Thursday, December 22, 2016

In which the pond returns, like Melba, to honour the pond's late breaking winner of the year, the Angry Sydney Anglicans

The pond knows it has already said its Xmas farewells, but let's face it, in the Australian tradition, there can be as many farewells as Melba ...

And the reptiles getting excited about Cory means that 2017 is going to be an excellent year ... for division, chaos, confusion and delusion ...

Come on Cory, come on, you can do it, you can make life easy for the reptiles and the pond in 2017!

And speaking of delusional, the pond simply had to snatch the prize for Xmas loonery away from all previous honorees and hand it to a new winner ...

And praise be and thank the long absent lord, it's an angry Sydney Anglican, with nary a complimentary woman in sight to spoil the fun ...

Now a paranoid might think that the angry Sydney Anglicans had staged a late run to avoid the pond's competition, but the pond is always pleased to honour madness ..

Yes it's underbelly madness and hipsters suddenly confused and conflated with the loony left, because ... well beards and coffee and tattoos are just so Marxist ...

Even better was the pose the Terrorists had selected for the angry Sydney Anglican ...

Even funnier? Yes, down in the corner, there's the sign that the grinches want to charge for this Xmas pleasure!

Money to be made out of pulpit slapdowns?

Well for those who missed the fun ...

Now never mind that the angry Sydney Anglicans, courtesy of Moore College, have infested and ruined north Newtown, like a tribe of invading cockroaches ...

Yes, the entire strip is now infested by fundamentalist rats and mice gnawing away at sanity ...

And never mind that the glorious archbishop refuses to honour religious traditions and wish people happy holydays ...

What's he got against holy days? Who knows, just as who knows why he decided to become tabloid fodder like a prize cow chewing a silly cud in public...

Never mind, there's a more important reason to celebrate, especially in view of recent kerfuffles ...

'Tis the season of the dummy spit ... 

And all this might introduce an unhappy note, but thankfully the archbishop has redeemed the spirit of the season by selecting a simply divine frock for his Terrorist appearance ... or perhaps the Terrorists thoughtfully selected a sublime happy snap so that he could show off his divine frock ...

Take a lesson, hipsters ... learn to wear a frock gracefully, and you too can get into the pulpit and decry all this modernist gender nonsense ...

Oh it was irresistible, but please, allow the pond to place the snap in context and honour the reptiles ... and then, let the rant, and the confusing of hipsterdom and leftism continue, because let's face it, one decent coffee or a craft beer, and you're well on your way to Stalinism ... just ask the Terrorists who sneak out for a coffee in Surry Hills and then have to pretend to their mates that they got it at McDonalds ...

Outrageous heretical thinking.

Sensitivity? At Xmas time? Damn you Jews, fall into line, or fall out ... Christ's your saviour at Xmas, like it or not. Don't make Dr. the divine Glenn join the alt right just to make the point clear!

And so to a concluding blast of divine angry Anglican insight ...

Point of order your honour.

Newtown and Marrickville are the home of craft beer, and certainly not Annandale.

Yet another epic fail on the part of a mob who work in Surry Hills, so inner city 'leet apparently they never visit the outer suburbs ... which is perhaps why they think you should get your man-bun topiary kit from Chippendale, when the pond knows for a certain fact, that the best supplier is just around the corner from Holt Street ...

Apparently that's where Joe Hildebrand goes for the pruner for his stubble ...

Talk about sun on the stubble ...

But enough of A grade plus hipster wankers with their complete incapacity to find a decent razor or a sensa humour or a lick of irony ...

The pond's decision is final, at least until it changes ...

And so the pathetic, attention-seeking angry Sydney Anglicans have stolen the pond's trophy at the last moment, with an infinitely stupid attention-seeking faux controversy of the fake beat-up kind fake a look as Joe's hipster stubble ...

And for a final bit of Xmas cheer, the pond pondered what this late-breaking outburst might mean.

The angry Sydney Anglicans really must be truly fucked if this is their idea of improving attendances at this time of year ... but perhaps some caring complimentary women will turn out to cheer them along as they fight against the demonic secularists in the epic war on Xmas ...

Meanwhile, the pond is proud to have maintained an Australian tradition ... and again wishes everyone a merry Xmas, or Christmas or happy holy day, or whatever else floats your festivus Saturnalian summer solstice boat ...


