In which the pond relies on the dog botherer and nattering "Ned" to produce a deeper philosophical understanding of existential ennui ...

Look, the pond realises that even the most stout-hearted reader's hearts sink when the dog botherer turns up to talk of climate science, and government policy in relation to this non-existent problem.

The simplest thing in such matters is to order an inquiry which comes up with an idea, and then rule it out before the idea is considered, because rabid ideologues rule the roost. To do otherwise would require a spine, and more of that much further on ...

Now there's no point being Laura Tingle-ish about this sort of thing, or even reading Secret report shows killed carbon plan 60pc cheaper (sorry, paywall restricted, might be Cooreyed).

The starting point must be that everybody realises that global warming doesn't exist, and even if it did, Australia can't do anything about it, and there's no point in trying, and so all we're talking about is how to keep the cost of Christmas decorations to a sensible minimum ...

You know how the argument goes ...

It's always worth having that understanding handy when the dog botherer gets going ...

You see how handy it is to remember the stages?

That way you can have a really deep, rich and resonant laugh about that onion munching line about being committed to tackling climate change ...

Now let's just remember the tactics ...

Good, we're ready for that final dog botherer par ...

And now for those who thought the dog botherer was a test, that's nothing for the reptiles this day also featured nattering "Ned" on the same subject ...

Talk about a deep and harrowing sigh of suffering.

No one embarks on a journey with nattering "Ned" lightly ...

Okay, the pond understands it's coal, coal, coal downunder and coal, coal, coal for the world, and while on this steam train to the future, the pond can offer refreshments and amusements to ease the tedium of the journey ...

Innovation? Yes, it's innovative coal ...

Well that was good for a chuckle, but nothing in the end can lighten the burden of the tedium of nattering "Ned's" company ...

Serial mythologies ...?

Yes, that'd be climate change at the top of nattering "Ned's" list ...

Sure the pond might turn up a cartoon or two as a distraction ...

But then the pain returns, like a rabbit gnawing at its leg to try to break free of the trap ...

It becomes almost unendurable and nothing, absolutely nothing, will relieve the pain. All attempts at humour will seem painful, like nails scratching on blackboard ...

In the end all anyone wants is for it to stop, or to go away, or perhaps to find a hole or a cave where it's quiet and peaceful, and the nattering becomes a distant drone ...

Now there are many other understandings of the situation at hand on the full to overflowing intertubes. But this is the pond, these are the reptiles of Oz, and the portentous pompous prose of prattling "Ned" is designed to reduce debate to a queasy, resentful silence.

And as always, all that's left for the pond is an ironic laugh...

It's been a long wait to get to a relevant Pope, but those in search of a dose of papal infallibility don't have to wade through a reptile stew, they can get their papal insights by mainlining them here ...