No time to lose today, the pond has a lot to cover, so it's straight into it with the bromancer giving expert climate advice to the man who will save the planet ...
Oh yes, he's a man of vision, and technology has been the only answer all along ...
And here the pond must briefly pause to pick a fight with Charlie Lewis at Crikey when he scribbled this ...
Actually Charlie it wasn't the press gallery, it was a lizard Oz beat-up. Please, fair credit to the reptiles as they go about their duties ...
Be fair ... surely the plan to have a plan, and the plan already being in the planning stage and soon to become a plan, was a most excellent lizard Oz EXCLUSIVE, exuding positivity ...
And so back to the bromancer for the wrap-up, exuding the positivity the reptiles are now famous for when it comes to climate science ...
Indeed, indeed, because when talking of climate science, the only way to approach it is to blather on about affirmations of faith and stints in purgatory in the next life ... though the last time the pond checked, even the church was unclear about the status of purgatory, let alone Pope Francis's dodgy thoughts on hell ...
Still, there's just time for a celebratory offering from the infallible Pope as the pond's act of contrition...
And now, pell mell, helter skelter, it's on with Dame Groan ...
And there's the reason for the pond's white rabbit rush down the rabbit hole with the groaner ... you see, the pond thought it would be fun to head back in time and do a cut and paste in the Burroughs manner, making sure not to aim at any apples on heads ...
Europe? Why on earth should anyone pay attention to that tired irrelevancy ...
What fun. You can see why the pond wanted to rush, so it could rush back to the past, then rush back to the present, because you never know, you might be able to set up a back to the future franchise ...
Indeed, indeed, but let us not forget the triumphalism of yore ... and the celebration of the good days that were to come ...
Indeed, indeed, and haven't things gone splendidly, and aren't they going splendidly now, as we return to the present for a final celebration of where the Boris mob have landed ... (sssh, don't mention assorted shortages, or truck drivers or such like) ...
Good old Groan, with her usual modest climate science denialism, but back in the day, it was all systems go ...
Oh yes, it's all going to be rosy, though a cynic might observe that if Dame Groan's observations about Brexit are as accurate as her thoughts on climate science, the planet is well and truly, and more than comprehensively, fucked ...
And now for the real reason for the pond's rush ...
You see, the pond has already gone on far too long, but the pond must attend to Killer Creighton. Whenever Killer wants to express his deepest fears, the pond puts him on the couch and gives him the full Freudian shrink treatment ...
The pond can hear a sharp intake of breath ... not the Killer carrying on in the usual way ... must psychotherapy involve deep damage to the intellects and tired, reptile-exhausted emotions of listeners and readers?
But if the pond can run with the Caterist blathering about "bodily integrity" and not crack a joke about precious bodily fluids and Commie plots and all the Dr Strangelove routines the pond has celebrated many times, then anything is possible ...
Indeed, indeed, but please allow the pond to make another detour. You see, Media Watch last night reminded the pond of where dashing Donners had landed ...away with the pixies and off to the Sunday Terror, and so out of reach of the pond, though to be fair, a tabloid is about where dashing Donners' intellect should be put on parade ... as you'd expect of a man who might summarise an entire show by simply looking at the trailer ... (though to be fair, the pond finds Netflix trailers unerringly accurate, so much crap, so little time).
Never mind, the pond was startled to see another old pond favourite turn up this day, and he was in something of an unseemly rage ...
Frankly the pond hadn't thought of the Melleuish for yonks, and yet there he was riding shotgun on the Killer ...
Simplistic Sharri was also in the mix, but there has to be a limit ... and her constant carry on about Wuhan is simply too weird for the pond ...
Let us instead smote the denialists ...
Why, the mellifluous Melleuish was sounding quite pond-like, and seems to have been much changed by his time in the mighty 'Gong ...
It made a poignant and pleasing contrast to the Killer, and the pond hoped it might help Killer with his therapy ...
Yes, it's classic Killer, his deep fear of fearmongering and his abiding disgust at servile deference to social media, as opposed to our own eyes and ears - because everybody regularly attends ICUs to observe Covid patients in their death throes - but at the same time, the pond couldn't stop turning back to the irate Melleuish ...
Indeed, indeed, but what if your patient has a deep and abiding fear of masks?
The pond has many times tried to grapple with Killer's deep Masklophobia, and yet it keeps popping up, and the chance of a full recovery seems minimal ...
In consequence, some might think the pond an abject, abysmal failure, patiently sitting by the couch, listening to the Killer as he pours out his concerns, and yet we have to try ...
Did someone mention hysterical over-reaction? Perhaps that's the pond's problem. It's misdiagnosed Killer. Sure there was the obligatory mention of masks being useless, but then there was the hysterical over-reaction leading to the notion that liberal democratic society had been brought to an end by a pandemic, when Faux News, the mango Mussolini and News Corp had already done that in style (as noted in another Media Watch item on the far right consorting with Laura Ingraham).
