Yahoo Seven, St Kilda footballers, sex with sixteen year olds, and memories of David Campbell ...

(Above: a bunch of inflated balls, needing relief or a good kicking).

Well it's a relief to have it possibly or hopefully confirmed.

AFL footballers can swing their dicks with a sixteen year old, and they won't be dragged through the Seven network's hall of shame. That pleasure's reserved for closeted gay politicians.

Of course the Seven network might still take its job of trawling through the gutter seriously and proceed to dump these rampant heterosexuals in their gutter file, in the eternal quest for ratings. Who knows?

Since I don't watch Seven, I don't know what they will, have or might report.

It seems however that the conduct of the players has had a definite impact on the game. Betting on St Kilda's upcoming clash with Adelaide has been suspended.

Why it could only be worse if they'd suspended betting on the Melbourne cup. Is this Australia? Fancy not being able to bet on a footy match ...

Surely this gives Seven the leeway it needs for its name and shame policy. You know, in the way that David Campbell legally used a ministerial car, and outrageously presented himself as a family man.

These young footballers were presenting themselves at high schools in football clinics as ambassadors for the game, showing how to hold high the standards of sporting heroes, shining exemplars of a way forward for dinkum Aussies wanting to beat East Germany at its state funded sporting triumphs.

Luckily no criminal offence has been committed, and it seems that football clinics at schools aren't a way for AFL footballers to groom young women for sex.

As a result, the Herald Sun was a model of rectitude:

The Herald Sun has chosen not to name the players involved, but their identities have been widely circulated on social networking websites. (here).

And Yahoo!7 also seemed to accept the umpire's verdict regarding decency, modesty, circumspection and noble reticence:

St Kilda released it's own statement saying: "The relationship between each of the two young players and the teenage female was consensual and started after the two young players were introduced to her, following the match in Sydney on March 27," St Kilda's statement said.

"The players did not obtain the teenage female's contact details when attending an AFL school visit".

"The AFL has interviewed the teenage female and confirmed that her story independently supports the statements made by the players."

The Saints say they won't make the players' names public.

Is that it, is that all, appropriately named yahoo Seven? Is that the best you've got? Not that we're hinting at a double standard, or attempting to displace sport from its role as pillar supporting the entire society. There's sisyphean and then there's a definition of futility ...

Mike Sheahan contributed a most thoughtful, exonerating piece for the HUN under the header The game called life, in which he worried about the effects on the St. Kilda coach Ross Lyon, who is of course a family man, but by no means should it be understood that portraying himself as a family man has anything to do with his line of work, nor is it in any way comparable to other harassed family men.

Said Sheahan, in a line up there with Cazaly or perhaps Ned Kelly's 'such is life', while wryly shrugging his shoulders:

That's footy, that's life.

What need for philosophy or religion or zen Buddhism when you can deliver that kind of cryptic koan? Surely he should trademark the line to stop it being used for illegal purposes. Like that's ice cream, that's life, or that's gibberish, that's life.

But talk about a major distraction for the game, talk about trying times for St. Kilda, talk about consequences for the season, bigger perhaps than Riewoldt's hammie (whatever that might be, unless it's the way the shinbone connects to the groin, and the groin gets the footy lads into trouble):

St Kilda and the AFL, and the authorities, have accepted that what ultimately occurred was no more sinister than boys meet girls, and boys and girls repair for sex.

Sadly, it seems an unwanted pregnancy may have resulted.

She was 16 at the time, apparently purporting to be 18.

Then there's the suggestion of the girl's subsequent involvement with a third player from a different club.

A baby means long-term implications for the girl and the father, a most unfortunate consequence of casual sex.

Wise words. Yep, that's cheese, that's life.

The Age was equally virtuous, with a virtue almost matching that of a virgin:

The league said it would not reveal the names of the St Kilda players involved because it believed they had done nothing unlawful, nor anything that warranted sanctions. The Age has chosen not to name the footballers, both senior St Kilda players.

The AFL's Brian Walsh told The Age: ''We name people when we've sanctioned them in some way. In this case, from extensive investigation with all parties, there is no suggestion that they have done anything unlawful, or that they've done anything that would cause concern about their actions during a school visit.'' (here).

Chosen not to! Insiders content to stay on the inside, but nudge nudge, wink wink, they know who done it. Full of high minded feelings, they are, no deus ex machina swinging in from the wings to set the record straight.

You see, the consensual legal sex happened as a result of a nightclub encounter:

The girl, a year 12 student, was interviewed yesterday by police and the AFL and said she had not met the players until late March in a Sydney nightclub after the Saints' first-round victory over the Swans.

Well we know all about Sydney nightclubs, don't we! A rush of blood to the head and then a sneaky Channel 7 reporter poised to reveal the sordid truth to the world.

The nightclub wasn't mentioned by name, which is a pity, because we'd like to add it to our list of secret Sydney nightclubs where you can score a fuck with a footballer.

Yes, boys will be boys, but what happens when boys will be boys with boys? Thanks to Jason Akermanis, who's name eerily evokes thoughts of Piers Akerman, we know this never happens in the AFL, but we know what should happen if it did.

Why blowhards at Seven will blow it all over the media, posing like a cesspit or a sewer overflowing with righteous zeal, or too much storm water.

Well, we look forward to Peter Meakin's righteous expose of the sexual activities of young footballers ... Think of the cars and the families and the sporting clinics and the clubs suffering under the shame ...

Perhaps he could also do a thought provoking piece on the problems alcohol produces amongst the young ... and the elderly ..

On second thoughts, who cares. We too know the names of the footballers involved, or at least we know the scurrilous rumours circulating in the outer orbits of the underbelly of the intertubes, and it's so what, except for them, their families and friends and confidants.

If mainstream media wants a decent identity, it should be by taking a step away from idle gossips and fish mongers (not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with fish mongering). Instead of resigning themselves to running nude photos of not Pauline Hanson as a way of attracting attention to themselves ...

Would that the media had shown the same discretion with David Campbell and focussed on the failed transport policies of the NSW government ...

But hey, that's politics, that's life.

(Below: but what, you ask nervously, would happen to entertainment if the media decided to be discreet? Where the jollies, how the rocks gotten off, whither the pecking order in the farm yard? As always, the pond has the answer, and as usual, it involves the infallible way, falling back to standard, traditional, conservative, religious values ...)