in which the bromancer gets the pond on a Monday go go with an exit there and a Brexit there ...

The pond had to hold over a number of items from a weekend full of glorious reptiliana …not least this tasteless, insensitive form of social media advertising, using "cancer" as a ploy to induce paranoid hypochondriacs to take an interest in the bromancer …

Yes, things are that desperate at the lizard Oz and at the pond too, because perforce the pond must deal with what the reptiles make available outside the paywall - even if it still hasn't got around to Henry "hole in the bucket" Ergas's dissertation on Karl Marx …

The bromancer has been on an epic junket around the UK, and the news has been unfailingly good. Everything is for the best in the best possible Brexit world, and the pond is relieved that no one will be sending the bromancer to the corn patch, at least in the medium term …

Buckle up for a huge dose of bulldog cheeriness …

Uh huh. In the age-old war of Poms v Frogs, it seems the Frogs are once again completely useless and hopeless, as the Donald himself observed not so long ago … though strangely the bromancer doesn't seem to have caught up with the epidemic of knife fights that are ruining Britain and turning vast swathes into no go areas of rampant lawlessness, while the hospitals are charnel houses running red with blood …

Sorry, for a minute there, the pond started channelling the Donald …please, cue a picture of France in flames, and bromancer outrage at those devious, wretched European bureaucrats … and please, two cheers at least for Brexit ...

It turns out that no matter their political stripe, British politicians are sharp. There's sharp Bob and there's sharp Tom …and then there are the treasonous, white anting infidels who refuse to see the glorious upside in Brexit ...

Indeed, indeed, and Rowson conjured up those naughty fairies in relation to another matter (with more Rowson here) …

But back to the bromancer, though as the pond reads on, a familiar feeling came over it, the same as it drives through a small country town in the middle of nowhere and wonders how everybody in it makes a living.

Just how is Brexit going to fix the problems of the people in the north who voted for it? There have already been indications that London and the south are in a bit of a panic and a pickle, what with some finance likely to leave for Europe …

So how is a plucky little island going to deal with exiting one of the largest markets in the world, and go toe to toe with economic movers and shakers of the Chinese kind?

The pond just knew the bromancer would have a solution …and everything would be hunky dory …and nothing the fanatics on the other side could change this profound fact … and the challenge for the reader is to discover in the next few gobbets the business plan which will see unemployment in the north as a distant, fading nightmare …

This might take some doing, but the sharp and the keen will manage ...

Phew, what a relief, a genuine upside, a united Ireland, still in the EU, and nothing to do with Britain.

No doubt the British will be relieved to see the end of the difficult Irish and the difficult border, and a reduced Britain will be a glorious, completely enhanced Britain with a booming economy in the north ...

That's the spirit. By golly the pond is going to positively leap into the week at the thought of a profoundly optimistic bromancer. Britain will be whole and sovereign again, rid of the useless Irish, and able to quell the difficult Scots … and teach those perfidious French and the devious Germans a thing or two …

Oh it'll be world war two all over again, in a trade sort of way, and Britain will show the world what's what …and the matter of all the chiff chaffs will finally be sorted … with a sampling of Bell to explain the problem of the birds, and with more Bell here …