Alan Jones, Piers Akerman,and Cardinal Pell, a truly unholy trinity well worth contemplating on a Sunday ...

(Above: Alan Jones getting ready to do a Mary Mackillop documentary for the History Channel, as explained here. We just so love the pink here at the pond, and we ever so love the fact that he ever so loves Mary Mackillop).

The next time you hear Gerard Henderson or Janet Albrechtsen or Miranda the Devine or the anonymous editorialist at The Australian rabbiting on about inner urban elites or tertiary educated elites or any of a dozen other 'leets ruining the western world, contemplate the lifestyle and menu of the parrot on view in Regrets? Maybe just a few.

There's the private butler and chef, there's the coral trout from Queensland, there's the tomatoes sourced from the Southern Highlands farm, there's the initials inscribed in cream on the soup (2GB they screech), there's the handsome apartment at the Toaster (adopted after the eerie in inner suburban Newtown was sold off), there's the egregious purple socks, there's the purple tie on pink shirt, with purple handkerchief (photo thoughtfully provided of same), there's the Mozart, or perhaps Cecilia Bartoli on the no doubt quite fine sound system (and truly her performances of Handel almost redeem Handel), and oh no, we almost forgot to mention the dessert, the flourless peach and almond pudding, before we get on to discussing the family free lifestyle, and then, what do you know, there's the parrot on air screeching Ju-liar, and guess what, now he's saying he's sorry ... in a most convoluted, irritating and unapologetic way ...

What a joke it is, what a tremendous con, what wonderful fun, as the unrepentant 'leets masquerade as the average Joe or Josephine Blow, at one with the residents of Penrith, and no con more wonderful fun than the screeching parrot pausing to say 'I think it's a terrible thing to hurt people's feelings', while listening to Cecilia Bartoli and contemplating his harbour view from his inner city squillionaire apartment ...

Meanwhile, week after week, year after year, Gerard Henderson hoes into the hapless cardigan wearers at the ABC. Oh the splendid irony and folly of it all ...

No doubt if you plumbed the depths of Piers 'Akker Dakker' Akerman's lifestyle, you'd find similar kinds of explanations for plumpness as he furiously scribbles Enough Already, Julia for the umpteenth time.

But the one thing you won't get from Akker Dakker is a faux apology, not when there's a jugular to hand and there's the chance of liberal blood spilling all over the floor.

Enough already Akker Dakker. It's bad enough to be a plump fear mongerer, but to think everybody else is a fear mongerer is fear mongering above the cause of duty.

Yep, it's Akker Dakker the climate scientist on duty for the weekend, reminding us all of Mike Carlton's intemperate put down of the head of the Pellist conspiracy in Mediaeval mindset, minus the screws for the extraordinary dogmatic ignorance Pell displayed in his attack on the head of the Bureau of Meteorology, Dr Greg Ayers:

Such folly is unsurprising in a man who believes that prayers to a dead nun can cure cancer.

Oh come on Mike, believing in the cancer healing ways of a dead nun is surely nothing up against the literal belief that you're munching on the actual genuine body of Christ, and slurping down his blood ...

Hmm, what frock to wear heading off to a feast of cannibals? Purple ... or red?

But back to Akker Dakker, who has impeccable scientific credentials, far superior to those of Cardinal Pell, who diligently studies "stuff", only to stuff it up with addle-headed personal abuse:

''Ayers, when he spoke to the House, was obviously a hot-air specialist. I've rarely heard such an unscientific contribution.''

Spoken like a veritable blimp of explosive hydrogen, a Hindenburg airship frocked in red ...

No doubt Akker Dakker gained his own incomparable scientific expertise during his time at Guildford Grammar School (before he was asked to leave), or perhaps in his schooling at Christ Church Grammar school, wherein he failed to complete his final exams (or so the Akker Dakker wiki tells us here).

Never mind, Akker Dakker is a full blown climate change denialist, the only term available to us now that scepticism as a term has been reserved by Quadrant for those who accept that human activities have an effect on the planet, and just want to argue about the size of the impact.

Yep, come on down the deadly trio of Lehmann, Farrell and Warburton scribbling away in The Intelligent Voter's Guide to Global Warming and remind us one more time:

Man-made emissions are likely to cause a doubling of atmospheric carbon dioxide during this century and this increase will continue to have a warming effect on global temperatures. One of the disappointing distortions of the climate science debate is the claim that sceptics deny this relationship. What sceptics are sceptical about is the strength of this AGW effect.

What utter bilge and nonsense. Go for it Akker Dakker and sock it to these faux conservatives, these wretched fellow travellers, these lickspittle conformists:

When Gillard told the Dunstan Foundation Professor Garnaut’s latest report indicates that the need to act is greater than ever and the scientific consensus is stronger than ever, she was only half-right.

The scientific world is more divided on the evidence and more questioning of the data than it ever has been.

Yes, that's more like it, the scientific world is utterly divided, and everyone is questioning the data, and chances are climate science is a complete myth and a fraud, and don't you worry about Akker Dakker's sources for these blithe assertions, just trust Akker Dakker. Or perhaps the healing power of nuns when it comes to suffering in the world ...

Okay Akker Dakker - now self-proclaimedly of a brave intrepid unholy trinity of Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt - time to nail that Ju-liar to the wall:

In her Adelaide address she went into full-on fear-mongering mode.

Humans were causing global climate change and the consequences were more extreme bushfire conditions and droughts, falling crop yields, loss of species, increased cyclone intensity, more days of extreme heat, coastal flooding as sea levels rise, bleaching of our coral reefs and a substantial decline in alpine snow cover. Phew!

But there is not a reputable scientist in the world who has yet said any of the above has been directly caused by global warming, let alone pointed to the hand of man.

Not a single reputable scientist! Nothing to do with the hand of man! Take that Quadrant quislings! Zap kapow!

Now of course there might be thousands of disreputable scientists out there who wildly assert some of these delusional notions, but none are comparable to the deep forensic intellect, and the scalpel-like wisdom of an Akker Dakker in full cry.

Naturally, just like Cardinal Pell, Akker Dakker doesn't rely on personal abuse to make his point, but instead relies on cutting edge scientific observations, honed by years of experience and a deep humility in the face of the need for objectivity:

Gillard relies heavily on Labor’s paid advisers to come to the party whether they be the failed weather forecaster Tim Flannery or the avuncular economist Ross Garnaut.

Talk about hot air!

Yep, there's nothing like a peer reviewed paper published in the Daily Terror to strike fear in the heart of dilettantes, amateur scientists, professional hacks, questers after government grants, climategate fraudsters and other sordid mis-readers of the world, up against the likes of the fearless Akker Dakker and the noble scientist Cardinal Pell and the coral trout loving Alan Jones.

Oops, I see my man servant has brought in a delicious coral trout, and is now busy preparing a wonderful dessert, and so as a member of the fiendish inner suburban conspiracy determined to undo democracy and drive our industry offshore and euthanase our economy (so Akker Dakker assures the world), excuse me while I don a nice purple outfit and hoe in like a hog in a field of truffles ...

Oh yes, and all you mugs out there who believe that Alan Jones is down wit you ... there's a bowl of first class porridge, full of enriching oats, waiting for you on the doorstep.

No milk or sugar of course, we wouldn't want you getting too uppity and demanding cake, not when a flourless dessert is all the go ...

(Below: some alleged photos of Piers Akerman, climate scientist extraordinaire, that litter the intertubes, and which now by being repeated here, clog up the full to overflowing intertubes even more. Readers are invited to imagine in which sitcom Akker Dakker makes these appearances).