As the silly season kicks in, the pond is confronted by an unpresidented problem as it prepares for its Xmas holy days.
Who should occupy the last post, and take up the valuable space which indicates everything the pond stands for?
This valiant warrior's work, reptile crème de la reptile crème will guarantee readers returning even into the New Year for another lingering, savouring read, and will evoke the pleasures to come in 2017 ...
It's a big call, but surely Miranda the Devine has made a valiant pitch, with her clarion call to make Australian spelling great again ...
There, that's how to think big ...
And as for that suggestion that Malware go drown himself - in the usual thoughtful, caring, cheerful Devine way ...
This valiant warrior's work, reptile crème de la reptile crème will guarantee readers returning even into the New Year for another lingering, savouring read, and will evoke the pleasures to come in 2017 ...
It's a big call, but surely Miranda the Devine has made a valiant pitch, with her clarion call to make Australian spelling great again ...
Yes, if the Donald could make America great again in the matter of spelling, and perhaps in maths and geography too, then surely Barners is the man to do it for dinkum English ... and perhaps maths too ...
Now it will be at once recognised that this is immortal writing in an heroic tradition, and needs no gloss.
The Devine, blissfully unaware that Barners, aka the shouting mouth and the barnyard voice, is most loved and universally known as the bush turkey and the Tamworth gobbler, is doing a Carlyle ...
And so we can turn to the heroic in Tamworth history, a legend in their own and the Devine's Sunday lunch time ...
Oh indeed, fuck climate science, and while we're at it, fuck the planet, because grand fucking on a planetary scale requires a man of grand vision, and an infinite ability to spell ...
Others will have to work out what it means to suddenly introduce rat-fuck cunning and furtive calculations into the maths.
Most calculating? That's praise? Apparently in the world of the Devine, where rat-fuck cunning of a despicable kind, is highly valued and much praised ...
Did we switch books?
Never mind, on we go, and surely now is the time to prove that Barners is dinki di, and the way to make Australia great again - and to really fix the way kids spell - is to get on the piss, and down a beer in the approved Maguires' pub manner ... and not some pathetic Victorian/Melburnian girlie glass of a pony, but a man's man drink as befits a Tamworth squire ...
Wombats?
How did wombats get into a tale of making Australian spelling great again? We've gone from Napoleon and princes to wombats?
Okay, perhaps we should wrap this up ...
Protectionist black Jack? Well there goes the last talk of free trade ... but what an inspirationally long running service he offered the country, all the way from 19th December 1967 to 10th January 1968 ...
And as for that talk of forty billion!?
Why that's huge ... so huge it prompted the pond to take a walk down memory lane ...
There, that's how to think big ...
And as for that suggestion that Malware go drown himself - in the usual thoughtful, caring, cheerful Devine way ...
... what happens if he's picked up by a Chinese submarine, taken to Chyynnah ... and spills the beans?
That would be simply unpresidented and the spelling of the children of Australia would suffer enormously ...
Now it has to be said that the Devine's work is up to her typically wonderful standard, and any blog would be happy to nail it to the mast as a sterling example of all that's good and profound ... clearly the reptiles valued it so much that they decided it should be outside the paywall and free for all.
But sadly a note of uncertainty crept into the pond, because there were naysayers and doubters ...
Indeed, indeed. Is Barners really the way forward? Will he ensure an unpresidented level of competence?
Is there a reptile who will accept the challenge.
If the pond's memory serves it correctly, what inspiration will tomorrow's challenger bring on? How will the Iron Devine fight back. The heat is on.
Leftists! Bloody deviant leftists with their reviewgate and then there's those wretches who listen to climate scientists, when everyone knows gravity is just a state of mind ...
Well then it's clear cut. The pond simply can't leave it at the Devine blathering on in her leftist way about that wickedly leftist Barners ...
The hunt is back on. Which reptile will reign supreme with their krazy kuisine?