  1. Let me be the first to offer well wishings for this farewell, DP. And long may they linger.

    But as to Xmas time carols, there's really only one, even if it does celebrate the far northern hemisphere:

    Jingle bell, jingle bell
    Jingle bell rock
    Jingle bell swing
    And jingle bells ring
    Snowin' and blowin'
    Up bushels of fun
    Now the jingle hop has begun

    Jingle bell, jingle bell
    Jingle bell rock
    Jingle bells chime in
    Jingle bell time
    Dancin' and prancin'
    In jingle bell square
    In the frosty air

    What a bright time
    It's the right time
    To rock the night away
    Jingle bell, time
    Is a swell time
    To go glidin' in a
    One horse sleigh

    Giddy-up, jingle horse
    Pick up your feet
    Jingle around the clock
    Mix and mingle
    In a jinglin' beat
    That's the jingle bell rock.

  2. Nah GB This is the best Christmas carol sung by the Pogues

    It was Christmas Eve babe
    In the drunk tank
    An old man said to me, won't see another one
    And then he sang a song
    The Rare Old Mountain Dew
    I turned my face away
    And dreamed about you
    Got on a lucky one
    Came in eighteen to one
    I've got a feeling
    This year's for me and you
    So happy Christmas
    I love you baby
    I can see a better time
    When all our dreams come true
    They've got cars big as bars
    They've got rivers of gold
    But the wind goes right through you
    It's no place for the old
    When you first took my hand
    On a cold Christmas Eve
    You promised me
    Broadway was waiting for me
    You were handsome
    You were pretty
    Queen of New York City
    When the band finished playing
    They howled out for more
    Sinatra was swinging,
    All the drunks they were singing
    We kissed on a corner
    Then danced…

    1. Dear sweet long absent lord, how the pond loves the Pogues and their dirty old town ... whenever the pond used to get tipsy, it was the first cab off the rank.

    2. Too right. Love the Pogues. Funny, wild, achingly human and vulnerable. I play that song every Christmas. I will hunt it down today and have it ready.

      Miss pp

    3. I would love to have heard Shane Macgowan and Luke Kelly sing together. I don't think they ever did. Does anyone know?

      Miss pp

    4. Oh g'wan Anony (and DP) you just want to make a big old drama of it all, instead of a frivolous romp with horse sleighs and echos of Bill Haley - which is in the true Xmas tradition. Especially in an Australian summer.

  3. Jeez, a cleric complaining that "the politically correct vanguard of secularists are basically trying to conform people to their particular pattern of speech and belief"

    Obviously a fuckwit who doesn't know whether he's the pot or the kettle.

    Anyhoo DP, enjoyed your 2016 musings and look forward to 2017's offerings.

    All the best for the festive season...

    1. And a fuckwit who doesn't know 'vanguard' is singular.

  4. Tallulah BankheadDec 22, 2016, 11:43:00 AM

    Merriest of Christmases to you and your loved ones, Dorothy. Always enjoy your page. Hope you manage some restorative reptile-free time over the next few days :)

  5. Hipsters, Santa, Jolly Jock Hildebrand, Greg, and ... some others - there is some awkward news afoot.
    From Donald Trump is holding a government casting call. He’s seeking ‘the look.’
    “Donald was not going to like that mustache,” said one associate, who spoke on the condition of anonymity to speak frankly. “I can’t think of anyone that’s really close to Donald that has a beard that he likes.”

  6. What a wonderful level of loonery, what a high gilded shelf of fuckwittery Dot. I can see why you found the need to don the Cape of Crap, and share this piece of idiocy.
    Do you recall the bad old days when you could travel South and forget the Terrorists even existed? Darn you internet!
    And from what I read of the blurting and brainfarting of the odd sort Matt Canavan today, you may be back again for more tomorrow:(

  7. By golly, VC, Canavan, that fake news camper van man, was sorely tempting but the pond is deeply superstitious. Too much plum pudding in a gulp and it's heart attack time, and besides everyone so loved the idiocy it's all over the place... he should have won the pond award, he just left it a little too late. Better luck early in the new year, when the loons will once again go hard at it for top spot in the reptile sun ...

  8. Pell, ABC2 9am, xmas morn, Rome.

    Sometimes it is necessary to be lonely in order to prove that you are right. - Putin

  9. Best Christmas carol?

    It's sentimental I know, but I just really like it.


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