Friday, February 22, 2019

In which Lady Macbeth and dinkum clean Oz coal haunt the reptiles ...


The reptiles were so disturbed and distressed by the alleged Chinese ban on "coal" that they had to fudge the wording and talk airily of "exports", anything to stop the sweet dinkum black stuff from being tarnished by a black ban …

And they kept up the talk of "exports" in the digital edition, even though it was apparently a "provocative strike at our top export earner", whatever that might be … perhaps the live trade in kangaroos … and naturally the bromancer was on hand to berate Beijing ...


A similar thing happened with the Terror's farewell to Julie Bishop. Apparently the first front page took its cue from a Devine header …



Well yes, there is more to that story because by the time the pond became sentient, all references to 'Lady Macbeth' had been deleted, and there was talk of the Devine having been sanitised, impossible to imagine though that is … and so the front page was just a snide reference to heels … because there's nothing like discussing footwear to elevate political discussions …


Oh look, coal was there too …

The lizards of Oz almost achieved the same level of excellent coverage with their splash …how the reptiles love a flash of leg ...


It should have read "Bishop's place is in the home", but the pond can forgive the minor typo, because it understands how distressed the reptiles must be at not being able to scribble in the future about Bishop's manner of dress, so typical of reptile political coverage … everybody will recall that provocative story "John Howard leaves politics in the most stunning suit" …replete with a snap of naughty flash of enticing ankle.

Still, a reptile's job is to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. While others might have thought Bishop's resignation says something about SloMo and the role of women in the Liberal party and the general Paladin fucked state of affairs, it was left to the bouffant one to win the pond's "Black Knight of the Week" award …


The bouffant one was more modest in his illustration, avoiding a flash of leg, or clicking heels ...


This was wise because he didn't want distractions as he turned what was something of a loss of a long-time senior Liberal into something of a victory ...


Yes, the loss of an uppity, difficult Lady Macbeth with asbestos tendencies meant nothing, comrade Bill was routed, and there would be no more jokes of the Rowe kind, even if Rowe kept on joking here


If that didn't win the "Black Knight of the Week" award, then the pond might as well not bother with the gong at all …

And now back to climate science and coal and the whole damned thing, and here the pond faced a difficult choice. The 357k woman was parroting what she'd read in the paper …


But the pond had already looked at Fisher - it's gunna cost ya - and searched around desperately for a substitute. Everyone knows a parrot is no use in a coal mine, you need a canary ...

The Speccie mob were a dead loss, with Giles rabbiting on about modern art and neo-Marxism and all the usual, producing only one gem - wherein Giles revealed a deep love for dictatorships, and Soviet State art, instead of all that dreadful modernism …


Indeed, indeed, and next week Giles will hopefully scribble his approval of Nazi aesthetics and their disapproval of decadent Weimar republic art and all that modernist guff - damn you George Groz - perhaps with the helpful explanation that modern art and the modernist movement was an act of aesthetic violence by Jews against the German spirit (Greg Hunters go here) …

Damn you Chagall and your floaty things, but the pond couldn't linger because Henry "hole in the bucket" Ergas was calling …


But why prefer the doddering pedant to the doddering Giles?

Well our Henry posed a keen challenge, up there with the best crosswords … see how many times climate science is mentioned as having some possible perspective and insight to offer on the future of the world ...


Nope, the closest we get is the "premise that coalmining is undesirable", and the sense that dinkum clean Oz coal is being persecuted unfairly from Chinese ports to foolish local judges …

Will Henry mention actual climate science in the next gobbet?


Nope, damn, this is a tricky crossword puzzle.

