In which the pond offers the usual tedium of the Major and the Caterist at the front, but holds the bromancer in reserve for a devastating thrust on the flanks ...

 

 

Now that the pond has switched to official reptile winter time, postings from the bunker might come a tad later in the day ... but surely any delay only increases the appetite for a whiff of reptile. 

There might also be the odd meander down side roads, as a distraction from the tedium of the bog standard reptile offerings ...

Like the correspondent who offered up this tweet ...

 

 

 

 

Surely not the pond thought - after all it was Seth Rogen, a noted humourist who has caused the pond to laugh zero times - and yet sure enough ... (it can be googled, the pond just doesn't think it worth a link)

 

 

 

The pond left in a tad of that photo just to confirm the link, but the pond did have to take Seth to task with his talk of "literally defending", because it was more moving empathy, a heartwarming care for troops bravely defending their lebensraum and important duties such as the Holocaust. Who wouldn't shed a tear of compassion as the hideous invading horde swarmed over them, and they ever so bravely fought back, though - shed a tear please - it all proved futile in the end, and they fall to a stout-hearted Nazi Adolf-loving man?

And so to today's reptile droppings, and as usual, being deeply conservative and traditional, the pond decided to start with the Major ...

 

Of course the failed former editor is an expert on science, and especially climate science, and his expert views have always astonished pond readers each Monday with their tremendous insights and understandings ...

Indeed, indeed, but Finkel has long had form on this matter, and has his own set of delusions about an electric planet, while others take a different view, as can be read in full here ... (may be paywall affected) ...

 

 

But why pay attention to the founding chairman of the Australian Energy Market Operator when you have the Major to hand?

 

At this point the pond was reminded of a reader note about Lloydie of the Oz and the Amazon, and his track record over the years, to be found in full here ...

...They produced arguments – we heard them all. The top ten went something like this:

Any warming is perfectly natural – it has happened before.
It’s caused by the sun .
Warming isn’t actually happening – it has stopped since 1998.
Warming isn’t happening – world and national meteorological bodies are manipulating the data.
It’s not a big deal – coral bleaching on the reef has been hugely exaggerated.
Severe weather events aren’t increasing – we have had big fires/floods before.
Climate models can’t be trusted.
Economic models can be trusted and they show huge costs – wind and solar power are unreliable and infrasound from wind farms causes severe health problems.
Antarctic ice coverage has increased offsetting any decline in Arctic ice.
Climate change is real – but it’s less important than poverty or nuclear risks, resources shouldn’t be diverted to dealing with it – only no regrets policies are worthwhile.

At various times over the last decade or more Graham Lloyd has highlighted each of these claims – moving on as facts contradict them...

The Major himself has done his very own Lloydie over the years ... see if you can spot at least one Lloydie in the next gobbet ...

 

Indeed, indeed, why not  pork barrel an entirely useless gas generator instead? ... though frankly if the pork takes out Joel, it might be a good thing, because he's as useful in relation to climate science and its implications as the Major ...

And so to the Caterist ....

 

 

The pond only does this because it is deeply traditional and conservative. Being a bear of very little brain, the Caterist will simply repeat the thoughts of others and offer no actual evidence, so there's nothing to be gained in the read.

And yet there is a a post-modern, post-ironic delight to be found in the Caterist beginning by blathering about experts with egg on face, since the Caterist fancied himself as an expert on the movement of flood waters in quarries and managed to end up with an entire serve of scrambled egg on his face ...

 

Uh huh, but what actual evidence does the Caterist have? Have the Chinese spilled the beans? Has the CIA led with incontrovertible proof? Nope, it is as it was in the beginning, a speculation best suited to the fringe enthusiasm of a Steve Bannon and a Sharri ... with the pond still remembering how it choked on its breakfast muesli at the notion of Sharri being "revered" ...

 

You see the rich irony of the floodwater man in the matter? See the joy in reading him deplore single-minded zeal, and get agitated about "the certainty with which they rule out other possible explanations"?

