Tuesday, February 23, 2021

In which the pond spends a routine day with the reptiles, but starts with a few truffles just for the scent on the pig's nostrils ...


The pond is easily entertained. Whenever reptile idiocy goes on show, the sublime stupidity of it all creates fresh delights for the student of herpetological follies ... and so it was with Media Watch last night ...



Really that summary about says it all, though anyone wanting to see the story will find it here, and so see the Bolter and Dean - a man who routinely makes the Bolter seem like a genius - rant and rail about the ABC and its editorial ways, when the ABC had no editorial input into the show. You have to be beyond dumb to manage this sort of basic error, and remain unapologetic, and yet they did it ...

Of course the Bolter doubled down, and said he'd treat Foxtel programs the same way, but he didn't, did he, because he's too much of a zealot and a moron to do what the pond does, and read the financing and tail credits (got to know if it was shot in Boston, or cheap arsed Canada or even cheaper arsed down under trading as Boston).

And then this report came in the lizard Oz today ...



 ... and that triggered in the pond the memory of a story, in full at Crikey here ... (paywalled). Just the intro please, maestro ...

And so on and so forth ...

Meanwhile, the pond must report, with absolutely no regret, that it's a dull and extremely predictable day at the reptile factory, with Shanners showing the way as usual ...

And they keep saying that Scotty from marketing will wait two budget cycles before heading off to the polls. Translation: more time for the reptiles to slag off the demonic, Satanic forces of Labor, when things are going terribly well in the Canberra bubble ...

As for the pack at the bottom of the page, what a motley crew ...


Yes, there was ancient Troy slagging off Albo as Jeremy Corbyn. Perhaps he wants a job on The Sun ... or even a gig working for Boris, what with Brexit going terribly well.

For no particular reason, except perhaps the pleasure of hearing her moaning and whining and griping, the pond decided to go with Dame Groan ...

But is it so bleak? This day the reptiles were wildly excited by an EXCLUSIVE announcing that the destruction of the planet was proceeding on schedule, on the basis of its dig it up and ship it out program ...

Who cares about manufacturing so long as all is well with dear sweet dinkum precious innocent virginal clean Oz coal? But do go on ... and the more tedious and lengthy the despair and the whining and the sighing and the sackcloth and the ashes, the better ...


Indeed, indeed. Of course the pond happened to watch John Oliver last night on the US meatpacking industry, as if Upton Sinclair had been but a passing dream ... (Slate felt the need to note it here, but canny YouTube watchers know what to do).

The pond notes Dame Groan's selfless desire to show that restrictive labour practices are a curse, and to get out on the chicken processing line herself, perhaps donning a pad to contain her urine while she worked, or perhaps just pissing on the floor below the line before getting back to the chooks at hand ...

And of course there's all this inane talk of climate science, when we know that the green deal and windmills was wot ruined Texas (not to mention all the lies), and oh the difficulties of fucking the planet properly ... but do go on, and please end this endless whimper with a bang ...


Well it could be worse. We could be all sitting on our fat, complacent arses churning out bullshit on a regular, and at one time, highly paid basis for the lizards of Oz, while moaning at the ways we couldn't find to torture workers. Dear sweet long absent lord, what a tedious Jeremiah she is. Oh, and come back Henry Ford, your anti-semitism and love of the Nazis is forgiven, or perhaps we should just follow Xi and Apple, and contain the workers with the chooks behind the wire netting ...

And so to the bonus, and sadly the pond couldn't find a better bonus than Killer Creighton ...



The reptiles decided to give Killer the full treatment, but all it accomplished was to remind the pond just how abysmal the standard of cartooning is at the lizard Oz. They say the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but they should really have been talking about the rotten cartoonist ...

As for Killer's yarn, the reptiles saw it as a chance to insert a lot of click-bait videos, which made the read seem more important. Imagine then the pond's delight at being confronted by a black void ...


Indeed, indeed, the one thing this planet needs is more people. Why the world projections, made in 2019 before the pandemic had the planet hitting 9.74 billion by 2050 (wiki here), ensuring plenty of customers for News Corp and dinkum sweet clean Oz coal, and perhaps a fucked planet, but what would the Chairman care, because by then he will have surely shuffled off this mortal coil, leaving a stunning legacy to contemplate ...

But do go on Killer, even if the pond is now wondering whether the monicker should be Breeder to excess Creighton ...



In six or so weeks, open the border and let the unvaccinated hordes rush in, because what could go wrong? You have to admire Killer's single-minded addiction to the killing fields ... matched perhaps by his weird belief that the only vulnerable groups are oldies in homes, and perhaps a few front line workers.

But Killer has long admired the United States, which this week topped 500k dead, a remarkable achievement ... if only we could have emulated them, how happy Killer would have been ...


Oh we're back on that old yarn, that the flu is as much of a problem as the virus, but as Israel was mentioned, perhaps we should also mention this ...




Frankly the pond doesn't mind if the anti-vaxxers and the fundamentalist religious loons of the ultra-orthodox kind don't take their shots. They can shuffle off, just as Killer can shuffle off after this last gobbet proves he still doesn't have a clue, and thank the long absent lord, others were in control of public health in this country this past year ... 


Most experts were anticipating a much higher fatality rate?




Now there's anticipation for you - even the Fauc couldn't guess the final number in the jelly bean Killer jar of death - and what a prize doofus and dumbbell our Killer is, down there with the Bolter and the Dean, and so to end with a little more grim humour, thanks to the immortal Rowe here ...


