In which the bromancer betrays the reptiles, so the pond joins the Canavan caravan and catches a dose of the IPA ...

 

 

 

There was confusion and chaos in the reptile ranks this day. Can western civilisation long endure in the face of this calamity?

 

Look at how things sat at the top of the digital page this day, albeit early in the morning. 

 

Simplistic Simon, ruiner of The Insiders - sorry, the pond deemed it unwatchable in its new guise months ago - reporting that incredibly dumb Victorians - neigh, a majority of Australians apparently fresh out of Animal Farm - were supporting comrade Dan, despite all the reptiles best endeavours, and, look over there on the other side, a new burst of naked hysteria of the Killer Creighton kind ...

 

But the worst betrayal of all? It was sandwiched in the middle, and given an unhealthy prominence.

 

Oh bromancer, how could you do it, and how could the reptiles put you at the top of the page, dancing cheek to jowl with the Killer at his finest? 

 

A third wave? This despite all the finest reptile analysis in the land? And such a thin gruel that the reptiles sought to apply some seafood extender by way of videos, which the pond then assiduously clipped out, to leave nothing but a few short pars ...

 

Oh this talk is more than passing cruel. Why only yesterday, poor, hapless, pants-wetting Robert pissed himself with an Orwellian nightmare ...

 

And this day, need the pond remind you, bromancer, that the Killer was on the case ...

 

And yet here you are, in video-free fits and starts, carrying on like there's some pandemic afoot ...

 

The pond was in complete despair, and had to turn to the letters page for consolation, for a reminder of the real bromancer, for the stimulating companion he can be for lizard Oz readers ...

 

There, that's more the bromancer spirit, the bromancer readership, loons from Dee Why talking of The Divine Will, dictated to some loon by Jesus himself (should the pond modestly admit that Jesus is behind the keyboard at the pond? What is the policy of locking up people who think they're Napoleon these days? What if the pond only thinks every second day that it's distilled essence of the Holy Ghost?)

But back to the bromancer, in a pitiful short and truncated par, lathering up fear and hysteria in a way that would make George Orwell and his reptile chums shudder in disbelief...

 

Oh come now, it's almost as if you think the world is in the grip of a pandemic. 

Yesterday the pond shamefully overlooked the Major because the reptiles have developed the trick of holding back their star performers so that they will miss the pond's morning deadline (can the pond influence the reptile publishing habits? Is the pond in the grip of both paranoia and delusion?) Naturally the Major was spot-on ...

 

That's more like it bromancer. Heed the Major in his infinite wisdom. Comrade Dan is all the fault of the ABC, and gesture hypnotically in a Star Wars or Killer Creighton way, "this is not the pandemic or the virus you are looking for ..."

 

What is this talk of European countries? Everyone knows that they're in league with comrade Dan and his socialistic ways! 

Of course the commie Tories are going to talk of tipping points, as a way of imposing new fiendish comrade Dan lockdown measures, but really, shouldn't we all be allowed to take a quick junket to Italy to party, as a way of shaking out a little stress?

Worse, bromancer, see how your idle panic has ruined the work of so many devoted reptiles, and seen Australians embrace wicked leftism. Who knows how long western civilisation can last if this sort of talk keeps getting reported in the lizard Oz?

 

You see, bromancer? Look at the hideous damage you're doing ... please, repent, and get back to reporting the end of Western Civilisation, speaking in tongues and yearning for the rapture ...

 

It is still right to be cautious? We can't wish the virus away? We can't do a Donald?

Oh bromancer, you've undone all the work of so many brave reptiles with your idle chatter. You've ruined Killer's day, you haven't reassured the Orwellian Robert Götterdämmerungliebsen, and most likely the Major has gone bush in Queensland searching for that Lenin medal ...

Best then for the pond to pass on in silence, and take a look at what else is on offer this day ...

Hmm, slim pickings, with the usual tosh. Stout Ewin still doing work on comrade Dan, and Dame Groan pumping up the power of the unions, though when the pond last heard the news, it was that union numbers were falling, and that the merciless exploitation of workers by the gig economy was all the go ...

