In which the pond takes a break, and all that's available for the farewell are droppings from Ted, the bro and the craven Craven ...

 

Professional pride in the reptile menagerie demanded that they put on their most splendid finery so that anyone dropping in on the pond's final post for awhile would find a veritable Xanadu of reptiliana to delight the senses, while the pond crawled through the gutters of the communist dictatorship of comrade Dan in the deepest south.

Alas the reptiles failed dismally and it was left to the pond to record some matters of interest before going on leave.

The pond woke up to the BBC's news hour advising that the Copernicus Climate Change Service had announced July 2023 sees multiple global temperature records broken. (lots of graphs!)

The WMO followed it with Copernicus confirms July 2023 was the hottest month ever recorded. You could find it noted in areas as diverse as CBS News, July was Earth's hottest month ever recorded, EU climate service says, warning of "dire consequences" and in The Graudian, with July was world’s hottest month on record, climate scientists confirm.

As for the reptiles? Crickets. Could this be the explanation? Evolution sparks silence of the crickets.

The BBC also reported on the plight of Afghanistan women and girls, with the Taliban reaching a second year of astonishingly cruel, reactionary rule. There was some good news to relieve the gloom, with underground classes and subversive women doing their best to subvert the fundamentalists, but what a struggle they face against the barking mad bigots, all the more odd when you look at the ratings success of women's soccer, but then the Taliban has never shown much interest in ratings ... or humanity. Why, you could find Gordon Brown returning from the wilderness to scribble in The Graudian The world must unite now to halt the Taliban’s repression of Afghan women and girls.

While at the Graudian, you might celebrate the return of Marina Hyde, with Is this a star on the rise, ‘just Ken’, or just Matt Hancock? Ask the families who lost loved ones during Covid. Sure it's an easy target. Matt Hancock makes a sitting duck look like a bird in flight, but any hyding is a good one. 

John Crace offered up Suella’s symposium of stupidity delivers blue-sky thinking on asylum seekers, but the pond was disturbed at his lack of historical awareness. He suggested Niger, Pitcairn, St Helena or even a return to France, but what of New Holland? 

If you're going to revive the ancient noble tradition of prison hulks - never let a good idea fade away - why not make it a part of the free trade deal that the English can send their convicts to Botany Bay?

There's a good yarn about the convict hulks at the MHNSW here. 

As for American news, the pond always begins its day with a reading of Charlie Sykes, this time offering They Are All Bannonists Now, with bonus jokes about the revival of I, Claudius and the return of Caligula, especially tasty as a legally certified rapist is now running for President.

On the other hand, Kremlin says Russia 'theoretically' doesn't need to hold elections next year because it's 'obvious' Putin will win, so why not just install King Donald?

After all, if you listen to Faux Noise, Fox News Anchor Says ‘Hatching Schemes to Stay in Office’ Isn’t a Crime. Next on Faux Noise, hatching schemes to rob a bank or murder your partner is just a way to sharpen logical thinking,  though the pond was disturbed to read No, Trump’s poll numbers don't 'go way up' every time he gets indicted.

It seems that it might have something to do with that dropkick Ron DeSanctus, still waging his war on the woke and education, though he might have a rival with Oklahoma Schools Boss Reaches Screwball Territory With China Conspiracy Theory.

As for the war being waged by sociopathic Vlad the impaler, the pond usually follows the live updates in The Graudian ...

Yes, there's a whole world of tragedy, folly, information and entertainment out there, more than enough to distract pond regulars of the GB kind, or visitors from strange lands of the JM kind, and yet the pond's last post for a while must begin by noting that the top of the digital page of the lizard Oz this day is dreary beyond belief ...

Still obsessed with the Lehrmann matter, while a rapist runs for president, and look, there, down at the bottom on the far right, ancient Troy has an EXCLUSIVE ... he talked to the man who lost government and his seat all in one go ...

There was a note about nuking the country, an EXCLUSIVE too, but more of that anon, because it's really only Pravda doing its duty by the coalition ...

It didn't get any better in the comments section ...

Ted O'Brien wants to nuke the country? The pond had to do a double take, and was forced to admit it didn't have the foggiest clue as to who this Ted might be. 

The pond had recently been reminded of Baron Ted (Willis), because an aberrant YouTube logarithm had thrown up an ancient copy of an episode of Dixon of Dock Green. The pond advises caution, and suspects the unwise might even discover a copy of an ancient Z-Cars episode ...

But this Ted was a complete mystery, so the pond plunged ahead ... and suddenly the point of Pravda and its EXCLUSIVE became excruciatingly clear ...

