In which the pond presents a reptile feast, culminating in the Everest known as nattering "Ned" at war with China yet again...

 

 

 

 

This was the sight that confronted the pond early this Saturday morning. 

Quite a respectable lizard Oz line-up in terms of loonacy, what with a fine contribution from a sharks loving lizard Oz journo, who occasionally - the pond is reliably informed - moonlights in the job of prime minister. Forget speaking to the people, instead speak to the importance of supporting chairman Rupert's paywall. You must pay the man if you want to hear from your moonlighting PM ...

Then there were assorted reptiles at war with each other over Covid, with the dog botherer, and Gemma, dog botherer lite, doing their usual thing. The recalcitrant Gracie was also out and about.

Then there was prattling Polonius, yet again obsessed with the ABC, but that made for an easy choice. Send him off to a meditative Sunday, the quiet waters where the raving and the ranting might go unnoticed.

But there was a bigger dilemma. Looming over all this effort was the return of nattering "Ned", dealing with the war on China at exhaustive and exhausting length. 

Oh how the pond would love to duck it, but this is an Everest the pond must face, or be charged with cowardice and desertion in the face of unrelenting, monumental blather. And elsewhere on the digital front page, the MAGA hat donning IPA chairman had launched an attack on human rights ...

Oh it was a full to overflowing effort by the reptiles, yet also stale, like the bread one might toss at pigeons if you wanted to help out the rats with wings ...

The pond has already heard from the dog botherer a dozen times about how he'd like to get the killing fields to kick into gear, and yet here we go again ...

Any suggestion that the dog botherer might be referencing Richard Brinsley Sheridan's play The School for Scandal should be put firmly out of mind. That was a comedy of manners, in the Regency style, and the dog botherer is tone deaf when it comes to comedy, or come to think of it, the drinking and wenching habits of those long lost Whig days ...

Instead we get the usual ...

The pond hopes to cram in our Gracie on the matter of Victoria, the mafia man, and comrade Dan, and so must hasten on quickly ... who knows, the reptiles might help out by slipping in a snap to break up the monotony and that might help too ...

Dashing Donners? The dog botherer is quoting Donners, but where is Donners himself? Surely he shouldn't be off in the wilderness? Why must we put up with the dog botherer quoting him, when we might be given a serve of the fundamentalist tyke himself?

Never mind, must hasten quickly  ...

Oh that's incredibly reassuring. If there's going to be a spread, it will be amongst the adults. Why what joy that news brings to the pond, how reassuring ...

Sure the teachers of the spawn might go down like nine pins, and then who would teach the sprogs, but not to worry, everything is for the best ...

Sorry, sorry, the reptiles are in a prolix mood this day, must scurry on in white rabbit style ...

Damaging interruptions to schooling? But it's only the staff that might go down, what damage could that do? And so to a final gobbet of joy ...

 

As for the mental health impacts of the killing fields, as demonstrated by the lemmings of the United States following the dog botherer's suggestions? No matter, because when it comes to mental health, always look to the dog botherer as a classic example of a man in urgent need of improving his mental health ...

And that brings the pond to an interesting situation ... because the coal-loving bromancer is quite the heretic when it comes to the proud traditions of the dog botherer and Killer "bring on the killing fields, abjure the masks" Creighton ...

 

 

 

 

Oh the reptiles' graphic department is at it again. A cheap shot of our Gladys, who has decided to leave the battlefield and send out videos instead ...

 

Never mind, even if he's in the grips of reptile heresy, the bromancer is also interminable, so the pond must do its white rabbit routine, because waiting in the great beyond is the looming shadow of that Everest, the thoughts of nattering "Ned" and the war on China ... 

 

You see? This isn't quite the tone set by the dog botherer. The bromancer isn't as sure about Covid as he is about his deep love of coal and his contempt for climate wafflers ... in short, he's not entirely reassured ...

How to reconcile all this with the dog botherer's thinking? Second thoughts, why bother, why not just let the reptiles have at each other, and stand back to watch proceedings, and if you happen to catch the virus thanks to the dog botherer, just consider it collateral damage ...

Now imagine the dog botherer starting off a gobbet by quoting Satan himself ...

 

These hints of a grasp of ICU reality are truly alarming. The pond has also spent the odd bit of time in an ICU and understands the dedication and competence required. The pond also knows that, like the Dutch, the Australian emergency system has been calibrated and funded to operate according to the medical norms of the day ... the usual flow of heart attacks and such like ...so in NSW we're about to see what happens when you tilt the pinball machine .. with pinball wizard gold standard Gladys going to show us how it's done ... (by issuing a video) ...

