Paul Kelly, and a triple stomach paper designed to produce tripe and cow pats ...

What better way to start the football season in Sydney than a punch involving a police investigation, Manly whining in the usual loser way, and the whole town in an uproar?

There's little doubt a major crime was committed, but not the one the police are investigating. It's alleged that a rugby league footballer was involved in an incident with a man outside what many reports described as a "fast-food restaurant", after visiting said restaurant for a bite to eat.

But let's not beat around the bush. It was allegedly 3.20 am and it was a McDonald's in George Street.

That's a culinary crime of the first water. A highly trained athlete shovelling junk food down the throat in the wee hours? Some might think it's almost a crime against humanity. As for any other related incident at the same time and place, we'll leave that to the police, but there's more food for thought in Just Chew It: don't sell KFC, MacGill tells his cricketing mates.

There's a good case that being hooked on junk makes for a better lifestyle than hooked on junk food; in any case, I'd rather swallow razor blades than the average McDonalds.

On the other hand, I'd rather tear out an offending eye than read Paul "Mr. Beige" Kelly and yet here we are, settling down to consider the strange case of Fresh problems for Labor, wherein, like a cow with a well-worn cud, he chews over old matter to lather himself, and presumably any stray reader, into a frenzy of fear and loathing about a Labor-Green crusade:

The current push to remove the Australian government's executive veto over laws passed by the ACT's Legislative Assembly is inexorably tied to same-sex recognition.

Uh huh. Fresh problems for Labor?

Same old, same old. And loads of it, thanks to Kelly banging on at length, in ways we won't reproduce here, but proving in the process that all three stomachs can produce is plenty of tripe and lots of cow pats.

Can we now just take a detour thanks to Malcolm Farr reporting live to the nation, back before the Labor-Green crusade became a handy whipping boy for the lizard folk at the Oz? It's a tad lengthy because in it Tony Abbott makes a couple of important points about the proposed Federal bill in relation to the ACT:

The Government and the Coalition want it (the bill) sent to a committee, but the senators, according to reports believe passage of the legislation would allow Canberra and Darwin to approve gay marriage.

Tony Abbott disagrees, and told Melbourne radio today: "Well, I'm not entirely familiar with everything that happens in the Senate but I think (Greens Leader) Bob Brown and the Greens have put up a private member's bill that would remove the ability of a federal government minister to strike down by Order in Council an act of a territory.

"I think in a nutshell that's what's proposed. Now, we're still looking at that.

"It is not about the principle of gay marriage. It is not about the principle of euthanasia. Its about governance if you like, and were looking at that and we'll come to a position on it.

NEIL MITCHELL: "But the implication of it immediately would be on gay marriage, not so much euthanasia because that's been banned through the federal houses I know. But on the issue of gay marriage if this was to stand then the territories could approve gay marriage.''

TONY ABBOTT: "Well, I'm not sure that that's right, Neil. Again I don't claim to be a constitutional lawyer. But the Federal Marriage Act provides that marriage is between a man and a woman and my understanding is that no state or territory for that matter can pass a law which is in conflict with that federal law. To the extent of any inconsistency the federal law would prevail.''

There also seems to be concern that this bill would allow territories to approve euthanasia. However, that would still be banned under 1997 legislation.

Maybe Mr Abbott should brief the Caucus on the Greens legislation. (here)

Hah, good one big Mal Farr. Chortle.

Get Tony Abbott to brief the cretinous Caucus on the implications of the legislation ... Snicker, snortle.

But how about Tony Abbott briefing Paul Kelly and the cretinous commentariat at the Oz about their relentless bout of fear-mongering, a crusade that makes the Catholic church crusade against the Albigensians seem like a Sunday picnic?

For sheer mindless, mendacious, repetitive, grub raking and mucking alarmism and panic mongering, you can't go past the team at The Australian on a daily basis ...

Meanwhile, the reprehensible Scott Morrison has very quickly been rehabilitated, naturally courtesy of The Australian, which offers space for his piece Plan won't help asylum-seekers, wherein Morrison makes the following point:

Consider also the fact, confirmed by the government, that in 2009-10 only one in 10 Afghans who made offshore applications for a protection visa were granted visas. Yet in the first nine months of 2010 more than nine in 10 Afghans who had arrived by boat were given a positive refugee assessment after appeal. That is a strong incentive to get on a boat.

Sssh, whatever you do, don't mention the war, and the way the lads and lasses of the west are bravely making Afghanistan safe for corruption, warlords, Hamid Karzai and the production and smuggling of drugs ....

A war that's been going on for a decade without purpose or end point. Now there's a strong incentive to get on a boat, but sssh, whatever you do, only talk about pull factors, and make jolly sure you disremember push factors (and more on Lee's laws here). And whatever you do, don't mention the way both major parties have been involved up to their necks in the ongoing ruination of a country, and then wonder why people take to a boat ...

Meanwhile, we turn as usual to the anonymous editorialist for the sanctimonious blather we expect as a capper for any discussion of the war:

Through conflicts in Korea, Vietnam, Iraq and, now, Afghanistan, our young service personnel have fought the same foes and made the same sacrifices. Whatever our judgments about the merits and tactics of any of these wars, no one can deny that the motivation has been our shared commitment to democracy and freedom. (here)

As well, lately, it seems, a shared commitment to Hamid Karzai, and the production of drugs for circulation in the west ... and sssh, when it comes to democracy and freedom, don't mention the boat people ...

By golly, after a minute or two reading The Australian, I have this strange desire to wander out in the streets at odd hours of the night in search of a McDonalds to get a little fibre into the body and a deeper intellectual understanding of the world into my mind ...

Meanwhile, it seems the rebellion against a mad dog desert dictator is going bad for the rebels, not surprising seeing as how the finest munitions of the Russians and the Europeans once swamped the colonel (Libya arms embargo hits Euro contracts). Well played Wallonians ... (Socialists facilitate Tripoli arms deal).

Oh waiter, bring me a bowl of water, along with another burger ...

Pilate saw that he wasn't getting anywhere and that a riot was developing. So he sent for a bowl of water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this country's blood. The responsibility is yours!"

(Below: so what better way to celebrate the advance of peace, justice and democracy in the world than to run the Wallonian symbol of a strutting cock. Why it even suits the start of the football season and would certainly make for a tasty chicken burger).