In which the pond over-indulges in an excess of Monday reptile favourites ...

 

 

 

 

A big day for the reptiles ... defending the indefensible is their mission statement, and this day, after Polonius's heroic work on the weekend, it took the form of taking Clive Palmer's money and putting a massive dummy spit from Xian Porter at the top of the tree killer edition ...

In case anyone is wondering what mob rule looks like, it can be found here ...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or not, depending on your sense of entitlement and your love of secret identities, super hero style, whatever the case ... 

Meanwhile at the top of the "filling the full to overflowing intertubes with monstrous stupidity" edition, things got even weirder ...

 

 

 

Yes, moronic Sharri spending quality time with the mango Mussolini was front and centre - MAGA lives in reptile la la land, down with Herr Fauci, sup on the mango - but just below the bromancer was an EXCLUSIVE which suggested why the perfidious French were the target for reptile wrath this day ...

Naturally the pond started its reptile reading for the day with the bromancer's response ...

Indeed, indeed, a farce told by idiots, and is there any better idiot to tell it than the bromancer?

Indeed, indeed, which is just the sort of explanation a husband might find handy while indulging in furtive flings and casual fucks ... honey, you should have read the fine print ...

Ah, the perfidious French ... but the bromancer has the perfect answer ... sucks boo to you ...

Well it was to be a tale told by an idiot, and is there a better idiot than the bromancer? And at this point the pond should note that the reptiles decided to sign off on the bromancer's piece by inserting a click bait video, and the pond knew how to keep the record straight and deal with that impudence sensibly ...

 

And so to a small complaint. You see on Monday the pond has its regular, reliable favourites ... and yet when it looked early in the morning, what did it see?

 

Yes, there was the Major - more of him anon - and Kim was helping out with the Chairman's paywall - and Fergo a tad gloomy, and even simplistic Simon a little nervous, but the bouffant one upbeat and defiant about the perfidious French and the rest of the yella belly EU, but where was the Caterist?

Not to worry, the pond searched him out, because the Caterist had already declared war, and we were in a state of war, and it was wartime now ...

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, a wartime leader, because we're at war. Who knew, though it did make the pond wonder yet again what would happen if the reptiles actually caught the bus, and we were suddenly at war with China, and the first sub due in 2040, and in your dreams, the pond will be long dead and gone before that sub future comes to pass ... and yet we might still catch the other bus ...

In the meantime, the pond has to satisfy its desire for endless reptile masturbation with a bit of Caterist armchair warrioring ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it's the fault of the ABC, it's always the fault of the ABC, and of course the ABC persuaded the Caterist to run with an N-word joke, because the Caterist himself, sensitive possum, would understand that perhaps N-word jokes aren't particularly funny ... though the pond hears he tells a splendid Holocaust joke, which always starts off "overcoming Australia's peculiar aversion to the H-word ..."

Never mind, at this point the reptiles' graphics department finally redeemed themselves with a truly rich illustration ...

And with that weird and wonderful tale of nuking the country done - does anyone remember poor "Ned's" weekend words? ...

 

... the pond can move on to the Caterist's closing gobbet, and what do you know the lad opens it with mention of a Compass poll.

Is there anything a Compass poll can't do? Why if the pond should happen to break down in the outback, forget the stocking and the barbed wire, just give it a Compass poll and all would be well ...

Ah yes, chances are the reptiles will catch the bus, and then the pond's strategy - send News Corp to Cape York to mount a guerilla operation before retreating to the Brisbane line - will turn out to be the way to go ...

And so to the pond's other favourite treat on a Monday, a little binge on the Oreo ...

 

 

The good thing about the Oreo is that it's just a couple of gobbet gulps and it's done, and it should almost go without saying that the reformed, recovering feminist has no time for a serve of perfidious cheese-eating, red wine gulping French nonsense ... she's a stars and stripes kind a gal ...

 

 

 

The Oreo knows how to sing from the reptile song sheet, as reformed, recovering feminists are wont to do ...

 

Indeed, indeed, and the best way forward and really teach Xi a lesson is to piss off the arrogant, perfidious French and join with little England, and jolly Joe ... though the pond did wake up to a story about jolly Joe, and had to remind itself of what had happened way back when with this NY Times 2009 story about events the previous February  ...

KABUL, Afghanistan — A foretaste of what would be in store for President Hamid Karzai after the election of a new American administration came last February, when Joseph R. Biden Jr., then a senator, sat down to a formal dinner at the palace during a visit here.
Between platters of lamb and rice, Mr. Biden and two other American senators questioned Mr. Karzai about corruption in his government, which, by many estimates, is among the worst in the world. Mr. Karzai assured Mr. Biden and the other senators that there was no corruption at all and that, in any case, it was not his fault.
The senators gaped in astonishment. After 45 minutes, Mr. Biden threw down his napkin and stood up.
“This dinner is over,” Mr. Biden announced, according to one of the people in the room at the time. And the three senators walked out, long before the appointed time. (NY Times)

Of course in his retelling of the story, Karzai claims he dared to mention the role of Pakistan in promoting the Taliban, with US cognizance, and the US military stomping about slaughtering civilians in plain sight... and now, here we are ...

 

 

... but no doubt the reformed, recovering feminist is pleased with the results of positive globalism, and all that remains is for her to stay home and shut the fuck up ... as befits a tedious woman ...

 

 

Uh huh, and when the reptiles do succeed in catching the bus, it's the pond's most fervent wish that the reformed, recovering feminist head to Cape York to bunker down in the News Corp front line ...

And now, the pond realises it's gone way overlength, but would it be a Monday without the Major?

 

What excuse can the pond offer for indulging the Major? Well it's always amazing to see reptiles clamber over each other in their desire to get up themselves, up each other, and up gold standard Gladys ... and besides, it creates a little more room so that the pond might fondly remember a Killer Creighton contribution noted by a pond correspondent ...

First on with the Major's standard eruption of reptile onanism with a mighty smoting and smiting...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it's all the fault of the usual enemies, the cardigan wearers, the Nine tabloids, the Graudian, and even that rat in the ranks, news.com.au, but the way to salvation is for the Major to celebrate petulant Peta ... because is there a more splendid sight than reptiles scurrying up assorted drainpipes?

 

Indeed, indeed, and talking of outlandish predictions of failure, were the reptiles showing a cheeky sense of irony this day with this outlandish juxtaposition?

 

Oh such gloom, Fergo, buckle up ...

But back to the Major, taking reptile laziness to epic levels by shamelessly recycling petulant Peta ...

And so to talk of testing, which allows the pond to slip in that wondrous Killer Creighton tweet ...

 

Yes, he's not just afraid of masks, he's afraid of testing ...

But back to the Major talking of testing ... don't get agitated about actual case numbers and deaths and such like, think of a way to get up Killer's nose with testing talk ...

 

Indeed, indeed, and the pond will spare the Major frontline duties on Cape York,  because they also serve who act as health care workers, and the Major's offer to get off his lazy, petulant Peta recycling fat arse and become a front line health care worker in the coming difficult months is much appreciated by the pond ...

And speaking of the front line, what better way to celebrate than with a Rowe, hailing beefy Angus's battlefield promotion, on the basis that singular incompetence calls for a singular promotion ...

Standing by suh, ready for corrupt duty, suh, and more data on Clover will be shortly to hand, suh ...

 

So that's what happens when the reptiles catch the bus, or the sub, or whatever ...