A hardly normal look at Michael Costa, Dennis Shanahan, dole bludging, and Tony Abbott in congress with a duck ...

(Above: when seeking speaking engagements, Dennis Shanahan favours a perky yellow number, not too canary, not too Van Gogh sunflowers, but in the best Goldilocks way, just right).

Well that should settle the futurists.

Amazon goes online in 1995 (wiki) and eBay begins its march towards garage sale domination in 1995. (wiki)

Bravely going where millions have already trudged for years, Hardly Normal announces it will shortly launch an online store "within weeks", creating a "sizeable internet presence".

In April 2011. (Harvey Norman raises white flag in online fight).

Having, we learn, extensively upgraded the Harvey Norman website in late 2009, adding many needed functions for online sales - except the ability for consumers to purchase directly.

Oh brave new bold Australia, oh Australia hurrah. In further news, The Australian finally announces its long awaited paywall offering many exciting new online features and functionalities ... except the ability for consumers to purchase directly online.

We keed, we keed.

And now - as they used to say in the good old days when comedy was meant to be surreal - for something completely different.

Naturally it involves The Australian. Where else could you find Michael Costa bravely accepting My part in the ALP's downfall in NSW, admitting he wanted to privatise electricity, and then coming out with his variant on George Washington chopping down the cherry tree:

Notwithstanding this, I am happy to provide my head to those seeking scapegoats. You can rightly blame me: I not only accept responsibility, I make no apology. If I had my time over I would pursue exactly the same policy.

Uh huh. Righteous is as righteous does. And this he comes out with this, the first in a list of a number of other turkeys, like the Metro and other disasters:

Clearly, somebody else needs to take responsibility for what occurred in the two years after I left. And these matters include:

► The numerous scandals involving ministers and backbenchers that made the NSW government a item of national derision.

Who was that chappie who sang the song Short Memory? How did the lyrics go?

If you read the history books you'll see the same things happen again and again
Repeat repeat short memory they've all got it
When are we going to play it again ...

Oh heck, let's play it again, let's head back to 2002 and How taxpayers pay minister's weekender mortgage.

Yep, those were the days, when Costa became a country member of parliament, thereby gaining access to a Sydney allowance, a country member's logistical allowance, airfares, and sundry other benefits, while spending most of his time in an apartment in Pyrmont. His excuse?

"I claim all of my allowances," he declared. "As a former trade unionist I would advise anyone to do the same. I'm proud of my decision to move and live in the country. I think more of my upper house colleagues should do the same, and experience the issues that confront regional and rural NSW."

Uh huh. Those are the issues regional and rural NSW confront on the odd holiday weekend.

Well poor old John Brogden got a lot wrong in his short leadership of the Liberal party, but he got it right about this kind of pious humbuggery, hypocrisy and cant:

The Leader of the Opposition, John Brogden, last night questioned the legitimacy of Mr Costa's claims.

"Michael Costa stumbles from crisis to crisis," Mr Brogden said. "He is a millstone around the Government's neck, and Bob Carr should sack him. These revelations go further to the betrayal of public trust by Michael Costa.

"These allowances are meant for legitimate country members who come to the city for parliamentary and other business - not the reverse.

"It's clear that Michael Costa is about as country as a Leichhardt cappuccino."

Actually it's to be hoped that the good citizens of Cessnock can score a decent cappuccino - I know they can be found in Tamworth. But what a pity they had to put up with Michael Costa exploiting a weekender in their town. See the original article to do the math ...

And now, as they say, for something different, but as usual it involves The Australian, and bold wearer of brave ties, Dennis Shanahan, as he celebrates Old Tony re-emerges to get real on policy.

Amazingly this bit of limp noodle hagiography is passed off as number one in the rotating bits of commentariat think pieces the lizard Oz offers this Thursday. I keed you not:

Well now that the hook's been spread out like a patient etherised upon a table, let us go through certain half-deserted streets, the muttering retreats of restless hacks offering up tedious arguments of insidious intent, to lead you to an overwhelming question. Oh, do not ask 'what is it?', just read Shanahan and expire, or perhaps come and go, talking of Michelangelo. And Tony Abbott.

Amongst the stunning and exciting ideas emerging from the new Tony, who isn't really new, so much as the old Tony scrubbed off and re-furbished, we have this dynamic solution to the problems confronting the Australian economy:

Given Abbott's ideas - even the example of denying people on the dole their payments if they are in areas where ripe fruit falls for want of pickers - are refinements of his former "tough love" approaches, they represent not so much an emergence of a "'new Tony" as a re-emergence of the "old Tony".

Yep, it's bashing the dole bludgers as a brand new policy strategy.

Astonishing. Especially astonishing that no one's ever thought of that strategy before. Except for Channel Seven, as fondly recalled by Media Watch in Boasting Bludger or Gullible Prey?

And of course you have to go back even further, to the Nine Network and to the Paxton family bashing, to remember John Safran and Ray Martin having a dust up on the nature strip, and Crikey adding the moment to many others to award Martin a Wankley Award Hall of Fame prize for journalistic wankery. The golden era of dole bludger bashing.

And after all those memories, you might forget that old Tony is indeed just old Tony, as the punch drunk Puncher Leo Shanahan reminded us a year ago in Bludger politics: the Paxtons don't live here anymore.

Back then, the Abbott proposal was to stop dole payments to able bodied people under 30, a simplistic knee jerk exercise designed to get people heading to the remote areas of WA to sort out the labour shortage in the mining boom.

Poor old Leo didn't get it - he even wondered if every dole bludger had the necessary skills to work heavy machinery in a mine - and he offered up this as a closer:

Going down this path for the Liberals is the political equivalent of Channel 9 bringing back Hey Hey It’s Saturday, and that is already confusing me because it’s on a Wednesday.

Or perhaps it's the political equivalent of bringing back Ray Martin.

Never mind, it leads Dennis "the tie" Shanahan to a remarkable and rousing finale:

Abbott is not only shifting to a more positive approach but also spruiking the experience of his front bench and not demurring from the Howard years.

Depending on how serious is the resurrection of the Old Tony to take on the Real and Fake Julias, we may even see Coalition policies on long-term climate solutions and workplace reforms.

How terribly exciting.

At last an ETS to tackle the problem of climate change! And perhaps a return to Work Choices. Oh brave new Tony, oh Australia hurrah.

What's remarkable about Shanahan's piece of puffery is its brevity.

So many new policies from new Tony, but dole bludger bashing as the only visible highlight ...

Still we wait with bated breath coalition policies on long-term climate solutions, foolishly believing that the coalition already had these solutions to hand ...

How wrong we were.

Shouldn't take long to reveal the new solutions. How long to deal with a load of crap?

Meanwhile, roll on the dole bludger bashing. You can make a start here on this exciting new policy in Take dole away in boom areas, Abbott says.

And bring back Hey Hey It's Saturday. This time, for fun, run it on a Friday, and keep on confusing Leo.

And call its host the new old old new new old Daryl Somers. How's that working for you Daryl?

Somers said in an update on his Hey Hey Facebook page: "Sadly, there's nothing to report about the on-air prospects of Hey Hey at this time but I can't thank you enough for your efforts and genuine enthusiasm to keep the show on air. I can tell you that you're not alone as we have been trying our best to make it happen too! (here).

Not to worry. Once Hey Hey returns from the grave, we can offer Tony Abbott a brand new chance to pluck a Paxton. And a duck. And while he's at it, perhaps Abbott can pluck that goose Shanahan ...

(Below: the new political master demonstrates the old trick of how to have congress with a stuffed duck).