Piers 'Akker Dakker' Akerman, Penbo, and natural selection at work in the Daily Terror ...

(Above: as handsome a rogues' gallery as you could wish for, at least if you were casting Pirate of the Caribbean VII. Screen cap, links below).

Just as linking the workings of plate tectonics to climate change shows supreme indifference to the scientific theories involved, it takes an infinite capacity for grubbiness to immediately link the earthquake in Japan to the myriad failures of the Gillard government.

But there you go, when you want infinite grubbiness, you know who to call, and it is of course Piers 'Akker Dakker' Akerman, the fat owl of the remove, spewing, and ranting and foaming and biling away in the Terror with Gillard drops the ball.

Not sure of the Bunter reference? Here you go, just remove the specs for a fair comparison, and by the way you can find all the stories of Bunter you could want here.

Sorry. Confronted by overwhelming tedium and ennui, we always digress.

Back to Akker Dakker, and the logic inherent in his piece, which reaches a kind of comical nadir or peak, depending on your point of view, in the comments section:

Piers, ‘Judy from the ridge of Lightning Ridge’ wrote a very interesting comment on AB’s blog today “ What is it with Gillard. Since she has been in power we have had Fires , Floods,,, she goes to NZ and they have the worst ever eathquake. She goes to America now they are on Tsuami alert from the earthquake in Japan. England must be a bit worried when she goes there for the royal wedding”

Yes Piers what is it with this cheap hussy who's so clearly a witch leading the world to ruin by way of natural disasters?

We're guessing that AB's blog belongs to the dolt, and ain't it grand to see the birds of a feather flocking to their homes on the pond.

Meanwhile there's nothing like dancing on the graves of people struck down by natural disaster, and so Akker Dakker dances away:

The Gillard Labor Government is going to be hit by political and economic aftershocks from the mega-quake and tsunami which devastated swathes of Japan on Friday.

Nature’s catastrophic 8.9 killer has undercut the spurious fear campaign mounted by Prime Minister Julia Gillard and her hired hand, economist Ross Garnaut, in support of the Governments nonsensical carbon tax.

The monster waves have sunk her US photo opportunity and washed her hand-balling stunt with US President Barack Obama into oblivion.

Ah well, just remember the next time someone berates a Greenie for linking earthquakes and climate change, you first read Akker Dakker linking a tsunami and an earthquake to a carbon tax and a photo opportunity.

It seems the Japanese dead have served a useful political purpose in the mind of a hammer who can only see nails. But for sheer demented tasteless political vulgarity, it seems to be on about a par with Rush Limbaugh wondering whether environmentalists will 'cheer' about the Japan earthquake (here, with audio). Yes indeed I'm sure any decent right thinking environmentalist would love to cheer the deaths of thousands ...

The rest of Akker Dakker's rant is so painfully predictable that it can only produce a painfully predictable response, which explains the routine dullness of the pond. Listening to the one note squawking can lead to night time grinding of teeth, mental exhaustion, and despair. So let's just do an adjective count:

... personal dissatisfaction, greatest increase in dissatisfaction on record, fall from grace monumentally obvious, Green puppeteer Bob Brown, inner urban Green-tainted young voters, green jobs propaganda, total farce, twisted the knife deeper, dangerous despicable Rudd acting to implement a no fly zone and help out the Libyan rebels, asking the UN to do anything about Libya exercise in futility, Gillard tone deaf, ministers totally incapable of singing from the same sheet of music, out of tune, Keneally swept from history, Gillard swept from history. Just like a tsunami sweeps across the land ...

Well we took the use of 'sweeps' in that tusnami bit that logical step further - Akker Dakker was plainly evoking it in the rhetoric, but veered away from it at the last moment, so that the sweeping might be done by a broom ... or a wave ... but otherwise it's not a bad Reader's Digest version of what even for Akker Dakker is a truly depraved and demented rave. And naturally the sheep in the echo chamber parroted all the same chapters and verses back to their puppet master, mixing their metaphors along the way ...

It must be strange to live in a world where a government led by Tony Abbott is seen as the great way forward ...

In my more perverse moments, I dream of the shrieks and howls when he pays big industry big time, using taxpayers dollars, to help out with carbon ... as he would, if only to keep the moderates happy ...

Moving right along, there's Miranda the Devine in the Terror doing a thoughtful colour piece about Pauline Hanson in Pauline Hanson without any fear or favour.

Or without any sense either, but then it seems entirely appropriate that the mindless stupidity of Hanson should find favour with the mindlessly stupid Devine.

Last we'd heard Hanson was so appalled by Australia, she was off to Britain to live, only to be shocked to discover it was full of wogs, and so has returned to Australia to stand for parliament to fight the wogs here, and it's remarkable how the media has catered to her ongoing pathetic celebrity cravings and need for attention. Cue the Devine:

NSW Premier Kristina Keneally yesterday called Hanson a "racist" and Opposition leader Barry O'Farrell said he wouldn't give her even his last preference. But where others hear criticism, Hanson smells opportunity.