Perhaps the Killer was suffering from what Victorians described as female hysteria, but it is easily curable ...
Luckily there was just time for a note as to what to do with these miscreants, as proposed by the malicious Melleuish, though there seemed to be something of an SM severity to it ...
Now the pond apologises for such a quick canter, which verged on a gallop in places, but it just had to be. The bromancer led to coal and Crikey and the infallible Pope; the Groaning turned the pond back to the glorious days of Brexit groaning; the Killer's dubious history lesson, full of the usual neuroses, and saturated with further rich material for Freudian analysis, simply had to be accompanied by a celebration of the return of the Melleuish from the 'Gong ...
And yet the pond had barely scratched the service of a gigantic conspiracy that was busily beavering away in the Surry Hills bunker, and "may have destroyed our liberal democratic society ..."
Cry "bodily integrity" and "precious bodily fluids", under attack from sinister forces ...
Fortunately there is a solution to paranoia and hysteria ... take a Rowe a day before breakfast, with a Rowe in easily digestible form usually to be found here ...
Hi Dorothy,
ReplyDeleteI think the Bromancer is just attempting to write Morrison a sick note;
Dear Mr Johnson,
Scotty can’t come to COP26 in Glasgow in November as he has been quite ill. He has had a very bad headache because of electoral exposure to the Nationals and he is now suffering from a severe case of intestinal fortitude.
His close contact with Gladys has led to him catching the same level of blame that she has suffered. The subsequent complications have meant Scotty is feeling quite sick…that he might watch his whole political career go down the toilet.
Whilst Scotty won’t be able to attend, please rest assured he has totally completed his homework assignment on Climate Change and he will hand it in whenever he feels fit enough to come back to the international stage (probably after the election).
signed
Mrs Greg Morrison.
DiddyWrote
Excellent DW! The best laugh I've had all day. And the mental picture of what Mrs “Greg” Morrison might look like had me in conniptions. Terry Jones as Brian's mother (Mandy Cohen) in Life of Brian sprang to mind…the raspy voice…”he’s just a naughty boy” etc seems to fit the letter somehow. However, the Bromancer in drag is a thought I’m now trying desperately to annihilate.
DeleteYes, it has to be Brian's mum doing the reading: There's no Messiah in here. There's a mess all right, all that coal, but no Messiah. Now go away!
DeleteSpanish flu expert Creighton on the 1919-18 epidemic:
ReplyDelete“More than 50 percent of the population of Buenos Aires died…”
When I read this it just didn’t seem plausible that one city had suffered such a huge death rate.
After quite a bit of interscrolling and translating from Spanish I managed to find some cold hard facts that identify the Killer’s statement as either a monumental typo or intentional hyperbole (take your pick).
In 1918 the population of the city of Buenos Aires was 1,634,008. From the Killer’s “more than 50 percent” death rate this works out to over 817,004 deaths in Buenos Aires alone. It also means there were more Spanish flu victims in one single city than in the whole of the United States (675,000)!
Officially 14,997 people died from the disease in Argentina, but experts (professors and such) think the actual rate could be twice that. This gives a possible figure of about 30,000 deaths, which is still a far cry from the Killer’s purported tally.
It’s not exactly clear if Killer got this huge statistic from Barry’s book or some other publication. Either way it’s grossly wrong but it’s no surprise that it suits Creighton’s attempt to make the Spanish flu pandemic catastrophically worse than our current little contamination that we shouldn’t be worried about. And I bet he’s banking on gullible Oz readers not even thinking about checking his figures.
To paraphrase his own words - he’s making up history and not in a good way!
"either a monumental typo or intentional hyperbole"
Delete'Not only ... but also' perhaps, Bef. As to the gullible readers, well he's got plenty of "lived experience" to base that on, hasn't he.
And the thing is, the "Spanish" flu was worse that Covid-19 is, but was that truly because it was more infectiously deadly, or because they just didn't have the medical science and the social organisation to combat it ?
Either way, Killer C has his 'boogieman' and he's sticking to it.
But thanks for the good research, I just wasn't up to any myself today.
Sheesh, Kez, bringing actual facts and figures to a reptile gunfight? The pond is more inclined to waffle of the Killer kind, or at least the Freudian.
DeleteReading a piece in the NYRB about Jacqueline Rose, the pond at last came across an explanation of Killer's mask fixation: "... Rose doesn't discuss pandemic anti-maskers in her new book, but with her as a guide, you see that resistance to wearing a mask has been bound up with denying one's vulnerability to illness."
https://nybooks.com/articles/2021/07/22/jacqueline-rose-power-of-questions/
But thanks for the research. Sadly, like GB, the pond is never up for it these days. It just operates on the working, and likely valid, assumption, that everything in the lizard Oz is a lie, a distortion or a betrayal of facts, or on some days, humanity and the planet ...
Cheers DP and GB! That research was a sort of mini sabbatical. And thanks for the link DP. I actually think it is easier to attack the Killer on his arithmetic rather than battle with his obviously malevolent animus.
Delete