There's plenty of emissions in that gobbet but strangely our Henry danced around the miscreant judge's unlearned findings …

The judge concluded that an open-cut coal mine "would be in the wrong place at the wrong time". "Wrong place because an open-cut coal mine in this scenic and cultural landscape, proximate to many people's homes and farms, will cause significant planning, amenity, visual and social impacts," he said. "Wrong time because the greenhouse gas emissions of the coal mine and its coal product will increase global total concentrations of [those gases] at a time when what is now urgently needed, in order to meet generally agreed climate targets, is a rapid and deep decrease in [those] emissions. "These dire consequences should be avoided." (Nine rag here)

But our Henry has still got a gobbet to go, and could still win out by mocking the talk of dire consequences, while exposing climate science as fake, faux science, the fake news that all Trumpians understand it is…



Nope, just mindless blather about British justice, it being apparent that our Henry is still having some trouble adjusting to being a colonial …

Meanwhile, in another country on a different planet …

Chief Justice Preston included in his reasoning the fact that there must be a carbon budget – a total amount of emissions that can be released – if targets under the Paris Climate Agreement are to be met. And even if the proposed mine was relatively small, it wasn't enough for a company to calculate the direct emissions that come from scraping out 100-million-year-old coal – the fugitive methane, the pollution generated by the digging and transport, and so on; the actual burning of that fuel, wherever it occurred in the world, also had to be taken into account. "The difference between this case and other coal mine planning appeals [such as those against the Adani project in Queensland] is that the court has accepted that scope 3 emissions from the burning of the mine's coal in other countries should be taken into account in determining environmental impacts," says Sarah Barker, a special counsel dealing with environmental, social and governance risks, adding the emphasis.  
As one lawyer put it, Gloucester Resources mounted "a curious argument" that total emissions would be hard to determine: "Is it 'decorative coal' they are digging up, with no anticipation it will be burned?" 
Baker and McKenzie partner Martijn Wilder told clients: "The decision does not necessarily mean the end of any new coal mine approvals in NSW, because it was highly specific to the particular facts of this application." Still, "a proponent of any new mine in NSW would be well advised to arrange offsets for anticipated greenhouse gas emissions prior to seeking approval for the project. As a commercial matter, there may be questions as to how obtaining these offsets could affect the profitability of the endeavour," Wilder says.

Ah, if only they'd realise that climate science is a fraud and a hoax, it would all be so much better for the common good, and the reptiles could continue their love affair with dinkum clean coal until the end of time, or at least the twelfth of never … why as Giles himself knows, if only we'd kept the Soviet regime going, there'd be good art and coal in abundance ...

After all there's an enormous amount of competition on the world stage, and we must be competitive …





Thursday, February 21, 2019

In which the apocalypse beckons and the savvy Savva is beset by niggling fears ...

 

The apocalypse, now! 

And that fiend Richard Marles, smirking and gloating … but the reptiles know that Labor is unravelling, it's full of splitters doing a poor quality Python imitation ...


As for the wretched finch at the heart of the fuss, the reptiles have sorted it all out, anything to avoid the apocalypse …


Yes dinkum backyard breeders could just roll up their sleeves and save the pesky bird, and so keep the love affair between the reptiles and dinky clean Oz coal going. And think of the tourism dollar, as tourists gather to marvel at the finch, as jaunty and perky as anything in their backyard cages …

Sad to say however, the pond was a tad disappointed at the climate science denialism trotted out to deal with the catastrophe ...


The whole thing could have been summarised by the line "it's gunna cost ya." No, not changes in the climate, doing anything about the climate … oh, it's gunna cost ya ….


Indeed, indeed, it's gunna cost ya, and there's nothing we can or should do about it … it's a debate going on around the world, and everyone knows it's gunna cost ya, and should be ignored at every turn …


What crisis, you cackling geese? The only crisis is that it's gunna cost ya, not changes to the climate, but futile attempts to do anything about it ...


We'll all be rooned, said Hanfisherhan, before the year is out …


The real crisis, the genuine apocalypse, is an attempt to drive a wedge between the reptiles and their love of dinkum clean coal … and for what. Why get them agitated with talk of the apocalypse ... because it's gunna cost ya ...


It was a relief to turn from the apocalypse to the savvy Savva's tale of heartening uplift ...


Yes, there are wins everywhere at the moment … just look at the infallible Pope celebrating yet another win, with more winning Pope here


But enough of sweet harmonising, it's time for the savvy Savva ...


