In which Dame Groan makes a cameo Wednesday appearance, while both "Ned" and the bro muff their bible references ...

 

A dull day at the pond, what with the pond's refusal to indulge in ambulance chasing or true crime ... unlike the reptiles, who haven't been able to get enough of it ...

There was a political obituary to savour, courtesy of "Ned" and the bro, with "Ned" perched in the much desired top far right position in the digital edition.

Dame Slap was also out and about, and right next to her was a sniggering reference to the genocide. It would, of course, be wrong to mention that Yoni Bashan was at one time in a former life a scribbler for the AJN, but if his joke about posturing about a genocide reaching operatic levels had somehow been written by an Islamic about October 7th, what would the reptiles have done? Relax, it'll never happen ... just have a serve of icecream with jolly Joe.

The good news in the matter of equal pay was that there was no need to indulge in Dame Slap bile when there was a Dame Groan groaning to hand ...

Now for those who think the reptiles have suddenly invested in a new graphics department, the pond has bad news.

That's just another bit of stock footage ... frequently deployed by the reptiles and others whenever women hover into view ...

Dame Groan was about as predictable as the remnants of the graphics department ...

For some bizarre reason, young Jenna Clarke hadn't got the memo from Dame Slap and Dame Groan, and entirely misunderstood the state of pay ... and so balanced things up with a tremendously modern reference to a 2002 sitcom ...

Luckily Jenna quickly realised her error and followed up with a yarn headed Female-focused companies 'among worst' in gender pay, but persisted in her folly ... Companies and brands that are marketed toward women have some of the biggest pay gaps in the country, according to the landmark government report.

Landmark government report? What on earth is in the water cooler in Jenna's section of the lizard Oz bunker?

Dame Groan immediately set her straight ...

Meanwhile, Jenna was still celebrating that sitcom that first rolled out in 2002 and presented those legendary set of aspirational role models for Australian women as the capper to her piece ...

Over in her other piece, Jenna had noted that the Canavan caravan had a better comparison and reference point...

...Nationals senator Matt Canavan has been accused of “giving Labor a gift” for comparing the inaugural report to “annual Andrew Tate recruitment drives”.
“Young men, in particular, feel like they are now being discriminated against and that’s why they’re coming to watch the likes of Andrew Tate in droves,” Senator Canavan said, referring to the alleged rapist and human trafficker.
“Linking Australia’s first major report on the gender pay gap to ‘influencers’ like Andrew Tate, who glorify violence against women, is unacceptable,” Social Services Minister Amanda Rishworth said.
Senior Liberals have told The Australian that Senator Canavan’s comments sparked frustration within the Coalition.

How good is it that Dame Groan and Dame Slap like to ride on the Canavan caravan, and thanks Jenna, Kath and Kim are much better role models...

The infallible Pope of the day somehow managed to link the two stories ...

And so to check out what's below the fold before setting off on that Everest climb with "Ned" and the good inflatable ScoMo ...

The bouffant one is still flogging the dead horse of the tax cuts, and Tanner wants to tan someone's hide with Dunkley?

Sorry, no chance the reptiles will indulge in this sort of cheap gimmick ...

As if climate change is a real thing ...

The pond will have none of that nonsense. Having established that the bromancer has zero taste in pop music, the pond must now celebrate his farewell to Scotty from marketing, that liar from the Shire who did so much for defence and left it in a rock solid situation, celebrated almost daily by the bromancer...

Strange, the pond had come to understand from reading the bro that defence was a total disaster, but it seems now it's a mere trifle, merely the shadow of a dream.

Over at that other place, rarely referenced by the pond, there had been a cascade of letters to the editor ... mentioning the liar from the Shire's desire to be a post-modern Juliar ...

