Piers Akerman, a rich array of adjectives for ransacking, and sundry pond matters ...

(Above: more Nicholson here).

Reassured by the news that a cup of tea with Tony Abbott will make even the most sordid policy - including the inhuman treatment of other people - okay, we strode out into the Sunday digital landscape free of tremulous fear.

All was well on the pond - thanks the fantastic restorative powers of a cup of cha thanks love, up against the filthy vile undermining effects of coffee - and what did we see, but naturally and inevitably, over in one corner, the indefatigable Piers Akerman beavering away with Spending your cash to fight Rudd's fight.

Given half a chance to turn any policy into a disaster, the agile cat-like Akker Dakker pounced on Chairman Rudd's advertising campaign, to counter the mining industry's advertising campaign, failing to understand that this is a clever initiative by the Rudd government to get us to switch off our televisions, get out of our houses and enjoy the last few days of autumn with some healthy physical exercise.

Here at the pond of course we take a principled stand, as expected of the aborigines this past century.

Let the valiant multinational mining companies loot and pillage and dig up and ship out as much as they can for as little tax as they can manage, so that Australia can experience a soul brother experience with the inhabitants of New Guinea, and never mind a little mercury. If' we're going to be a quarry, let's be the best and cheapest damn little quarry in the whole of the south Pacific, and if we run out of minerals, in the way that Nauru ran out of bird shit, hey we can become a dumping ground for refugees. And not just a pissant one, but a billion dollars a year for a couple of hundred a year, thank you very much.

Nonetheless, Piers was in fine feckless form, with a flurry of adjectives, and as usual when he's in top spray mode, we love to give a little summary of his best phrases and adjectives.

Disastrous dollar yo-yo new us-against-them class-war cornerstone national emergency devastating threatening mothball freeze political ploy proven level of incompetence goose of a Treasurer duplicitous Finance Minister the list goes on unpopular dismal Henry Review truth first goes out the window sad saga of appalling mismanagement grossly abused standards of governance heavily politicised and loaded committee ideologically and politically correct series of recommendations distorted almost beyond recognition cannot be accused of hypocrisy in the matter nowhere to hide from that charge customary contradictory fashion willing connivance blatantly political advertising as sick cancer a cancer on democracy grotesque once-loyal Labor apparatchiks now openly laugh at Mr Rudd ...

We invite anyone interested in using this treasurer trove of adjectives to fossick through and find one that might suit their needs. As a bonus we offer up vile, filthy and abstemious. Not sure why, they just happen to appeal this Sunday morning ...

Akker Dakker concludes triumphantly:

From coast to coast, Labor focus groups are reporting an upwelling of deep personal disapproval for the once-popular PM, a visceral scorn that transcends any the trade union movement was able to muster for former PM John Howard.

Indeed, and there's just one problem for the Liberals:

From coast to coast, Loon Pond focus groups are reporting an upwelling of deep personal disapproval for the policies of Tony Abbott, once the effects of a cup of tea have worn off, a visceral scorn that transcends any abiding memories of the scorn that having a cup of tea with former PM John Howard produced.

Back to the Pacific solution? Why must Abbott aim for his toes and the Howard mud below, when Chairman Rudd already does it so well?

Meanwhile, Heath Aston offers up an incisive study of dumb perplexity in Campbell outing has Seven in the doghouse.

Chewing over this now very old Campbell bone, which has been buried and dug up several times, Aston manages his own kind of homophobia quite well by attributing the attacks on Seven to a fear of homophobia:

Those like former High Court judge Michael Kirby who claim the Campbell story highlights nothing more than the media's – and in particular Seven's – homophobia miss the point.

It is the homosexual nature of his behaviour that kept a relative lid on the fallout associated with the biggest political scandal of the year and saw the whole thing blow up in Seven's face.

Oh yes, the Australian media is terribly afraid of homosexual scandals, as was demonstrated by its exemplary behaviour during the whole Michael Kirby Bill Heffernan chauffeur affair (remember that fall out here in Claims PM's former driver supplied forged Kirby document).

Yes the slavering slobbering hounds were kept firmly on the leash ... no doubt because the alleged homosexual nature of Kirby's behaviour kept a relative lid on the fallout associated with the biggest legal scandal of the year ... until the whole thing blew up on the face of Heffernan and the media.

Deep down Aston is mortally offended that the media might not be able to dig up and chew on a good juicy sex scandal, and so he has to invent a heterosexual equivalent in his own bizarro world:

Seven undoubtedly now wishes it had sprung Campbell leaving a straight venue – though I'm not sure a straight version of Ken's exists.

Imagine if Kristina Keneally had stood up nine days ago and said, "David has been living with a terrible secret for 20 years: He enjoys sex with multiple women who are not his wife, Edna."

Feminists and family groups would still be shouting about his misogyny and deception and Seven would be crowing about their exclusive.

Actually, there haven't been too many feminists and family groups shouting about the misogyny of footballers swinging their dicks with sixteen year olds and demanding that names be named and footballers be shamed ...

No doubt there are a few Christians wanting to get upset, but the urge for a little privacy - even for a nude non-Pauline Hanson - is thankfully a little stronger. Which is why when Aston prattles on about how double lives and politics never mix, he should remember that journalism and double lives might not mix either, in this day of idle scuttlebutt on the intertubes.

Expect journalists to live life on the straight and narrow? Why that's totally unrealistic and unfair. Yes, and so it is with politicians if a little sex on the side, of whatever kind, doesn't interfere with their duties. (Here we might exclude actual sex on ministerial desks, since if nothing else precious bodily fluids might have an impact on briefing papers ... or politicians sniffing chairs in the workplace ... or politicians mating with politicians, an unhealthy incestuous practice, especially if conducted across party lines, and likely to sire green Liberals to the consternation of Tony Abbott).

But enough already about the probity of dogs with fleas.

The Sun-Herald is maintaining the rage about Senator Stephen Conroy with Filter goes ahead regardless, and after seeing how the straw poll associated with the story is running, it seems only fair to add as a bonus header that Anyone Other than Conroy gets our vote regardless.

And finally over at The Australian, Peter van Onselen continues to stir the pot about Julia Gillard challenging Chairman Rudd in Gillard content to play waiting game.

Oh he knows how to tempt in a wicked way. Should Chairman Rudd be voted back in by a squeak and a prayer so that the country can have its first, competent female Prime Minister? Okay, we admit it, it's our fondest hope that the carrot top gets the top job, and not by way of being the last woman standing, in the manner of Kristina Keneally or Joan Kirner ...

Oh it's a fun time to be on the pond, and with Dennis Hopper dead, and Rikkie Lee Jones performing like a trooper last night but showing her age, we should enjoy it while we can ...

(Below: a younger Rikkie Lee in vhs quality).