In which the pond turns down eighty bucks to offer the Terrorists an arm-breaking tip or two ...

Dear Terrorists, the pond is here to help.

The pond is always here to help.

No, not dimwit Dick, finding yet another way to wave the flag and carry on like a chook in a thunderstorm and flog his shamelessly imitative rip-off foods, and dress them up as an heroic battle against internationalist capitalism ...

The pond is standing by for Dick Smith's Ozefacelook ...

No, the pond is responding to your urgent plea for help and for diligent workers to tend the coalface ...

$80?

Do you have a fruit-picking job going?

Surry Hills?

Is there an iron-clad guarantee that the pond won't run into a bearded and tatted Surry Hills hipster peddling decent coffee? The pond has heard that the streets of Surry Hills are haunted by the dangerous 'leets that threaten to ruin the world ...

Now the pond did enjoy some of the fun of of the juxtapositions on offer, with that eighty bucks nestling up against Gina ...

Oh cry a river for the long suffering execs... so the pond has decided to offer its help for free.

Such magnanimity doesn't come along every day of the week, but heck, the pond has some knowledge and awareness of the logarithms that rule our daily online life, and its clear that the click-bait model isn't working for you, seeing as how there's so many other forums for click bait lovers available around the world ...

Let's begin with the basics ...

Now there's a problem from the get go.

While you, the pond and the lamp post might enjoy the Terror's rabid fixation on Clover Moore, no one outside Surry Hills gives much of a flying fuck, so offering to charge for the pleasure of reading yet another contribution to the Terror's ongoing obsession is a tad suspect as a business model.

As for that story about taxpayer millions funding greenie moaners, the pond deeply appreciates the Terrorist willingness to slag off the onion muncher ... after all has there ever been a bigger rorting of taxpayers in the guise of a greenie program? Or such enormous moaning, sighing and wailing?

But you see, dear Terrorists, the pond had already looked at that story of the arch eco-activist rorting taxpayers, and then moaning about it when the rorting got the chop, here at the ABC ...

As for charging for it?

Now at least you didn't attempt to charge for that story of Malware being at a new low, but has it ever occurred to you that one of the problems people might have experiencing the Daily Terror website is paying good money for shit stories about things no one outside the Surry Hills' Terrorist clique cares much about?

Please allow the pond to turn to the featured columns of the day, both of which carry a request for cash in the Terrorist paw ...

Can we get that attempt to give blondes a really bad name out of the way quickly?

The pond has already done and dusted as many jokes as it can manage about 'enemies of democracy' and frankly a routine about temperamental toddlers by an actual temperamental toddler has all the damp appeal of a sodden, smelly nappy ...

And really, if the pond wanted to spend money on Mark Latham, it would be to get him to do something useful, like break a Sydney taxi-driver's arm ... especially when they try to take the long way round to the airport ...

You see, here's the thing. The pond has a fair suspicion that Latham will, in due course, start rabbiting on about Fairfax, another failing, flailing online organisation, as if anyone, young or old, cares about an internecine war so hoary and aged, it now belongs in a museum with Dean Swift's epic satire of big and little endian egg openers ...

Okay, first tip. If the pond wanted a superficial, short, simplistic video from the WSJ, why it would just, at the click of a mouse, head off to the WSJ.

Second, having just urged people to help out by heading into Surry Hills, it's a bit rich for the taxi-driver-arm-breaker to have a go at Fairfax on the basis of "Fairfax's Inner-Sydney Morning Herald", while scribbling for Murdoch's Inner-Surry Hills Daily Terror ...

Now the pond understands that Latham is a deeply angry man, angry about feminists and Rosie Batty and leftists, always angry with the leftists, angry at the world for him being such a notable dud and failure, and he has been doing this anger routine, like a clown at the circus, for the Terrorists for yonks ...

Strange, no mention of Surry Hills in that rant, but there was a spiffing illustration designed to delight the female readership ...

Never mind, let's get back to the latest outing, a venting of the spleen seemingly designed to prove that Latham can match Miranda the Devine at essence of bile ...

Now here's the thing Terrorists.

The pond doesn't mind yours and the arm-breaker's fixation on the Herald, but pay for the pleasure?

There was one line in particular that stood out like dog's balls ...you know, the one about the Herald blaming Trump's triumph on working people pottering around on social media.

Actually, the Herald was just picking up on a story that had romped around the United States ... you know, in much the same way as you can find videos of the WSJ on the WSJ site ... 

Wired was writing back on 15th November about how it wasn't fake news that won it, but it was still Facebook wot did it ... and the fake news furore was featured in WaPo on November 24 with an honourable mention of the role of the Ruskies in the flood of fake news ... and then there was CNN getting agitated only a few days ago here ...

Those examples could be multiplied by the hundreds ... the tragedy, you see, dear Terrorists, is that somehow the arm-breaker thinks that Fairfax is still a meaningful frontline enemy ...

Of course there are a few other things in that rant - like a click-baiting Terror site berating Fairfax for their click-baiting ways, or the arm-breaker talking about a privileged, wealthy, self-entitled woman, as if that's meaningful and powerful abuse up against, a privileged, wealthy, self-entitled billionaire man ...

But this advice is getting longer and longer  the more we talk about ultimate Terrorist arrogance, expecting everywoman punters to pay for this sort of shit ...

Now how long before another Terrorist and Latham bête noire makes the cut ...yes, it's the ABC's turn.

 

But there were a lot of pundits who got it wrong, and at least The Insiders cracked a few egg jokes about getting it wrong, even if Cassidy ducked the egg ...

You wouldn't find the Bolter getting out an egg, despite his Media Watch award winning efforts ...(how pleasing to see that the arm-breaker won the Phoenix award) ...

But in the end, dear Terrorists, who cares?

Who cares about the Bolter, who cares about Latham, who cares about the Terror's ceaseless war with the ABC and the Fairfaxians?

And now you want to spend eighty bucks a pop to find out who cares about Clover, life, pain, Terror tedium, daily ennui and the whole damn thing?

After all, it's understandable in a newspaper that has made a career out of false reporting and false news that an arm-breaker like Latham shouldn't care much about the fake news that tours the world ..

That should have been headed 'new breed of fuck-upped factual errors', per Media Watch here ... and how poignant was it then to return to the arm-breaker for a final burst of anger and rage about fake news...

So here's a tip Terrorists. 

Why do you expect people to pay for Mark Latham having yet another go at Fairfax, and the ABC? Would you expect them to fork out for a fluff-gathering expedition or a navel-gazing competition, or even worse, a comparison of sphincter sizes and functions?

It must really irritate you that news.com.au, with its anodyne, climate science endorsing coverage is making out like a click bait bandit ... oh yes, and back in September, Mumbrella was reporting that the Sydney Morning Herald  had displaced the ABC to take second position, here ...

The Terror's place in the top ten?

Strange, the Terror didn't seem to be mentioned.

Is talking to a few punters at 80 bucks the pop dodging the 'leets in Surry Hills hipster central going to do it for you?

Good luck with that, and good luck with selling Mark Latham, a man who failed as leader of the Labor party, and now fails as he flails, up against the online competition available at the drop of a bit of cruelty to a mouse ....click, click, and they're gone, with a tiny squeak of the mouse ...

All the pond can think to suggest is that you hire a decent cartoonist, and put him outside the paywall, and pray ... because the pond will always link to papal infallibility to be found in this Pope here ...