In which the bromancer offers thirst-quenching tears, the dog botherer a bitter ale, and nattering "Ned" is daunted, as anyone would be confronted by this amount of reptile verbiage ...

 

 

The pond is sometimes made aware by correspondents that envious reptiles are keen to steal the pond's attention away from the lizard Oz, and that only the other day the AFR reptiles made a bold move ...

 

 

Nah ...

But how did they get there?

 

Premiers' power must give way to positive change, and what's more you want the pond to give away its precious bodily fluid, its code, to find out more?

 

 

Nah ...

Forget it AFR, sorry Gladys, the pond only has eyes for the reptiles and this day, the bromancer was in a fit of manic depression, and nothing delights the pond more than drinking the tears of a sobbing bromancer ...

Yes, it's the beginning of an epic crying fit, part of a trinity of epic fits with which to kick off the weekend. Sure the bromancer has said it all before, but the pond loves it when he takes to brooding about exquisite and bitter ironies. 

Oh sup the bitter tears, better than the best bitter pale ale Pommie brew, especially if you're on the wagon like the pond ...

"Anderson wants"!? 

Is this some form of new weird bromancer game? Never mind, it's fun to play, because you can play "Anderson wants" until the cows come home, and Anderson will still be wanting ...

Good old jumbo Jimbo, though sad to say, rather like Anderson wanting, the pond will be long gone before Jimbo gets an answer to his question, or Adelaide gets nuked ...

But the pond isn't being serious. The bromancer has long scheduled the war on China to happen by next Xmas, and now he finds he's seriously short of kit ...

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, must the reptiles taunt the bromancer and his panel of experts working out the shape of a camel by putting a snap of a Collins-class sub into the piece? Talk about rubbing salt into the wound, or extra salt into the bromancer's tears ...

Oh dear, the tale of woe gets longer than the mouse's tail in Alice, but the bromancer has saved his finest form of analysis for late in the piece ...

Nuts! It's the bromancer's favourite term of abuse. His nuts go tremendously well with bitter British beer, though the pond recommends Carlton zero as an alternative ... as we sup on the last, albeit short order, serve of bromancer tears ...

 

Ah well, never mind, we'll just fight the war with China by deploying the lizard Oz reptiles to the front line, somewhere north of Cairns ...

And now, because the going is going to get extremely tough, please waiter, a refreshing Rowe before proceeding, with more refreshments here ...

 

 

 

 

You see bromancer? The country is in the best of hands, and now to sup on the bitter tears of the dog botherer ... and lordy lordy is he unhappy ... and does he go on about it at length ...

 

Um, actually, is it wrong to note that this country can't be trusted, and quite a few have noted it of late?

 Of course there's the perfidious French, but then there's the climate science denialism, of which the dog botherer has been a keen exponent ... and not even proposing that the mango Mussolini is in the same P. T. Barnum circus tent can erase the dog botherer's ability to create distrust. Would anybody want to buy a used ute from this bitter old hack? Let alone trust him to push for action on climate science?

It's always me, me, me and my with the dog botherer ... and sure enough we have to wander down memory lane to the days when he made a doc...

 

 

Uh huh ... and when the dog botherer intervenes - a poor choice of word because it evokes memories of utegate and his work with Lord Downer fucking Iraq - you don't know whether to laugh or to cry now that he's been demoted to News Corp, but still manages to spread his poison ...

And so to the next gobbet, and perhaps realising just how thin the dog botherer's material was this week - personal spleen dressed up as analysis - the reptiles felt the need to stick in a couple of snaps, though for some perverse reason, they failed to include the onion muncher ...

 

 

You know there's something particularly pathetic and sordid about the dog botherer proposing that former chairman Rudd and Malware might not have close friends or family. The pond has little time for either of them, but that's just pure, pitiful spite and makes the pond wonder if the dog botherer is doing a little projection about his own close friends and family ...

 

 

 

It's an old joke, an old wander down memory lane, but like the dog botherer, the pond never gets tired of the fun (and the Junkee piece still survives here).

Not to worry, enough of the projection and quickly through the last two gobbets because the pond still has its challenging Everest to climb ...

 

 

 

Yes, because climate science is just a hoax, oh we know, we know ... and yet when speaking of the unhinged, how unhinged is the dog botherer about Twitter - which he left because of his constant folly - and the ABC, which has a grasp on reality, and if occasionally distant, not so distant or weird as the sight of the dog botherer howling at the moon and many other things ...

 

 

Given the way the dog botherer has helped fuck political careers, it's all exceptionally rich, but the pond can't pause, because it's on to Everest, which is, as even passing readers would realise, code for climbing nattering "Ned" ... and what an epic climb it is today, so tough, such an endurance test that some might like to pause first for an infallible Pope ...

 

 

 

 

And so on with Ned, and his entirely convincing proof that endless, interminable emissions are possible ...

 

 

 

Once again, pond readers will have seen and heard it all before, though the good news is that there's not a hint of a mention of "Ned's" natter as a podcast ... so readers will have to imagine his words being rendered by his dulcet, mellifluous tones ...

 

 

A crossroads moment? What's the bet that we'll fiddle faddle while Rome burns, and "Ned" blathers, and wrings his paws in a deep fit of anxiety, and nothing happens ... because ...

 

 Oh it's a day for memories, and a few hearty chuckles and much waggishness ...

 

 

Yes, that's right "Ned", talk up the Canavan caravan, it's the proper reptile thing to do ...perhaps even a mug shot of the plucky lad as a remind of  his heroic "black coal matters"? (By golly, he's guilty of something, just look at the mug shot).

 

 

And what might be the consequences for Malware? He might lose his job as PM? Or even worse have his membership of the Liberal party snatched away? We already know he doesn't have any friends or family, thanks to the dog botherer, so there'll be no love lost there ...

What a fatuous fop this "Ned" is, and at such interminable length too, so hey nonny no, on we go ...

 

 

Credibility? Who could doubt the credibility of a man who speaks in tongues to imaginary friends, and knows the healing power of a lump of coal (not to mention the laying on of hands) ...

 

 

"Ned" and the marketing man might think you can spin on a dime, and forget all that he and News Corp have done for climate science denialism over the decades, thanks perhaps to a men in black zapping, but some have longer memories than a reptile gnat ... 

Never mind, at least we've reached the last gobbet, with nothing accomplished, apart from the usual sight of "Ned" wringing his hands in an anxiety attack ...

Yes, forget the planet being fucked, it's all about SloMo facing a truly daunting challenge ... which is to say, how to pretend you give a flying fuck, when you've spent your entire political career bullshitting about climate science and now must pretend that the bullshit smells as sweet as a healed planet ...

But why was "Ned" worried about a daunted SloMo? He should have celebrated the upside that the reptiles and the coalition have been working towards for years ...