And how about a bonus from the infallible Pope's stablemate, in honour of Killer?



  1. Today's Groaning is a gem, or maybe a boiled lolly. It really is difficult to grasp that Groany was paid nearly Au$360k pa for producing her regular outrush of inane waffle.

    But here we go with the Groaning: "The government is pinning its hope in part on its gas-fired recovery to spur new iinvestment in manufacturing, directly and indirectly through lower electricity prices." Well, if it's all just a "gas", the electricity prices will still be higher than solar and wind, even if we have to buy ginormous batteries.

    But in Australia, for employment in the modern world, you could try one of these:

    MYOB to become largest employer in Silicon Yarra

    1000 staff to occupy 14,000 sq m ? Unheard of.

    Atlassian: the $30 billion tech giant nobody understands

    Also two local billionaires to boot - you wanna become rich ?

    And for good old-fashioned manufacturing, try green gas and green steel:

    Bringing green steel to reality: GFG launches Whyalla overhaul

    Wouldn't think the Groaner knows anything about any of them.

    1. :)³ The pond routinely notes the Atlassian presence in Redfern, but speaking of boiled lollies, Dame Groan probably never made it past a 1950s humbug ...

    2. Ooh, now there's an achievement: a lifelong humbug.

  2. Ah, yes - ‘the real impediments to investment’. We know what that is code for, don’t we? Industries having to pay way too much for persons who are over-credentialled, have no commitment to increasing productivity, and are paid rates determined and administered by unelected agencies.

    I wondered if the Dame might wish to lead by example. Her contributions carry no original research; if there are numbers, they are taken from some readily-accessible Government site, or have been provided by one or other industry lobby group - probably with the salient statements already highlighted in the Dame’s favourite shade of marker.

    So it is essentially typing, albeit at a mature age level. I went to the site of the Fair Work Ombudsman to find out what a typist might expect to be paid under the ‘Graphic Arts, Printing and Publishing Award’. The hourly rate for one such, in ‘part time’ placement is $21.92. That is without penalties, because we are all familiar with the Dame’s abhorrence of penalties. Who can forget her distress those couple of years ago when she and daughter set out to get a frothy coffee in the city of Melbourne, on a Sunday, and ‘they’ had to ‘tell her she was dreamin’, because of penalty rates.

    The FWO site obligingly added to my search, that if the friend for whom I was inquiring could consider a ‘casual’ tenure, she might pocket $27.40 an hour.

    So - assuming that the Dame has done what so few academics ever did - learned to touch-type - (probably the single greatest boost to productivity available with the personal computer) a couple hours a week should be enough to type her column with the Flagship; work from home, transmit electronically, through the world-leading NBN; bingo - $54.80 direct to the bank of her choice.

    We know she is prepared to give of her opinions for no financial recompense - because she lobs items into ‘Catallaxy’ from time to time. So $54.80 should be quite acceptable - no doubt you could buy several bottles of ‘Victory’ gin with that.

    Much of this is consistent with how Limited News ran its suburban ‘throwaways’ . Each graduating class from the nearest tertiary school of journalism was offered ‘experience’. Entirely at their own cost - for car or bus fares, telephone costs, sustenance - they would provide local news to space out the advertorials. After about 6 months or so they would inquire about that ‘position’ that had been dangled in front of them - to be replaced by the next ‘graduate intern’ - or whatever they were called - and not one cent went into their pockets. But - they were told - they had acquired ‘invaluable’ experience.

    1. And so they had, Chad: the "invaluable experience" of touch typing. Oh the pain and disgrace of 50 years of two-finger typing. Which has now, of course, become two-thumb typing.

  3. Just a little bit of Killer: "When COVID-19 lockdowns began around the world last year, some joked of an imminent baby boom. In fact, a baby drought is emerging."

    Gosh, eh - a "baby drought" you say ? But I guess that the "baby boom" predictions owe much to the great Northeast blackout of 9th Nov, 1965:

    The claim was that nine months after the Great Blackout of 1965, the birth rate in New York City increased dramatically. Fortunately we have Snopes to tell us it didn't happen:

    Never mind small matters like fact and truth; if there's an outage, even if only for a single day, then a baby boom must follow. But it never does, so thanks to Killer for clarifying what we all needed to know.

    1. I suppose, because we were all born, it is too easy to think we are experts on human birth rates. In fact, it is a devilishly difficult area of study (look at all that has been written on 'ZPG'; and don't even think about smashed avocado). Almost every other animal is an easier subject for the researcher who is curious about how animal populations vary, and there are some inspired terms to describe different processes in other species - but, right now, I cannot think of any that tell us much about fluctuations in human populations.

      Still - 'Killer' is silly enough to venture into speculation on that.

  4. Oh joy, what is this:

    Controversial backbencher Craig Kelly quits Liberal Party to sit on the crossbench

    ScottyfromSmugland must be just so delighted he saved Kelly from losing Liberal preselection back in 1919.

    And isn't it just wonderful how every petty little nincompoop with a bee in his bonnet is designated as "controversial".

    1. Indeed GB, person who spends all day on facebook and all night on Sad Old Men After Dark is leaving the LNP "to be able to speak freely"


    2. Oh, vc, Crag isn't charging the LNP with practising 'cancel culture' is he ?

    3. He's throwing that cream pie around a lot GB. If he ain't yet, he surely will in time.


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