70 people! Why it's a veritable flood of people anxious to avoid the apocalypse, and the invasion from the north. 

The pond felt inspired and hopeful, and even experienced a little yearning for singing nuns … because, completely unsolicited, two people volunteered to help the campaign. 

The pond could sense a quivering in the boots, an almost irrational excitement, a surge of triumphalism ...


Indeed, indeed, everyone relies on Newspoll, and truth to tell, the polls have an impeccable record for getting it right … and yet the pond could sense some saucy doubts and fears in the savvy Savva, just as it seemed we'd entered the straight with the good ship SloMo on a fast course to victory, driven by the wind in its Tampa sails ...


Say what? From renewed hope, then a short hop, skip and a jump to along way from being confident? 

Niggling fears? Say it ain't so? All the hopes in her survey dashed at the last moment …even the savvy Savva cabined, cribbed, confined, bound in to saucy doubts and fears ...

Sure there's a few dropkicks in the ranks, but even he sings a good song, better than a singing nun, and besides there's always Barners, shop-soiled but always ready for a bargain basement sale …


And Rowe himself, in his usual positive way, is full of tales of hope … with more hopeful Rowe here … celebrating the wind in the sails ...



Wednesday, February 20, 2019

In which the pond takes many roads, and none of them lead to Dame Slap ...



Life is a series of choices, they say, random decisions that lead somewhere or nowhere, and frequently involve perversity … but it takes an enormous amount of perversity to choose to walk away from a Dame Slap at the top of the digital page, blessed with a Lobbecke cartoon that guarantees the good Dame reptile cult status. 

What could possibly explain such an outrageously foolish act?

Well the reptiles have other fish to fry, and as always, clean dinkum Oz coal must be front and centre …see how the real story is top of the page in the tree killer edition, and in the digital edition too …

 

What's it all about? Well the pond doesn't bother with news trivia, and tales of dastardly greenies, and the Labor party falling into line with the lizard Oz coal lovers, it likes to cut to the lizard Oz editorialist to get the good oil, or the undiluted clean dinkum Oz coal …


Yes, the reptiles know that between suggesting coal might have something to do with the perilous condition of the planet, or reducing it all to the parlous state of a finch, they know the benefits of logical reductionism …


It reminded the pond of that song it used to chant in primary school, with more lyrics by Wilcox to hand here ...


You see, if you could only realise that climate science is fake news and been demolished by the reptiles' expert list of climate scientists - you know, Moorice, Lloydie, Dame Slap, Bjørn - where's Bjørn when he's needed? - you can immediately understand the importance of exporting heaps more carbon to the world …


Indeed, indeed, the pond loves our staunch denial in the face of climate science, our leadership of dinkum clean Oz coal oi oi oi in obstinate defiance …

But with the singing done, surely now to Dame Slap?

Well no, there are many miles to go and different roads to take. The pond could have gone bush with Scottie ...


But then David Rowe starved that idea of oxygen in his cartoon for the day ...


And besides there was enormously important news in the crisis of Western Civilisation ...


The pond could at last, with full giving and loving freedom, celebrate the salvation of Western Civilisation by its residency in the 'Gong ...


Academic interference? Intense speculation? Surely they don't read Crikey and the notorious Guy Rundle, putting the onion muncher front and centre …


There's more here if you can get behind the paywall, but what's wrong with a WASP view of the world, or even a WASRC view, and besides, as Rowe sagely observed today, the onion muncher is too busy elsewhere, keeping watch on the beach for the arrival of the boats …


