works to unite people. We want everyone to feel safe and welcome in our game and no vilification based on race, gender, religion or sexuality is acceptable and no language that isolates, divides or insults people based on any of those factors can be tolerated.   
"As a code we have made it clear to Israel formally and repeatedly that any social media posts or commentary that is in any way disrespectful to people because of their sexuality will result in disciplinary action. (here)

If you don't like the contract, if you don't like the code of conduct, don't sign up, don't take the money and run …

After all, didn't Jesus say ...

…Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. The young man saith unto him, All these things have I kept from my youth up: what lack I yet? Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, forget about sniffing bums with fellow rugger buggers, drop the contract, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But when the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions and had made a motza out of playing rugby, and frequently felt and acted and spoke like an indulged, pampered, indulgent wanker, and the idea of giving up the cash in the paw and following Jesus in poverty seemed a tad hard up against using his thumbs to let fly with a few tweets ....

The pond might have got that wording a tad wrong, but the message seems clear enough …

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, Verily I say unto you, That a rich rugby player  shall hardly enter into the kingdom of heaven. And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich rugby player to enter into the kingdom of God. When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying, Who then can be saved? But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With rugby players and rugby spectators, this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.

Never mind, enough of the childish word mangling and heretical behaviour, the pond was somehow reminded of this exchange in a NYRB discussion between Henry Louis Gates Jr and Nigerian writer Wole Soyinka, here, but sadly inside the paywall, unless you know how to break it …

Well yes … and fortunately religious fundamentalism has been weakened in some parts of the world, but it remains a threat. 

Folau is the sort of old fashioned bible thumper who might just at some point stumble across the old testament's enthusiastic support for stoning people's heads into mush for being sinners … 

Words have consequences, which is why in this short last gobbet, the dog botherer remains clueless, and fellow travels with bigotry, as if implying that gays are less than human and heading to hellfire is just a part of the outrage factory …

Never mind, you can read this sort of nonsense for free in airports all around the country, or you can simply resort to Twitter to see the addicted dog botherer sound like a twittering twit every day …

And remember, it's up to gays to treat being consigned to hellfire as a joke. But when it comes to the dog botherer doing a bit of dog fucking, why that's no joke at all ...

Most days the pond would rather go biblical and pluck out an eye than endure all this reptile nonsense, but perhaps, given it's free at airports, perhaps the pond should just turn to a Rowe to save the eye, with more eye-saving Rowe here ...