How could the pond have doubted?
How could the pond have had such little faith?
How could the pond have had such little faith?
Of course the Caterists were going to make a strong pitch to be the last posting at the top of the pond page during the Xmas/New Year break.
Such a simple message, and yet so poignant.
Who wouldn't want efficiency for Xmas?
Hearken ye Canberra cardigan wearers and gather around ...
Hearken ye Canberra cardigan wearers and gather around ...
Now please, what is it that you must do more efficiently?
Of course ... shovel cash in the paw down the capacious throat of the devouring Caterists ... and never mind the mix of body parts or metaphors ...
That's all you need to do, in an efficient way, to bring efficiency and joy to Xmas ...
Oh okay, there's a few other things, and regarding these, the wise Caterist, bloated like a tick on the body politic, sucking the blood of the Australian taxpayer, will now advise ...
Damn you idle, derelict croweaters, you've forced the Caterist into mixing his metaphors and giving the season of yuletide a bloated belly.
'Tis the season of good cheer and copious grants and your failure to pander to the Menzies Research Centre with a little grant of goodwill is a shameful, shocking thing ...
'Tis the season of good cheer and copious grants and your failure to pander to the Menzies Research Centre with a little grant of goodwill is a shameful, shocking thing ...
Please, allow the pond, courtesy of the Caterists, to explore your wickedness in more depth ...
Indeed, indeed. Now please, useless croweater cardigan wearers, answer this simple question, and pass this simple test.
Please explain what is the problem to which the following grant is a solution?
Please explain what is the problem to which the following grant is a solution?
Warning, if you can't answer, the pond will be forced to ask a second question - what exactly are you doing here in the first place, you useless bludging cardigan wearers ...
Did you pass, oh did you pass?
The pond would have been terribly distressed and traumatised to have ordered mass sackings just before Xmas.
For those who aren't public servants, the simple reason for giving a grant to the Caterists is that ticks and leeches must have their blood, and it would fly in the face of the Xmas spirit to deny them a share of taxpayers' precious bodily fluids.
And that's why cardigan wearers are here in the first place.
To ensure good old Nick gets his slice of cash in the paw so Nick might enjoy his Xmas. And remember cardigan wearers, after the Xmas round of drinks, the next chance to share a drink with Nick is coming up in January ...
In other happy times, it was called a laugh, and everybody laughed and was happy ...
To ensure good old Nick gets his slice of cash in the paw so Nick might enjoy his Xmas. And remember cardigan wearers, after the Xmas round of drinks, the next chance to share a drink with Nick is coming up in January ...
In other happy times, it was called a laugh, and everybody laughed and was happy ...
If only all cardigan wearers understood as clearly as this fine bunch who failed the stern Nick test of cash in the right paw...
Indeed, indeed, the more people sacked, the better we all will be, and the more transferred to the dole, the more we can complain about welfarists ... and then even more will understand the joy and benefits of government cash in the paw.
That's what's real efficiency, cardigan wearers ...
How dare you want to get paid more for the simple business of transferring some cash in the paw electronically into the coffers of the Caterists ...
That's what's real efficiency, cardigan wearers ...
How dare you want to get paid more for the simple business of transferring some cash in the paw electronically into the coffers of the Caterists ...
Why it's outrageous. You see cardigan wearers, raising taxes is a mug's game at any time, but pissing money against the wall is profoundly wise, up there with the three wise men dropping a little gold, frankincense and myrrh on the newborn king. Well it's always wise to hedge your bets ... and besides, where's the harm?
After all, there are many international competitors for cash in the paw, and it would seriously disadvantage Australia in the international blather stakes if the Caterists had to do a decent day's hard yakka ...
Yes, you fools, with your silly creationist talk ... what godlike powers do you assume in your feeble attempts to deny the rightness of funding of the Caterists?
And that talk of the political class reminded the pond of a classic example of the clowns who gathered to celebrate the publishing of a certain book ...
See if you can spot the political class anywhere in these pictures ...
And that's how the Caterists can look like well-fed, self-satisfied clowns entertaining the political classes for their supper ... see, the smirk of the well-off cat that yearly devours the taxpayer cream ...