And sorry Barners, you've been deveined, degutted and Devined by your shared lickspittle leftist lurching ...
I passed through Nowendoc a few weeks ago.
ReplyDeleteIt was like the setting for 'the inn of the damned' or 'the cars that ate Paris', one of those fly speck villages consisting of a cluster of fibro houses with peeling paint, a dilapidated general store with empty shelves and rusty gas pumps, and a sign indicating a motel (Bates?) pointing down a dirt track.
Apparently they are well satisfied with their representation.
She had to find something to write about, DP. Something that - even more than usual - didn't take much thought.
ReplyDeleteBarners.
'Dinki di'?? Check how Barnaby's holding that beer, with several lower fingers gaily shooting the breeze. Looks to me more like Opera House forecourt than Walcha pub. And anyway, it's only a middy, not a schooner. Who could trust him?
ReplyDeleteDevine is nauseating.
What Collarenebri needs is a great big dam. That should fix things. A 'massive irrigated bread basket'? Didn't we try that before in the Ord River basin? Imagine the evaporation rate over the area from SW Queensland to Renmark.
Anon, Ord River agriculture is now (finally) getting a pretty good go on, for some, especially for those most calculatingly Barners-like there in a big way...
DeleteRegardless, their ABC relatedly quotes Barnyard today:
Scientists get down and dirty to unlock northern Australia's agricultural potential
Developing the north is "vitally important", according to Agriculture Minister and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce.
"Mining is great, but it's boom and bust ... but agriculture is a constant flow of wealth that comes back," he said.
Sure it is Barnyard, sure it is. A constant flow of wealth. No booms, no busts, that's Australian farming. Never mind drought, nor flood, nor evaporation rate; nor cyclone, nor bush fire; nor nobody lives there for good reason; nor tropical pests and diseases; nor siltation, nor soil salinisation; nor freight, fuel, finance, and other farm input costs; nor crashing ERoEI, nor that agriculture turns oil into food and we're now perched atop the cliff face of Hubbert's peak oil curve; nor farmer suicide rates, nor banks, nor reality... and, don't mention mention climate change...
The Qld LyingNastyParty senatorial replacement after Barnyard's NSW border crossing for a seat in richer green pastures is quoted there following Bjelke Beetroot's quote:
"If we can, over time, irrigate one and a half million hectares in the north, that would almost double the amount of land we have under irrigation today ... in the whole of Australia, and that would help us to double agriculture over time," Minister for Northern Australia Matt Canavan told the ABC.
"We don't have a lot of major dams in the north and in the south, in the Murray Darling and other places, we've kind of exploited the resources we already have, so our future opportunities in agriculture, our future opportunities to develop our water resources do predominantly lie in the north."
Senator Canavan said the Government's $5 billion Northern Australia Infrastructure Facility would help to ensure that any northern foodbowl could get its produce to market.
Sure. And when it can't, never mind, there will have been an abundance of pork in barrels delivered to all the right places.
The LNP and One Nation, a 100 year Queensland reich, and plenty of pork for all...
DeleteI bet Palashay's Qld Labor now regrets her typically too-clever-by-half reversal this year of pumpkin-head Beatty's smashing electoral law change to optional preferential voting that meant the Libs and Nats, as they were, couldn't win in a three cornered contest. They had to merge. "Can't Do" then promptly wiped out bullshit Bligh. Watch the LNP and ON wipe the floor with Labor and Palashay next year due to her cleverly bringing back exhausted preferential voting.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2016-12-18/one-nation-to-announce-36-new-candidates-for-queensland/8129680
""Western Queensland needs one thing to prosper — water. We are a dry country, drought is more the norm than the average, we need water," Mr Savage said.
"The Bradfield Scheme will drought-proof 100 million hectares of inland Queensland, it will create 100,000 jobs and create a food bowl that will feed Asia for the next 100 years."
A second round of One Nation candidates is due to be announced in the new year."