So many loons, so little time ...

 

The pond is making a gentle return to reptile la la land, and so with the deepest regret had to let this Killer story about the Biden crime gang pass ...

The pond might pay attention the day that Killer writes a story headlined "Weight of evidence against the mango Mussolini is growing by the day", which by the pond's calculation should land around the twelfth of never, alongside a Killer story about the benefits of wearing masks in operating theatres ...

The pond also had to let go this Killer squawk by the lizard Oz editorialist ...

As the pond routinely bans petulant Peta, not least for being part of the mad monk's maladministration of the country, who is the pond to abuse Zuck on this matter? Perhaps the lizard Oz editorialist could offer to replace Uncle Elon in a cage match and take the Zuck down ...

Then came this tremendous EXCLUSIVE ...

The pond was reminded of this scandalous piece of socialist/commie/prevert propaganda that landed in the pond's mail box a few days ago, together with a shocking water bill ...

The outrageous cheek. What's this talk of inflows into dams having halved since the early 1990s? What's this idle blather about increasing use of the desal plant? The pond has long been trained by the reptiles to think of it as a white elephant, what with all the expert climatologists employed by the lizard Oz.

So the pond must abandon talk in the Friday weekly beast of the way forward for News Corp, by driving subscriptions using vanity publishing (pay to see your mug shot mugwump snap right next to nattering "Ned" or the bromancer!), and instead turned to the dog botherer for a bog standard serve of climate science denialism by the resident reptile denialist climatologist ...

How could the pond not recall that splendid moment, that paean to fatherhood in Junkee ...

Chris Kenny is my dad. On one of the Sky News political analysis programs he hosts, he has replied to the Chaser joke, lamenting that if his children were ever to Google his name in the future, this is the kind of filth we would stumble across.

Heaven forbid.

Kenny is a staunchly neo-conservative, anti-progress, anti-worker defender of the status quo. He is an unrelenting apologist for the Liberal Party. He was one of Alexander Downer’s senior advisers at the time of the Iraq War. He’s been known to argue for stubborn, sightless inaction on climate change. He spits at anyone concerned with such trivialities as gender equality, environmental issues or labour rights from his Twitter account on a daily basis. Recently, he characterised criticism of the lack of women in Tony Abbott’s Cabinet as a continuation of the Left’s “gender wars”. He is a regular and fervent participant in The Australian’s numerous ongoing bully campaigns against those who question its editorial practices and ideological biases. The profoundly irresponsible, dishonest, hate-filled anti-multiculturalist Andrew Bolt has recently referred to Kenny on his blog as “a friend”.

And it’s a jokey picture of a bestial embrace that I should be afraid of discovering online?

And then, yes, an "and then" ...

‘The Left’ is often characterised by those who appoint themselves as its opponents as lacking a sense of humour, too ‘politically correct’ and too self-righteous to lighten up and take a joke. No doubt Kenny, Bolt and Blair would argue that the difference in this case is that tax-payers fund the ABC, and should not have to hand over their hard-earned cash for this type of trash.

And I tend to agree. Let’s see the ABC give back every cent of what it cost them to use Photoshop for thirty seconds. Maybe I’ll spend the spare change on a bus to go see the Great Barrier Reef before it, like the Chaser’s dog, is completely f*cked in the a*se.

Thank you Liam Kenny, it never gets old, though it landed way back on 18th September 2013, and the pond must return to the dog botherer channelling Sally Struthers and Helen Lovejoy to cry "won't someone think of the children?" (It even has its own wiki).

At this point, the reptiles began to insert the usual set of terrifying snaps, a couple of them huuge, and as usual, the pond lumped them together as idle distractions. Return to them when feeling triggered ...

Done and dusted, and on with the dog botherer ...

Meanwhile, on another planet ...

And so on and so forth, and of course the pond wouldn't want to alarm the dog botherer, who purports to be an expert climatologist doing research, but well might be a little child terrified of the one thing that always agitates children ... being found out, proven wrong, and held to account ...

The pond has been through this routine many times before, and it goes without saying that this artless cherrypicking is just a way of avoiding the science ...

At this point some might be wondering if the reptiles deigned to notice the Canadian wildfires at the top of the digital edition ... but no such luck ...

There was a woolly public utterance from Dame Slap, as the pond has come to expect from News Corp female thought leaders, but see how the dog botherer was top of the digital page ma ... though admittedly only on the far right of the page, next to an ad promoting the rag ...