See the irony? Relish the rich irony of the actual title of the book ...
You see? The lucky grant culture ... and the rise of an Australian grant culture ruling class ...
And now let us proceed to a final flourish of irony ...
Now at last you see?
Government grants should not be measured by what goes in - a dangerous combination of money and the good intention of ensuring Nick has a good Xmas - but by what comes out ....
Government grants should not be measured by what goes in - a dangerous combination of money and the good intention of ensuring Nick has a good Xmas - but by what comes out ....
And what comes out is always pure unadulterated, self-satisfied, modestly ironic and satirical Caterist blather ...
Now some might question this as an outcome.
Now some might question this as an outcome.
But please, touch not a hair on the self-regarding Caterist head, ask no question about the efficiency dividends of accountability.
Allow the pond to put it simply ... the pond needs the Caterists and without the Caterists it would be bereft and forlorn on a Tuesday ...
We must continue to insist that bureaucrats, oh ye brave cardigan wearers, must be pushed from their comfort zones and continue to piss money against the wall on the Caterists ...
The country needs these make-work programs ... because the pond needs the Caterists to parade like fatuous idiots and preen and pose in the pond's banner as we celebrate good old Nick nicking off with the loot in the season of St Nick ...
And now, for those who missed it, Liam Neeson did a wonderful impression of the Caterists threatening Canberra bureaucrats to come across with the loot ...
Warning sleepy bureaucrats, he's watching you when you're sleeping, he's making a list, he knows who's been naughty, and who's been nice, handing out the nice cash in the paw ...
Release the cash!
Warning sleepy bureaucrats, he's watching you when you're sleeping, he's making a list, he knows who's been naughty, and who's been nice, handing out the nice cash in the paw ...
Release the cash!
"...government agencies .....whose sole mission in life is to find dubious ways to spend our money..."
ReplyDeleteBoy, the Caterists love nothing more than presenting a massive, yawning own goal don't they?
If there is a more dubious waste of our money than a "roundtable" hosted by the Menzies society and paid for by us, I'd like to see it.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/state-politics/palaszczuk-appoints-26-labor-people-to-plum-public-postings/news-story/ac8d58d936a3d3501aff02f5c3586643
DeleteYou’d think that after trousering all that nice public funding for so many years the Caterists might have gained some small understanding of how government administration actually operates in this country. However the Head Boy appears to have remained blissfuly ignorant of the fact that the very “reforms” he advocates have been introduced and intensified in the Australian Public Service over the last couple of decades.
ReplyDeleteEfficiency dividends have drastically slashed organisational capacity, resources have been increasingly concentrated in managerial levels and consultancy expenditure at the expense of line areas that actually deliver services, the provision of those services to the general public has suffered, the development, provision and implementation of policy has been increasingly politicised, and a suck-up, punch-down culture has developed, generating a climate of terror, fear and depression among much of the workforce. So Cater already has what advocates - though he doesn’t seem to know it - and the result has been a Public Service that has been comprehensively fucked over, thus in turn fucking over the general public who rely on it.
Still so long as there’s still one person left in the Department of Finance to authorise that annual grant, than all is well.
The Caterists appear to me to embody all the finest reptilian qualities - arrogance, blinkered ideological dogmatism, smugness, self-importance, hypocrisy, deathly dullness and a line in feeble humour suggesting a tendency to wear a lampshade on the head at the office Christmas party. For that reason, I can think of no better reptile on which to end the year.
Have a great break, DP - may Goonoo Goonoo be your Yellow Brick Road.......
Thank you Anon and you too, on your own road, though the pond is always alarmed when well wishes are accompanied by intelligent commentary. It's not quite the Caterist Xmas spirit of taking as a form of giving, is it?
DeleteSadly the pond is off to Melbourne for the break but that mention of Gunny Gah noo gladdened the heart and made it beat a little quicker ... though we prefer to take the Putty road, and then detour via fabulous Quirindi and Werris Creek and Duri to avoid the fuzz on the main drag. A little later, once the tourists have left and the din of country music has subsided, the pond will head north again to hear the magpies ...