Former PM Scott Morrison’s wish to emulate Julia Gillard in retirement is an attempt to salvage his tattered reputation by drawing on the incredible success of her post-parliamentary career (“Morrison aims for Gillard-like exit”, February 27). It should never be forgotten that Morrison was a member of the Abbott government which continually and savagely attacked Gillard with highly personal and disgraceful comments and innuendos as well as tearing down the success of her government. His best course of action would be just to disappear forever from public life and hope that eventually he will fade into well-earned obscurity. Terry Charleston, Cootamundra

Morrison says that in his post-parliamentary life he intends to be “gracious” like Julia Gillard and “not weigh in regularly on domestic politics”. Let’s hope that Morrison’s stated intention has more sincerity than Tony Abbott’s final speech as prime minister after losing to Malcolm Turnbull, when he said, “There will be no wrecking, no undermining and no sniping. I’ve never leaked or backgrounded against anyone, and I certainly won’t start now.” John Payne, Kelso

Morrison joins a long line of MPs leaving parliament via the “golden revolving door” to take up some lucrative consultancy and taking his generous parliamentary pension with him. All too often these consultancies, advisory roles, think tanks and board positions involve lobbying in portfolio areas they have just left. How good would it be if our pollies could only draw their pensions once they actually stopped working, or if it was means-tested in accord with how much they were still earning?

Craig Forbes, Lewisham

Thanks Mr Morrison for making me laugh out loud in a week of otherwise awful news! Chris Hardie, Gymea Bay

I doubt Morrison is serious about emulating Gillard. He has none of her qualities and lacks the insight to see it. He also lacks remorse and humility. He refuses to be held to account for his failures and the word “apology” is not in his vocabulary. The Member for Cook is leaving, but “Scotty from Marketing” is back. He has already begun marketing himself, but I doubt anyone is buying what he is selling. Graham Lum, North Rocks

I know that Scott Morrison’s final speech will be full of the usual smug self praise, references to a God made in his own image and a refusal to accept any real responsibility for terrible decisions such as robo-debt that led some people to take their own lives. It will be a reminder of the Charles Bukowski quote: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts, while the others are full of confidence”. Trump’s America is the perfect place for him. Graeme Finn, Earlwood

Scott Morrison is a bit late to the party. Australia would have been much better served if he had decided to be like Julia Gillard when he first took office, not on the eve of his retirement. Tony Judge, Woolgoolga

And so on and so forth, but the bro was in full stride, doing his Marc Antony impression ... and naturally the bro's war with China (preferably by Xmas) made it to the top of his list ...

Yes, AUKUS was and is great, and it's certainly not SloMo's fault if the grand vision eventually grates to a halt ... you see, Xians must stick together, especially as these days the mango Mussolini isn't the sort of man who mistakes his wife for a hat, he's now "mercurial" ...though perhaps not in the literary sense of a mercurial mind, intelligent, enthusiastic and quick, more "mercurial" in the English weather or Lee Anderson way ...

Ah, the bible references ... the pond will get on to those in due course, but first a farewell from Rowe ...

And now to the moment nobody has been waiting for. The epic Everest climb with "Ned's" nattering about the liar from the Shire ...

Speaking of those biblical references, an esteemed correspondent pointed the pond in the right direction ...

The carping Karp in the Graudian scribbling ...Morrison says faith gives him ability to be honest on his failings – he just doesn’t have any 

Scott Morrison has been an infrequent contributor to parliamentary debates since he took up a place on the backbench.

Sitting in a corner hidden away from question time TV cameras next to his factional ally Alex Hawke, Australia’s 30th prime minister generally only rises to speak on weighty matters like the death of Queen Elizabeth II or a motion on Israel.

Morrison’s two most significant speeches have been truculent defences of his legacy: a 24-minute denunciation of the “politics of retribution” when parliament censured him for his multiple ministries; and 15 minutes for a statement on indulgence accusing Labor of a “political lynching” over the findings of the robodebt royal commission.

But as he rose on Tuesday to give his last speech, Morrison was calmer and more gracious, “released from any bitterness”, which he said was “due to [his] faith in Jesus Christ”.

Morrison said it was “not an opportunity to run through a bullet point list” of achievements, but still managed to touch on Aukus, Australia’s triple AAA credit rating, support for Ukraine, lives saved in the pandemic and even a reduction in suicides, which he said was “nothing short of an answer to prayer”.

There was a long list of thank yous, with folksy nicknames for all: “Big Mac” McCormack, “Benny” Morton and “Scotty” Briggs. Morrison’s voice cracked as he thanked police officers “terribly injured” in a car crash in Tasmania while in the line of duty protecting him.