Yep, it's a puff piece for a piece of puffery. Can the Devine get any lower? Why on earth do you ask?

There she is writing drivel about Prince William and bride to be Kate in The right prince. I suddenly felt a giant vacuum sucking at my brain ...

The Devine is in raptures over the zen-like calm of Kate, and appalled by Charles, but then suddenly realises she might be seen as criticising royalty, and so has to slip into reverse gear.

Charles’ soap opera personal life has overshadowed some undoubtedly admirable characteristics. His sons clearly love him, and his new book, Harmony, setting out his philosophy of sustainability, reveals him as a thinking man.

But, unlike Colin Firth in the King’s speech, who playing Charles’s grandfather, the stuttering King George VI, Charles has displayed neither true grit nor personal integrity in the face of adversity.

His elder son and his bride-to-be are a different story.

William's true grit and personal integrity in the face of adversity? The rough equivalent of facing down the Nazi hordes emanating from Germany by overcoming a stutter and German sympathisers within the family?

He flew to New Zealand and Australia to console the antipodes in their hour of need ...

Yep for mindless monarchist stupidity and drivel, you can never go past the puffery of the Devine ...

Meanwhile, it would be utterly irredeemable and completely offensive for us to wonder about the size of David Penberthy's thingie, but if you read his Terror piece Ads that give the little finger to road safety, you might at least pause for a moment ...

It seems poor old Penbo has been personally affronted by the NSW 'pinkie' advertising campaign and by women drivers, and it's all got terribly out of hand:

Last year while picking up the kids from school and day care, I was cut off by a woman who swung out in front of me, totally in the wrong, and almost took out the front of my car.

When I honked she gave me the little-finger gesture, prompting me to use what the kids like to describe as a bad word.

Friends have told of similar encounters where they have been given the little-finger treatment by other motorists who have been in the wrong and whom they had honked at not out of rage but to avoid a collision.

Whether these finger-wavers were correctly assessing our physical dimensions isn't the point here. The point is that public money is being spent on ads which have the end result of keeping people angry and edgy on the roads.

There you have it in one. Men (let's dispense with the quaint word 'people') are angry and edgy and driven mad by impudent women on the roads making astute assessments of men's physical dimensions, and it's all the fault of a government advertising campaign targeting 'P' drivers ...

Of course no one ever used the finger, middle, fore or small at all until the advertising campaign gave people the idea ... even though it's alleged by some that the highway salute, the bird, the Bronx, the flipper, etc, first found favour with ancient Greek comedians and Roman chariot drivers (the notorious digitus impudicus of Monty Python fame).

For dangerously anti-social stupidity, the NSW RTA's ads are in a league of their own.

Why do I have an immediate urge to flip the finger at Penbo?

Never mind, there's an obvious solution to all this. Put Penbo in charge of road safety campaigns:

Some deaths, while obviously tragic, can probably be callously filed away under the broad category of natural selection.

Now there's a caring, sharing attitude. Death on the roads is okay, a kind of natural selection, just don't encourage jokes about male appendages ...

Who'd be a bureaucrat, because here's how the tabloid gotcha works:

Statistics released on road crashes and deaths. Shock and horror. Government blamed. Government discovers relentless shock and fear campaigns have lost edge and don't work. Government tries something different.

Tabloid shock jocks appalled as truth about penis size revealed to world ...

Happily there are some interesting insights available on the full to overflowing intertubes about how you conduct road safety campaigns, assuming you want to reduce the carnage rather than treat it as a form of natural selection.

There's this piece in The Times of all places, before the paywall came down, Road safety advertisement that belittles the boy racers, because the British press was very intrigued at the thought of Australian penises (the UK Tele also ran a piece here), and then there's No one thinks big of you - the 'Pinkie' Campaign, which looks at the implications and effectiveness of the campaign without any dick swinging or whining or talk of natural selection ...

Alternatively, you can keep on reading the Daily and Sunday Terror. Warning: this site accepts no responsibility for any related brain damage.

And to keep the peace on Sydney roads, the pond promises not to promote its thesis that the size of a car's muffler exhaust pipe is in inverse proportion to the size of the male driver's appendage ... despite having incontrovertible scientific and mathematical proof ...

... and as final peace offering, you too can read Penbo's epic graphic picture book encounter burning up the road in The Health Minister's Car. Yep, they let stray people from Adelaide drive in Sydney (apologies to any stray reader from Adelaide), and the real problem immediately becomes clear ...

Oh dear, must stop now ... there's just way too much stuff on the intertubes ... and it's a Sunday.

But do spare a thought for the people of Japan - luckily my Tokyo-based friends survived the hammer blows - and unlike Akker Dakker, hopefully the sparing of a thought can be done without any mealy mouthed ideological or political axe to grind ...