Still, it would be unwise for the pond to expect actual news or actual climate science ... and speaking of timely news and opinion, the pond has a complaint to lodge with Graham Readfearn.

It's all very well to scribble Let's talk nuclear, the Coalition says - just don't mention cost or how long it would take, but why did the pond have to wait so long to see a takedown of Ted O'Brien? 

Ted was doing his 'nuke the country to save the planet' routine before the pond took its break. Ditto the entirely appropriate takedown of cackling Claire, but she too had been cackling about nuking the country weeks ago ... though the pond will concede it missed out on expert climate science denier Malcolm Roberts hanging out with Alex Jones.

So many loons, so little time, and speaking of loons, the pond is now on the penultimate dog botherer gobbet ...

Did anyone enjoy that billy goat butt as much as the pond? You know, "obviously, children should learn about the science of global warming and consider natural variability and human impacts, as well as possible responses including mitigation and adaption."

Followed, as usually happens with billy goats butting, with more butts about the climate, and the comparison of climate science to a doomsday cult. The pond has no idea how the likes of Clare Rowe and Tanveer Ahmed got caught up in the dog botherer carry on, but the pond thinks poorly of them for it ... if they're as clueless as this about their associations and companions, the long absent lord help the children that come into their purview ...

Meanwhile, as anxiety was mentioned, does the pond have some level of genuine clinical anxiety? 

Well yes, the pond had already used this Kudelka. What would people think about the pond for using it again?

Too bad if that induced anxiety. Consider it brought to you by the dog botherer,  Clare Rowe and Tanveer Ahmed.

And so to the final gobbet, and yes, the pond does regret returning to its herpetological studies, with the pond ill-equipped to cope with the dog botherer ...

The pond tends to agree: Let’s see the ABC give back every cent of what it cost them to use Photoshop for thirty seconds. Maybe I’ll spend the spare change on a bus to go see the Great Barrier Reef before it, like the Chaser’s dog, is completely fuc*ed in the ar*e. (Beware the jabberwock and the google censor).

And so to a survey of what else is on offer this weekend ...

Why there's garrulous Gemma, and as for Damon Johnston kicking the comrade Dan can down the road, the pond regrets that what it heard on its Melbourne trip about Damon being kicked from the editorship of the HUN to pastoral duties as Victorian editor of lizard Oz comrade Dan bashing team is simply too scandalous and defamatory to repeat here ...

That left the top row of the oscillating fan explaining the News Corp strategy of endless repetition - as if the dog botherer hadn't shown how to do it - and Polonius, no doubt prattling about how we won the war in Vietnam, and Bjorn keeping company with Jordan.

Well Polonius could keep until the morrow, because the pond was smitten by the marvellous way that two of the greatest rogues in reptile history had managed to join forces ...

Meanwhile, in another universe, Jordan was back in the news ...

Forget that lizard Oz story, the pond is living that now. What about the Beeb instead?

Ah, the art of the blurb. 

Here are two father figures taking their audience seriously, urging a grander narrative, which is to say, forget about climate science, focus on anything other than climate science, so that we might arrive at a truth, being and order that dates back at least to those apes using bones as weapons in 2001 ...

Hang on a second, why are they quoting the UN Secretary-General? Didn't the dog botherer establish that he was just a useless leftist hysteric prone to alarmism?

The pond had its own troubles. What if it's preferred cartoonist had strayed off topic, and didn't have much to do with the Bjorn-again one or the blurbing Jordan?

Dammit, the pond would run it anyway ... let's do it live ...

Then it was back for more of the usual, thankfully the last gobbet of the day, because the pond felt like returning to Melbourne, where you might bump into wild-eyed lefties roaming the streets or catching the free trams, not a care in their minds, free of the News Corp canker ...

Ah, the ARC, remembered in The Graudian under the header Tony Abbott and John Howard join Jordan Peterson-led group looking at 'meaning of life' ... just a sampling of the company they all keep ...

Stability? You want stability? Has Jordan got stability for you: What Happened to Jordan Peterson? A philosopher, a medical crisis and a mystery ...

Barking mad, but much more entertaining reading than the usual dissembling, distracting Bjorn-again tosh, and there was a lot more, and the pond as usual over-indulged ... because don't do as I do, do as I say must be the mantra for the day ...

And so on and so forth, and the pond was left with yet another dilemma. 

Carry on regardless, or simply cut losses and end with a reference to the pond's favourite sub movie. The pond decided to end it all with an immortal Rowe ...