Morrison acknowledged one of his chief persecutors in Bill Shorten, allowing himself a moment of pride by noting “I’ve had my wins and my losses”, a reference to his “miracle” election victory over Shorten in 2019.

In office, Morrison leaned into his daggy suburban dad persona, with references to his rugby league team the Cronulla Sharks far more frequent than his faith.

Scomo was on show again on Tuesday, as Morrison fulfilled a request from his daughters Abbey and Lily to pepper his speech with Taylor Swift references.

Apparently there were 12 in all - someone took the trouble to count them...but before brooding about the bible and being good to people in a robodebt way being a wonderful legacy to leave behind, a short return to "Ned"...

...and that brings the pond's problem with the carping Karp into focus ... he was a bible tease ...

Morrison touched on the rise of “strategic competition” with China, which will stand him in good stead as he takes on new challenges in the corporate sector, mainly related to defence, and extends his stint on the international speaker circuit.

He thanked his family, without who he said he would “never have known God and my saviour Jesus Christ”, tearing up at the “emotional stuff” and reflecting that Australians are “not used to seeing that side of me”.

Morrison’s next step after he exits parliament will be spruiking his new book Plans for Your Good: a prime minister’s testimony of God’s faithfulness.

The little glimmers of evangelical Morrison in office when he invited reporters in to his church or said he had been called to do God’s work are now replaced by the high beams, blasting God’s light into the dark corners of Australia’s secular life and the lucrative US market, where they care not at all for another auspol memoir and quite a bit about God’s plan.

There were American inflections in Morrison’s speech: his standard acknowledgment of the defence force (the “providers of our freedom”), his reference to his constituents as “patriots”, and echoes of John F Kennedy in his claim his community thinks of “not what it is owed” to it but “what it can contribute”.

Morrison claimed that the “respect for individual human dignity”, representative democracy and “even market-based capitalism” were derived from Judaeo-Christian theology.

That these are “unique” Judaeo-Christian principles would be news to secular thinkers of the Enlightenment or citizens of ancient Athens, I’m sure.

“We should be careful about diminishing the influence and voice of Judaeo-Christian faith in our western society as doing risks our society drifting into a valueless voice,” he said.

“In that world, there is nothing to stand on, there is nothing to hold on to.”

Morrison addressed “those who perhaps may feel uncomfortable with my Christian references and scripture references”, telling them “I can’t apologise for that”.

He explained through scripture – deliciously, through an apparent misreferenced section – that he is “not ashamed” of his faith.

In reply, Anthony Albanese said he didn’t “doubt that everyone” in Morrison’s government “had good intentions”.

“Not everything was perfect [but] today’s not a day to dwell on that.”

It’s a good thing it wasn’t.

Aside from one passing reference by Morrison to the fact his faith gives him the ability “to both forgive but also to be honest about my own failings and shortcomings” one could easily come away from the hagiography with the conclusion that in Morrison’s view he had no shortcomings at all.

"an apparent misreferenced section"?

Details please. The pond had to head off to a fundie site to get the actual references, though they too let it pass ...

“During my time as prime minister, the power and necessity of forgiveness was demonstrated to me most profoundly by the families whose children were taken from them, and they found the strength to forgive. To those who may feel uncomfortable with my Christian references and Scripture references here or at other times, I can’t apologise for that, because of what it says in Romans 1:16: For I am not ashamed of the Gospel. It is in the power of those who believe and in Timothy 1:17: I am not ashamed. I am convinced he is able to entrust what I have given to him until that day.”

“In that vein, let me give you one last Scripture, in this place it is an encouragement to all who continue to serve: Thessalonians 2:16: Now may I Lord Jesus Christ Himself and our Lord and Father, whose love has given us eternal comfort and good hope by grace, comfort and strengthen your hearts in every good work and deed.”

Ah, there you go. In the pond's version of the KJV, Timothy 1:17 reads ...

Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

According to the pond's bible, SloMo's quote comes in 2 Timothy 1:12.

A humbug and a fraud to the bitter end ...