Only a loon completely bereft of memory regarding his own doings could let out such amazing guff without a sense of his own wondrous floodwater folly... and yet on and on he goings, forgetting the floodwaters, talking of the embarrassing performance of experts ...

 

Indeed, indeed, the pond understands that it was a form of voodoo that helped the Caterist with his epic, and terribly expensive study of the movement of floodwaters in quarries. But all good ironies and human comedies must come to an end, without even mentioning Ferguson's own rich set of delusions and follies ...

 

Oh yes, we can but hope that the Donald and the GOP return to run the United States, what a result that will be ... and speaking of the United States, and in the absence of the Oreo this day, at least on the front digital page in the morning, the pond has a held-over bromancer it feels compelled to run ...

 

 

 

 

 

It's up there with "Ned", an epic read, and all the more remarkable because, even before a shot has been fired, the bromancer dons a white feather and runs up a white flag ...

 

 

Defeatism! Right from the get go, the bromancer gives up ... a white ant in the lizard Oz woodwork when it comes to the war on China. The pond realised that its life celebrating Dr Strangelove had been wasted ... because surely a few nukes dropped on Beijing would sort out the dictator, and with any luck, the entire planet ...

And don't let that short opener fool the casual, stray reader. That was a punctuation mark designed to cut out a frenzy of reptile links on the impending war with China; what follows is a truly epic read ...

 

Now as the bromancer spends a lot of time channeling Mastro, as if the pair had stumbled into a Conan Doyle spiritualist session together, the pond must acknowledge that the reptiles used photos to interrupt the grim tale, but the pond has decided to downsize them ...

Nothing should stand in the way of the doom-laden text ...

 

But what about the stunning success of the lizard Oz's campaign in relation to Hong Kong in the war on China? Surely the embargo on iron ore exports showed how the brave Murdochian warriors could stand shoulder to shoulder with a democracy movement ... just look at how Hong Kong has been liberated.

As for Taiwan, everyone stands shoulder to shoulder in the style of a John Cena, as observed by Colbert not so long ago ...

Hello China, this is John Cena. I wrongly said Taiwan is a country. Wrongly! Wrongly! Wrongly! Not only is Taiwan not a country, it’s also not even a real place. It’s like ‘Zootopia,’ which coincidentally made $220 million in China. And don’t get me started on Tibet! Always complaining, complaining, complaining about China. I will give Tibet something to complain about.

And so to another snap ...

Visual introduction over, it's back to Mastro inviting the bromancer to run up the white flag ...

 

At this point in the doomsaying, the reptiles inserted a snap of a senile old codger just ripe for the fall ...

Then it was back to the doom and the gloom ...

 

Please, stand back, allow the bromancer to make it clear. Mastro didn't mention the commie plot to put fluoride in the water, but she did say Taiwan would fall in a week, and of course Joe Biden is bluffing, and Taiwan is doomed, and so is the world, and so is Australia, and soon enough we'll all be eating a small portion of fried rice once a week and be grateful for it ...

And so to a dose of pure, distilled essence of paranoia, with poor Uncle Sam standing alone in a mean world, with not even Australia prepared to join in world war three, and certainly not the devious Japanese ...

Of course it's terrifying. The bromancer spends his days in a state of undiluted terror. He makes "Ned" seem vaguely rational ... but fortunately the terror has only a gobbet to go ...

 

If they've made it through all that bromancer carry-on, Chicken Little on steroids, white flags here, white feathers there, pond readers might have noted not a single mention of what Madeleine Albright might have screamed at Colin Powel "What's the point of having these superb nukes you're always talking about if we can't use them?" ...

War gaming has really dropped down a notch or two from the days of MAD and Vera Lynn, and hoping to meet again some day ... oh for the days of the Cuban missile crisis, and an amphetamine-crunching Bob Ellis heading for the Blue Mountains. The bromancer might have something to learn from all that.

And now pond readers might like to pay serious attention to the lighter side of life, courtesy of David Rowe, with more Rowe here ... and with this sort of fearless leader in military gear, how could we possibly entertain any saucy doubts or fears?