Let the cry of freedom ring out and a pox on the neighsayers …

Non-analytic philosophy is hived off into a “modern classics” course. It’s the oracular stuff like Nietzsche and Sartre, but no Lukacs, Heidegger or Foucault; systemic thinkers who might give a base to challenge the course’s deepest assumptions. The course seems practically designed to turn out unquestioning analytic liberals, with no contact with other ways of thinking. The occasional woman or black writer is added to the unquestioned “classics”, whose status will be transmitted uncritically by the very design of the course. (Hilariously, bits of Buddhism pop up here and there, like a friend drivelling on at you about his meditation holiday in Bali. There’s more Buddhism than explicit Judaism, as far as I can tell.) But then that’s the point isn’t it? The Ramsay Centre is a private college, established in a public university and piggybacking on its infrastructure. The FAQ talks with pride about how it will be ring-fenced from existing staff — because it knows the NTEU would black it — as if it were doing existing staff a favour. The document trash talks its own humanities department by saying that the department focuses solely on the gender, race, etc aspects of the Western heritage. It doesn’t. You can still study Shakespeare and the Ancient World in the Wollongong humanities. You just won’t get a highly prescriptive and unquestioned line about how excellent it all is thumped into you. The temptation would be to pay it little attention. If the right want to create a sucks’ college with a dull curriculum, let them. Yet it can’t be ignored. From the moment Tony Abbott announced that the course would have to be “for” Western Civilisation, any co-operation with the Ramsay Centre has represented a betrayal of the spirit of the university. The de facto veto power of Ramsay staff over appointments cements that in. The deal represents not only an attack on the public university, but on the very idea of what a university is, that it purports to defend.

Oh tush now ...


Yes, it's apparently a dull, tedious, selective, safe and mentally unchallenging course designed for Young Liberals. A triumph, if they can be kept away from Tinder. 

Some might think this is comprehensively fucked, but at least it has the absolute freedom to be fucked … and what a triumph for Western Civilisation that is …

But now surely there's just enough time and room for Dame Slap? Well no, the pond must honour the Rowe cartoon it has been sampling, with more honourable Rowe here …especially as there's been talk of Buddhism picked up at Bali …

... as the watching and the waiting for the boats goes on, the crabs scuttle, fish flounder and there's free flights for all ...


But surely now Dame Slap?

Well no, because it's the reptiles' and the pond's business plan to bore the shit out of stray readers, and believe it or not, there's someone even better at doing that than Dame Slap … yes, come on down, nattering "Ned" …


"Ned" of late has set himself the challenge of outdoing prattling "Polonius", and this surely shows him at the top of his game ...


Here we are heading towards the end of February, with an election due in May, and the bubble in the brain of the Oz 'leets is intently focussed on some minor game-playing in Canberra, because that's what reptiles do … while the pond is reminded of that short street poll revealing that some Australians didn't have the first clue who SloMo might be ...


Indeed, indeed, and here the pond must revert to a Wilcox cartoon to evoke the impeccable logic of the government and nattering "Ned" himself …


But as we hopefully await the flood of boats, it's back to nattering "Ned" … oh and a history lesson, and never mind appearances, because clinging to power is always a sign that the powerful are out and about, and doing what comes naturally … desperately clinging ...


Indeed, indeed, shamelessness and tedium might be timeless but trust nattering "Ned" to sanitise SloMo from the snake oil salespeople of the past ...


What else would it, could it do? Well not piss billions against the wall on a shameless Xmas Island stunt for starters … with even "Ned" uncertain as he joins the pond on the beach, nattering that "the boats may or may not come."

Oh for "Ned's" sake, will someone just bribe a people smuggler and put the reptiles and the pond out of our misery, and bring on at least one boat so there can be a Tampa feast.

One thing is certain: if the people smugglers were Australian, they'd scribble for the lizard Oz, and then they'd find themselves in the pond, perhaps studying Western Civilisation, and all would be well with the world, powered as it is on dinkum clean Oz coal, oi, oi, oi …

And no, duty done with "Ned" and historical parallels observed - do train lines verge together at the point of infinity? - there's still no room for Dame Slap …

Sure, the pond read Dame Slap and here's the proof, mainly so everyone can enjoy the Lobbecke of the day …


What a card he is, but luckily Cathy Wilcox summarised Dame Slap's argument much more succinctly …


And that's more than enough reptile stew, and Dame Slap stewing about the shareholding well-off for the day ...