At this point, the reptiles began to interrupt "Ned" with snaps, here compiled into a bundle ...

Then it was on with another dose of "Ned" ...

At this point in the "Ned" sermon, the pond must turn to that other place, and Tony Wright righting a few wrongs with Scotty from Sunday school lays it on thick in final sermon ...

...“Scotty from Marketing” has long been the naughty, perfect label attached to this political chameleon.

Scott Morrison on Tuesday declared he would depart “released from any bitterness that can so often haunt post-political lives”.

He was the daggy dad here, the loyal defender of a cornered prime minister there (until hours later, he wasn’t), the punisher of refugees and welfare recipients, the triumphant believer in miracles, the secret minister for everything …

We could, thus, have guessed there would be a fresh persona as we prepared to hear the vanquished prime minister deliver his last words as a parliamentarian on Tuesday.

And sure enough, there he was, transformed again for the closing minutes of his valedictory.

After he’d effusively and sometimes tearfully thanked everyone who’d enabled his career, as is traditional, and tried a little musical comedy by tortuously inserting Taylor Swift song titles into his address, here came Scotty from Sunday school delivering a preacher’s sermon to the Australian parliament.

We had long been introduced to the Pentecostalist nature of Morrison.

He once confessed that during his political outings, he secretly practised the laying on of hands on unsuspecting punters. However, it’s hard to forget his spectacular fail when trying to reach out to bushfire victims in the scorched town of Cobargo after flying in from Hawaii those unfortunate years ago.

But even Scotty seemed to become aware he’d been laying on the preaching a bit thick as he neared the end of his farewell.

He had, after all, declared he would depart parliament “released from any bitterness that can so often haunt post-political lives”, thanks to his “faith in Jesus Christ, which gives me the faith to both forgive but also to be honest about my own failings and shortcomings”.

He neglected to mention any of those actual failings.

Actually "Ned" was a bit short on the failings too ...

It turns out that Tony hadn't checked his Timothy but he was on to the pious fraud ...

...And he’d gone on quite a bit about the “unique Judaeo-Christian values” that were “the very basis for our modern understanding of human rights”, and he’d warned against “diminishing the influence and the voice of Judaeo-Christian faith in our Western society, as doing so risks our society drifting into a valueless void”.

“In that world, there is nothing to stand on,” he lectured.

“There is nothing to hold on to. And the authoritarians and autocrats win.”

Authoritarians and autocrats?

Were those distant, disbelieving sobs from victims of robo-debt, that most authoritarian of policies delivered by none other than Scott Morrison, the scheme that a royal commissioner found was a denial of human rights to the most vulnerable?

If so, Morrison appeared not to hear – a talent clearly perfected early in his career – though he pulled himself up a bit to ask for the understanding of those who might find themselves bemused by his frequent references to his religious faith.

Almost in the same breath, he found no less than three quotations from the Bible to justify his position, two of which – from Romans and Timothy – began with the declaration that “I am not ashamed”. Quite.

Lamentably, Morrison didn’t repeat his stated desire to become a post-PM version of Julia Gillard by keeping out of the political debate as a private citizen.

His predecessors, Tony Abbott and Malcolm Turnbull, promised something similar before merrily undermining their successors at every opportunity.

Morrison, of course, can rely on his faith to leave behind any of the sort of bitterness that haunts others. Could we have seen the last of his endless public personas?

If so, his colleagues might have shouted a last happy amen, for how many more episodes of Nemesis could the Liberal Party bear?

How much humbug and biblical misquotation could anyone bear, not to mention the assorted personalities paraded for our pleasure ...

It turns out that "Ned" could bear quite a lot, but luckily this was the final gobbet, hinting that even "Ned", when confronted with a serve of fairy floss, might be forced to cut the political obituary short ...

Nah, not really. He'll still be Scotty from marketing,  the liar from the Shire, the fraudulent peddler of robodebt, the misquoter of the bible, the hanger-on with the cult Hillsong mob, the wannabe Julia, not to mention the shamelessness of that delusional aspiration, a capper on all the other delusions he offered to the world, and what a pleasure it will be not to have to think about him again ...