 

Look, all this is fine and good, but the dog botherer has already declared victory, and everything must open up and the sooner the better, so can we just cut to the chase and end this Covid waffle?

Oh dear, did the bromancer just scribble that a return to school might lead to trouble, and that declarations of the virus being defeated are foolish, and Delta might come roaring back? It seems entirely out of keeping with the lizard Oz message ... and so to a final gobbet of heresy ...

And now, having acquired a taste for heresy, the pond could see no harm in slipping in a little of our Gracie ...

After all, the dog botherer had raised the question of comrade Dan, and there is a new mafia associate doing the opposition rounds - new in the sense of the old given a refurbishing, like the retreads the pond used to drop on to the HK and wonder why they started to fray after a few k's ...

Now the pond could have gone with Gemma, but Gemma is just dog botherer lite, and our Gracie is Melbourne proud, and can even feature a snap of comrade Dan without fainting ...

Oh look there's a snap of the man who likes to do a lobster with the mobsters ... but do go on Gracie, guy us up with some advice for Guy ...

Uh huh, now perhaps a burst of "sick of it." You know, the feeling the pond gets every time it looks at the lizard Oz. Sick of it, over it ...

Yes bugger off mutton Dutton, toad in extremis, stick to waging war with China ... enough with the bullying, berating, badgering and humiliation, try shoving it to emperor Xi instead, and see how you go ...

What a fine serve of Victorian heresy. Something happened to our Gracie along the way, and the pond waits each column for news that she'll do a savvy Savva ...

But now the pond has delayed long enough. Sorry dog botherer lite Gemma, but it's time for the Everest challenge ...

 

Now from the get go, the pond must make clear it has absolutely no interest in what nattering "Ned" has to say on the war on China, and no interest in commenting on it.

The pond only presents "Ned" as a public service, since there are some who have trouble sleeping.

If the pond wants the best advice on the war on China, it turns to the bromancer, ever ready to get rid of the waffle and send a few drones over the horizon to give emperor Xi a hurry up.

The bromancer is the Lance Corporal Jones of the reptiles, always ready to come out with a "they don't like it up 'em" ....

Oh yes the cold steel of the bromancer is what is needed, instead of "Ned's" waffle, yet here we are, and at endless length too ...

Of course the pond should have noted the revitalised graphics department, a sudden wild flurry of expenditure at the top of the page, yet strangely familiar, like all the "Ned" waffle ...

 

Why it's the same old 'roo and dragon riff. Perhaps this is a way to make it to the bitter end ...

Indeed, indeed, and the news that Josh is banning the shipping of iron ore to China is great news, and certainly at one with his China plus strategy, and will have the bonus of teaching those secessionists in the west that their record surplus is but a fever dream ...

Here, have a panda moment ...

Always with the 'roo, and he's copping what mask-hating women do in the good old USA, but at least it's a break before copping more of "Ned" ...

Oh come now, Mr Keating, such alarmism ... here, have a free dragon ...

How can we have a cold war if we're enjoying the fiery breath of the dragon?

Ah yes, the mutton Dutton. What a clever diplomat he is, and with a bit of luck, we might yet discover what it's like to have an upgraded alliance and experience its splendours, Afghanistan style ...

Here, have another panda ...

The pond realised that by inserting all these graphics it was just adding to the "Ned" bloat. Best to press on ...

At this point, the pond should note that throughout "Ned's" piece it saw no sign of "Ned's" famous podcast, wherein "Ned" reads the lengthy thoughts of "Ned" to delighted readers ... guaranteed to help, though perhaps a little dearer than a serve of Doxepin.

The tragedy that there is no "Ned" on "Ned" action visible, or at least audible, as "Ned" covers the 'Dutton on Xi' action, will be apparent to all ...

So now the solution to the war on China is to get the Indonesians involved, to take up the slack? Good luck with that, though it perhaps also explains why at last "Ned" has run out of steam, the war on China has yet again ground to a halt, and there's just one gobbet to go ...

Made it! The pond will now pause to pin a medal on the one reader who managed to make it to the end of this reptile feast.

Or at least the pond will pin a Rowe, with more pinnable Rowe to be found here, as he celebrates the reptile way, and reptile triumphs ... (click on it for enlarged, enhanced pleasure)