The reptiles can never get enough of showing coal fired plants ... but never mind, while others might be reading How Wyoming’s Carbon County came to embrace renewable energy, the pond was reading this Ted, though somehow he reminded the pond of that old Ted show, which always began with a plod making a salute to his plod helment, and to the audience, and beginning with a short intro along the lines of 'evening all, ever wondered why hardened criminals will turn to thoughts of nuking the country?' ...

Speaking of high energy IQ, the reptiles decided to enlighten the pond by running a huge snap of Ted ... revealing him to be a man in a grey suit ...

No need to look at either of the illustrations, and with the snaps out of the way, this grey Ted could be devoured in a couple of gobbets ...

The pond finds it passing strange how it seems that the next step from climate science denialism is the desire to nuke the planet in order to save it, but our Ted is hot to trot, though reading the lizard Oz and the likes of Major Mitchell, the pond does wonder where all this concern about emissions comes from. Have the reptile emissions truly heated the planet that much? Will the Major get on board the nuking agenda next Monday? Sadly the pond won't be on hand to find out ...

Stick to that grey suit Ted, it really suits you ... but now the pond must turn to the bromancer, because the pond regards itself as the bromancer site of record ...

Well he would say all that, because the bromancer has never found an authoritarian government he couldn't find a way to like, but how are things in Israel ... just the Haaretz headlines will do ...

Not looking good, but the bromancer remains entranced by Netanyahu ...

Did the pond just see a billy goat butt? It did, it did ... dressed up as a 'nonetheless', but nonetheless a billy goat butt:

"Nonetheless, Israeli settlement expansion today is unwise and Australian governments are perfectly entitled to point that out and to criticise it."

Not to worry, all bots will have glitches and bugs, and luckily the bro bot has a self-correcting mechanism, so the next gobbet returns to the perfectly predictable ...

Hmmm, another glitch at the end. The pond must check on its warranty and send the bro bot back to the manufacturer for a service ...

And so to a bonus, though the pond hesitates to use the word, because it isn't really a bonus, unless you happen to think purgatory is a real place, and that's where you should spend your time ...

The only reason the pond ran with the craven Craven, whining and moaning about Melbourne, is that the pond is off to Melbourne, and so talk of the communist enclave to the south is piquant and grist to the pond's mill ... and the pond does admire the diligent way that the reptiles manage to dig up snaps of dictator Dan looking down his nose at the lizard Oz ...

Sheesh, shouldn't he just get back to fugging up the Voice, Norman Mailer style?

The pond almost regretted not spending time on the Lerhmann matter - so many red cards for Dame Slap, so little time - but luckily it had been explained in depth by Cathy Wilcox ...

Why there's Dame Slap herself ... but back to the craven Craven, being truly tedious in a way only a Craven can be ...

Dear sweet long absent lord, that's what passes for Craven humour? He's trying to pretend that Melburnians rely on that sort of routine as part of the zeitgeist?

Naturally the reptiles fitted him out with a snap of a man who'd be banned in Texas and Florida these days, as well as a few other snaps, and as the pond is wont to do of late, it lumped them all together ...

Shorn of the snaps, the craven Craven was reduced to more digestible gobbet size, and a little digestion could soon turn him into digital waste ...

Hmm, did the craven Craven just mention Michael O'Brien and Jeff Kennett with a straight face? At this point the pond knew it needed an infallible Pope hit, and was pleased it hadn't wasted a climate cartoon on Ted or news of the hottest July on record ... (yes they really do have an idea of the weather for 10,000 years and not just from tree rings) ...

Now back to the carry-on, and after the Kovid Kerfuffle which was up there with Killer, there's more love for Jeff.

How soon before a deep love of the frock-loving Pellist surfaces?

Yes, in all that time, there's been only one victim. Not the many many victims of the church, just the frock-loving Pell, who really should have been banned in Texas and Florida for all the frock wearing ...

At this point the pond thought it was time for an immortal Rowe ...

Ah, comrade Bill. Soon the pond will be mingling with the side of the extended family that fellow travels with comrade Bill and the other side that fellow travels with the N.C.C. and they all talk about football and the pond will simply sit in silence, bemused by the weirdness of it all ...

And that left just one whining, moaning gobbet of the craven Craven to go ... but if he does mention the footy, the pond is likely to scream ...

You see? He couldn't resist mentioning a football club, and then he has the cheek to talk about malignant narcissism, apparently unaware of the deeply post-ironic nature of his own navel gazing and fluff gathering.

If the craven Craven must occasionally infest the lizard Oz with his nonsense, shouldn't he just carry on fugging up the Voice, in a Norman Mailer way?

Meanwhile, as this is the last pond post for a while, cheers to all, and because there'll be no Sunday cartoons, nor reptile dirty looks, a few cartoons before the pond hobbles off to let off a silent scream about the footy ...