In which the pond goes full coalphiliac with the bromancer ...

Please, no distractions - not the testimony of Cohen, unfolding even as the pond types - good old PBS, where dead air is not just a philosophy, it's a way of life - not the fate of Pellism and its onion-munching cohorts, not the skirmishing of India and Pakistan. 

As the Buddha himself said: "I consider the positions of kings and rulers as that of dust motes. I observe treasures of gold and gems as so many bricks and pebbles. I look upon the finest silken robes as tattered rags. I see myriad worlds of the universe as small seeds of fruit, and the greatest lake in India as a drop of oil on my foot. I perceive the teachings of the world to be the illusion of magicians. I discern the highest conception of emancipation as a golden brocade in a dream, and view the holy path of the illuminated ones as flowers appearing in one's eyes. I see meditation as a pillar of a mountain, Nirvana as a nightmare of daytime. I look upon the judgment of right and wrong as the serpentine dance of a dragon, and the rise and fall of beliefs as but traces left by the four seasons. But if you want a sure bet, if you want to get filthy fucking rich, trust me, you can't do better than have a flutter on coal …it's a miracle drug better than any tech or medical device, it's known to cure the halt and the lame and the blind. I consider James Kirby the mote that matters mostest …if he gives you a tip, you'd be a mug punter not to act on it."

Thanks Buddha, thanks Jimbo, and yes, once again, it is the melancholy duty of the pond to observe the condition of coalphilia that infects the reptiles like a bad dose of black lung disease …

Even as India and Pakistan went hard at it, the bromancer came out with signs that he was suffering from a very advanced case …

The pond is always in awe of the reptiles. Climate science, the planet, the future? Nah, forget it, forget all that namby-pamby handwringing.

The answer is always coal … coal can do no wrong, coal is the cure for whatever ails ya …

No, not charcoal, you goose, genuine, true blue dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi … it'll fix the planet in a trice ...

Climate science? What the fuck? Still peddling that old bit of fake news? You must be part of the reactionary left or some foolish climate scientist out there observing the real world. Remember, we're with Buddha and the reptiles, seeing the illusion of it all, seeing the wondrous joy of beloved coal …

Here, get it into ya …

Feeling better? Good, because the bromancer hasn't finished his rant, and attention must be paid!

Yeay, look at us ma, top of the world, coal for everyone, we are the champions etc etc …

Now around this point a few might be moaning and whining and complaining, but the pond will allow that there are a few other medicines besides coal that might help …

Get that in ya, and you can do the final coal-loving gobbet in a leap and a bound ...

What a wondrous encounter, distilled essence of coalphilia, an example of the condition which might be paraded to students at the RPA down the road ... 

But don't go away, because there's still the savvy Savva to go … here, have an artistic Rowe reference before proceeding …

More artistic Rowe here … and so to the savvy Savva, in a celebratory mood …

Yes, the ABC sorted, and women on the move, and SloMo a winner, and the savvy Savva herself blessed with the Lobbecke of the day, and so ensured peak reptile cult status ...

Admirable logic. 

If you want a useless, impotent figurehead, make sure it's a woman … but then in the usual Malware friendly way the Savva has, a few saucy doubts and fears begin to creep in ...

A reptile daring to mention climate change? That can't be right, why drag cheap jokes about personal emissions into the conversation? Everyone knows that coal is the answer, the bromancer just told us so … it's much more cheering to let a little Bishop bitterness come out like a hoppy toad ...

Indeed, indeed. This very day the infallible Pope is celebrating John Howard as a character reference …

More infallible Pope here, and waddya know, there's only one gobbet to go … and once again SloMo comes up a little short ...

By golly, the pond has probably got a few spare coal tablets hanging around in the cupboard if this niggling irritation persists …

Why sometimes the pond thinks the savvy Savva sounds like some cheap point scoring Labor politician mocking poor old SloMo …

Poor old Barners, an expert on matters female, and poor old onion muncher …clinging on, knowing that an appeal will provide absolution of a legalistic kind ...

And now the pond must acknowledge there is a real world out there, one where perhaps a little climate change might exist - it's changing all the time, don't ya know, has been since the good Lord created it in seven days - and thanks be to Rowe for this reality check, but really, it's only a couple of kids having fun playing together, or perhaps mature adults doing a little canoodling in the spirit of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper … and as noted before, reality-checking Rowe can be found here ...