In which the pond sups on the sweet nectar of the tears of the dog botherer and the Major, with Dame Slap's rage a bonus ...

 

 

The election delivered almost everything the pond could have wished for … all the Klive kash in the reptile klaw was for nought, and so the cynical reptiles made out like mercenary bandits, only to see all their dreams crumble (and Klive a heck of a lot poorer for nil result).

The ABC won the election coverage ratings (though the pond spent time on Nine simply to watch the increasingly grumpy Canavan caravan slouch off into the distance), freedumb boy went down hard, and showed little grace in the going, the speaker in tongues to imaginary friends shed a tear in church, and those who survived suddenly realised that there needed to be change, including Bridget Archer talking of "adopting a more ambitious climate policy." And so all that the onion muncher and the reptiles and the liar from the fundamentalist shire had set in motion over the years came unstuck …

There was ancient Troy scribbling in philosophical terms "rise of teals an existential threat to Liberal viability," with moderate Simon 'from the south' Birmingham even leaving the door open to splitting the Coalition into two parties, with the reptile Jess Malcolm, author if the story, apparently unaware that the Coalition is currently made up of two parties.

What she meant was that the luddites might go one way in company with Barners, the Canavan caravan, News Corp reptiles and the like, and others with a shred of sanity might stick with Bid and Simon and the like. But what of a leader, with Josh hoping against delusional hope? Could the mutton Dutton turn from bulldozer to a friendly Thomas the tank engine? Or at least a half-way acceptable controller …

And as an added bonus, the pond’s least favourite Labor politician, Kristina Keneally, found that her parachute failed to open, which added to the pleasure of watching the whole thing play out in the electorate where a Captain’s Pick had done an epic tranny flame-out.

Oh there were the doomsayers, already out and about, with Tezza McCrann furiously scribbling "Australia is now embarked on a classic big-spending Whitlam-style Labor agenda mixed up with a new-age big-spending Dark Green agenda. It is not going to end well", thereby setting the reptile agenda for the next few years.

Dark Green, with caps ’n all.

Well he would say that, being a loon nonpareil,  but the trouble is, vulgar youffs don't have a clue what he’s blathering about when Tezza has a coughing fit about Gough ... and nor do punters suddenly facing heavy insurance bills because of weather events.

And that brings the pond to its ultimate pleasure. Despite the valiant efforts of the Murdochian official government newspapers, they didn’t deliver. There was the Currish Snail trying to out-do Pravda and suddenly there were greenies under the bed in Brisbane. Brisbane?! The pond almost fainted in shock and disbelief ...

When their state propaganda machine can’t produce the results, what the fuck’s the point of the completely pointless, impotent, useless, blathering reptiles?

Who knows how it will all play out. But just one night of schadenfreude can help the pond make it through the year and the inflation already set in motion on the liar from the Shire's watch …

And then, joy of joys, the pond woke to the news that perhaps the ploy to dump Erica in Tasmania had worked.

As for today, the tree killer edition tried to pretend that Klive's kash in the reptile klaw had never existed ... as the reptiles went back to flogging their impotent wares with an ad at the bottom of the page ...

 

 

 

At the top of the digital edition sat the Major, and a gloomy figure ...

 

 

 

 

 

But the best story for the pond was this "hie thee to a nunnery" notion ...

 

EXCLUSIVE! And meanwhile there was a wealth of other reptiles on parade, and for once the pond could gleefully turn to the dog botherer, just for the pleasure of seeing how the bad doggie was coping ...

 

 

What makes this so much fun? The aforementioned schadenfreude, because the last the pond had seen of the dog botherer, he was still in full on bulldozer mode ...

 

 

Oh yes, but in answer to that correspondent's question about whether the reptiles might change their coverage to fair and balanced, who could expect a Dalmatian of the dog bothering kind to change his spots?

 

 

 

No doubt the dog botherer thought that was a killer line but actually teal is a small freshwater duck with a band on the wing that's most prominent in flight ...

Is it wrong to mock and gloat? Not really because the dog botherer clearly had the stuffing knocked out of him. The bulldozer had turned into a confused wimp ...

 

 

Read that line and laugh: "That Australia needs to do its share of the lifting when it comes to reducing global emissions is incontestable."  

The fuckwit apparently is unaware that he's spent all his time contesting it, and climate science and so on and so forth ....and then he has the invective cheek to rail at invective, himself with only invective to hand, and once again the pond was reminded that in the world of the reptiles, irony and self-awareness had long ago been checked at the door ...

But that talk of invective was a perfect segue for Dame Slap, who decided to go full feral, though the pond must apologise for a cartoon leaking into the conversation ...

 

 

 

 

Lordy, long absent lordy, when somebody winds up Dame Slap and lets the clockwork explode ... with the only reptile strategy a few click bait videos as a distraction from the abuse. Why, if only Dame Slap had exploded like this before the election, things might have gone badly for the liar from the Shire ...

 

 

 

 

A person of either gender? Oh that's true to form, the spirit of Deves still lingers, but don't let it get in the way of the ongoing rant ...

Flaccid? The pond will pass by that one in silence, though it did wonder where this warrior Dame Slap had been these past few years. Sure, she'd never shown much liking for the liar from the Shire, but then she'd never really carried on like a feminist warrior either ... and yet suddenly she's lashing out, savaging everyone? It was both bemusing and amusing, in a way that only a visit to planet Janet above the faraway tree can be ...

 

 

Oh dear, John Howard? Really? Of course Dame Slap would forget her many attempts to sound in touch with the zeitgeist ... after the event, but head back to Crikey on 7th September 2007 and you will find many pundits doing it, though the header was Et tu too Janet Albrechtsen?

 

 

 

 

And so on and so on, and so to the Major, though this means that the Oreo must be sent to a late arvo slot ... and no doubt the pond's correspondent is wondering if the Major has the ability to change. Nah, not really ...

 

 

 

 

What's so funny about the Major rabbiting on about teal? Well the teal were given an endless scrutiny ... by a bunch of reptiles who managed to prove impotent and sublimely irrelevant. Anyone who wants to remember those days can visit Media Watch's Teal threat talk, with News Corp papers continue to target independent candidates as Sky's Paul Murray rallies his audience to stop what he calls the 'mad left' ...

 

 

 

 

 

The reptiles rabbited on interminably and tediously about the teals, until the pond had long run out of marimekko curtain jokes. But will the Major remember any of this? Well it seems it might have stuck in his craw, but as for repenting and apologising for grievous loonery, there's about as much chance of that happening as him finding that long lost Order of Lenin medal ...

 

 

 

 

 

Indeed not. Get thee to a nunnery ...

Sorry, the pond is a little light-headed and enjoying the Major's despair ... oh what a sweet wine, what a delightful nectar, to sup on the Major's tears ...

 

 

 

Indeed, indeed, but then the dog botherer himself has said, and the pond quotes, "That Australia needs to do its share of the lifting when it comes to reducing global emissions is incontestable."  

And that's why the pond is rolling the Jaffas down the aisle, just for the fun of the noise they make, as we head to a last Major gobbet, really only needed so the pond can get to the Rowe of the day ... 

 

 

And as for the reptiles? Singularly useless, completely impotent, a wretched failed Pravda with about as much point and credibility as RT celebrating that sociopath Vlad the impaler ...

And now without further ado, to the Rowe of the day, with more Rowe here ...