There really was only one choice ... all the more so because it carried a potent image of clean, dinkum, pure dinkum digger Oz coal, oi, oi, oi ...

There's a reason he sits atop the pond's page, and once more he returns to claim his place ...

 

Yes, gas is not the climate hoax you were looking for.

Contrast this with simplistic Simon, thinking that SloMo is some new Teddy Roosevelt ...

 

Yes of course if you see this goose on The Insiders you should switch off at once. His nose has been up Liberal arses, and SloMo's in particular, for so long, that he's lost all sense of daylight, and is positively vampiric ...

As for those two most important words in the political lexicon, the pond guesses that "stop killing people", especially oldies in aged care homes, is a bit too long-winded, and besides the Canavan caravan has kindly stopped to remind us of the luddite lexicon ...

 

 

Now do you get it, simplistic Simon? The two most important words in the political lexicon are "dinkum coal", though the pond will allow "clean Oz coal" because it counts like the Donald, and will accept "climate hoax", or if you will, and feel you need an extra word, "climate science fraud" ...

Oh yes, let's get on the Canavan caravan and hear it for pure sweet innocent Oz coal, with a lavish dose of climate science denialism ...

 

Didn't that feel good? Didn't that feel true? Wasn't that just like the glorious days when the onion muncher ruled the roost?

And so to the pond's bonus, the IPA fix for the day, because the pond can never get enough talk of George, and silencing dissent and tyranny ...

 

Now in these troubled times, the pond can think of many things to get agitated about - but as the pond has never read a single word by JK Rowling, she's not one of them. The pond passes her silently, like a ship in the night, and leaves TG bashing to experts in the field ...

Apparently Liberal party senators - unaware of the pickle the country is in - are happy to pass their time blathering about cancel culture and all the usual IPA shit, wheeled out as a distraction from the genuine shit that's going down ...

 

 

Of course the pond has a bigger problem. It seems this Chandler person was scribbling for the Hobart Mercury, which is a Murdochian rag with a paywall ...

Why should an elected servant of the public publish her bigoted views and put them behind a paywall in service of the Murdoch empire?

Taxpayers pay for her salary, and then must pay again to access her bigoted views? Why doesn't she just stand up in parliament and say how she thinks Harry Potter is a whiz?

Come to think of it, must we also pay to access the thoughts of Jimbo, hidden behind the lizard Oz paywall?

Why the IPA gives away its stuff for fair value ... free ... (though even free comes at a price when you think of the mind rot and brain worms that are attached).

You see, Tasmanians didn't vote for Chandler to hide her bigoted values behind a Murdochian paywall. Many would not share her bigoted opinions, but wouldn't have the time, or the money, to access them, and worse, once locked out by the paywall, they lack the platform by which they might call her a prime doofus ... an exemplary loon, more interested in mindless culture war distractions, when the country is already over a cliff, and the only answer we seem to have is the Canavan caravan, still clutching a lump of coal, and never mind the planet being fucked ...

There's an even worse situation for some, evoked this day by the infallible Pope ...

 

 

Oh yes, tax cuts for the rich will fix the cancel culture.

But please do go on with the culture wars ... 

 

What is this talk of free speech? Chairman Rupert has put a price on Jimbo's speech. He's also put a price on Chandler's speech. Indeed, he thinks he controls speech in this country ... but thankfully Jimbo is courageously and passionately clueless, in the usual IPA way, and will not be silenced, and has a Murdochian platform which exposes the absurdity of this process to those stupid enough to stump up their hard won cash to the Murdochian empire ...

As for the pond, one more gobbet of this "free to Murdochian subscribers" from taxpayer-funded politicians will be more than enough ...

 

Oh and while you're at it, you can take your TG phobic JK Rowling, and shove her up your fragile, panic-laden, fear-mongering, TG bashing rectum ... because the pond is so tired of a ruling government lathering up talk of fear of online mobs, when the only thing to fear is a Canavan caravan clutching coal as we march like lemmings towards the realities of the climate science hoax ...

And now, this having been a cartoon lite day, why not a Rowe to wrap things up, with more Rowe here ...