Day 63 of MUC and day 16 of MOC, and the reptiles go into panic, fear and loathing and the "real Malware" mode ...

Oh dear, trouble at mill brewing, and those that live by the polling die by the polling ...

And where are the Murdochian tabloids, ready to do the heavy lifting? 

Why, there's the HUNsters putting Malware and the Mafia on the front page, even if down the bottom ...

This isn't so far from being a Fairfaxian front page ...

Naturally the reptiles of Oz rushed forward with advice ... none more helpful than Phillip Hudson ...

Naturally the pond was intrigued - was the real Malcolm the Malware that had stuffed up the NBN, or the one that had stood side by side with the mutton Dutton in the last few days?

Would we have a meditation on what was "real" and what was "unreal"?

That's it? 

All that preamble and then all we get is 'Let Turnbull be Turnbull', but don't let the real Malcolm be the real Malcolm because that'd be like the real Julia and that was famously foolish?

What to do?

Unleash the inner Godwin Grech?

In despair, the pond turned to the reptiles' head coach. A minor reptile like Hudson might fumble and utter fatuities but the head coach was sure to have a firm grip on matters ...

Yes, that's more like it, a bit of fear and an emphasis on slashing and burning and cutting and downsizing ...

That's it? 

All the head coach is got to offer is four paragraphs? 

Oh sure there's the dire warnings and the muttered imprecations about Nick and the mad woman of Tasmania and jobs and growth ... did we mention growth and jobs and the refusal to rely on endless repetitions of simple-minded slogans?

But how does it help the reptiles' cause if they describe their man as a soft, flabby puncher, with no jab or hook, or even a haymaker? A wimp and a loser who could have been a contender but doesn't know how to brawl ...

What, he's just Tony Abbott in a top hat, incapable of onion-munching or wall-punching?

It's only the beginning of the week, and already the pond is torn between the desire to have a long sleep, and the desire to watch the reptiles in increasing torment. 

No doubt they'll get into gear later in the week and devise ways to generate a decent fear campaign ... but here's a tip ... describing the ways that everybody from Malware to Amanda Vanstone did the dance with crims in Victoria isn't the best of starts ...

Nor is calling your boy a flabby useless puncher who needs to discover the inner Malcolm, whatever that inner Malcolm might be, as clearly the reptiles don't have a clue as to what the real Malware might stand for ... climate science, SSM, decent treatment of the CSIRO, a civil approach to refugees and gulags, and more to offer on the economy than a parrot-like chant of agile jobs and innovative growth?

Sheesh, and the pond, with its deep family-driven loathing, thought Bill Shorten would be a hard sell.

Well at least there's a Rowe cartoon which covers a multitude of members and more Rowe here.