In which reptiles report in on sundry successful wars ...

 

What an awesome result, what a tremendous feat. 

No sooner had the Canavan caravan scribbled in the lizard Oz yesterday - and as noted in the pond - that we should whack an impost on iron ore to China than he got his heart's desire in relation to dinkum, clean, pure innocent Oz coal, and soon enough, mebbe iron ore ...

 

 

There's a lot more in the lizard Oz, the reptiles seem to be in something of a tizz at how well the war on China is going, but the pond will take it all on notice ...

All that needs to be said is well played Canavan caravan, sheer genius, you've got them trembling in their boots ...

And so to Dame Groan, herself doing a splendid job, oozing defiance, batting away that vile greenie, Boris  ...

 

 

Yes, yes, all that talk of climate science and climate change and such like is complete nonsense and fake news, and sure to stir Dame Groan to righteous indignation ...

 

 

Yes, yes, the action man is just doing it ... leading the way, but hang on a mo, half a tick, what was that about SloMo shunning the specious conference?

That's not the way it was reported as going down in the Graudian here ...

 

 

 

Never mind, not to worry, we always have Dame Groan to hand to speak of, and unveil SloMo's and Australia's (alleged) awesomeness, and dedication to climate science ... to the point of banning exports of coal and iron ore to China, no doubt to teach them a lesson about reducing emissions as well as a lesson in humility when confronted by awesomeness ... 

Carry on Dame Groan, and give Boris a good ravaging, because frankly, either way, it's a win-win for the pond...

 

Of course Dame Groan will be long gone before she can see the planet fully fucked to her complete satisfaction, but she will long be remembered for her many contributions to climate science ...

And so to the war on the ABC, and this day the lizards dragged a moth-eaten warrior out of the cupboard to carry on the feud ...

 

 

 

 

 

Cornered, trapped like rats in a sinking ship, outsmarted and out-manouevred, but hang on, hang on, who is this McGarrity (and no he's not related to Macavity)?

 

The poor lad was one of those Shiered in the old days, when many a good soul went down, as recorded in Variety here back on 27th June 2000...

 

 

 

 

 

Ah the pond remembers the day of the Shier long knives only too well, with some good friends finding out what it was like to have a fool foisted on them by a coalition government ...

But that was then, and now the war must continue, and battered, moth-eaten old warriors need to straggle back on stage to play their part ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it was such a flop the reptiles can't seem to stop talking about it, and nor can the coalition, dragging any old body out of the woodwork to have another go at it, and Ita, and anyone else in the vicinity ...

Why did they go with Ita? Why not a new Shier? He'd soon sort the ABC out, get rid of the dead wood, perhaps even privatise the ABC, or reduce it to a pay TV subscription model,  fulfilling the IPA dreaming ... there'd be no more stories about coalition hanky panky then, who would have any interest in a pollie preaching family values while fucking around?

We need to get back to the good old days when Billy could die on the job, and nobody blinked an eye.

But enough fond memories and idle speculation, on to the next gobbet ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, that ship of fools is doomed (not the coalition, but the ABC, the pond must hastily add).

All the same, the pond must confess to being disappointed. Surely the clarion call should ring out across the land ... what we need is another Shier, so that the ABC can be properly shiered ... and what's the bet that in the final gobbet our McGarrity the mystery bureaucrat will miss the chance, drop the bundle, and keep dreaming of revenge ...

 

 

Never mind, the pond is still delighted by the reptile progress this day in their many wars. 

There's the war on Australian coal and iron ore, the war on China, the war on climate science, the war on the planet, the war on Boris, the war on deep greenies, and the war on the ABC, and plenty of warrior reptiles to hand to bring us up to date on the state of the fighting ...

All the same, the pond still relies on the infallible Pope for the final word on progress, and the cunning plan to infiltrate Europe with an awesome agent for change, a fully kitted out follower of climate science fashions ...