In which the reptile wars continue on several fronts ...

 

 

The war on China or the war on big tech? So hard on a Monday to choose, and more on the war on China later,  but the pond has always had a soft spot for the Major and his ongoing, never ending hunt for that vanishing Order of Lenin medal, as enduring as the hunting of a snark, so come on down Major, be the first to get the proceedings of the royal order of reptiles under way ...

 

 

 

As always, the pond is indebted to the graphics department of the lizard Oz for their identification of the topic at hand, but that mention of the 70% allegedly controlled by the gangsters at Facebook and Google has an unfortunate echo of the some 70% of newspapers allegedly controlled by the gangsters of News Corp in the Australian market ...

Let's not quibble about precise percentages, let's carry on with the Major ...

 

Stop right there. The pond knew this Crikey story (in full here, if you can get behind the paywall) would come in handy:

Next time you see a News Corp employee or contributor, or a News Corp editorial, opining about fiscal policy in Australia, or how tax revenue should be spent, or how the economy should be run, there’s a simple question to bear in mind.
How much tax has the foreign-owned Coalition propaganda arm paid in tax in Australia in the five years to 2018-19? During that time News Australia Holdings has earned more than $360 million in profits from nearly $13.1 billion in revenue.
The answer, of course, is zero. It hasn’t paid a single cent in tax.
It’s a different story for News Australia Investments. In 2017-18 it reported $291 million in taxable income, on which it paid … $201,000 in tax. And no, there isn’t a zero missing.
Admittedly News Pay TV Financing — the vehicle for News Corp’s takeover of Foxtel and Premier Media Group nearly a decade ago — reported a $27 million profit way back in 2015-16. It paid tax on that that year: $8.2 million.
So, including everything, in five years News Corp has paid $8.5 million in tax on more than $680 million in profits and $13 billion in revenue.
In that time the Coalition has handed $40 million to it in untied grants, swamping even the miserable $8 million. The net position is that off revenues of more than $13 billion, taxpayers have actually paid the Murdochs more than $30 million.
All this is because News Corp is one of the worst tax rorters and dodgers in the country. That’s why, in 2015, the ATO deemed it the highest tax risk in the country.
The recently released ATO corporate tax data for 2018-19 — well before the pandemic — shows that the US-owned News Corp earned $2.1 billion in revenue, down from $2.4 billion the previous year, but claims to have made no profit at all — in contrast to previous years when profits where sneaked away offshore.
The numbers illustrate the extent to which News Corp has nothing to do with Australia and Australians. It is foreign-owned, Rupert Murdoch is a foreigner, and the company pays no tax in Australia.
Of course, that doesn’t prevent the company’s outlets from lecturing real Australians who live here and pay tax here about what they should do, how they should live and vote, and what fiscal and economic policies we should follow.

Indeed, indeed, never mind that nasty man, carry on with your lecture, Major ...

 

 

For no particular reason, except perhaps boredom, a sense of tedium and ennui, the reptiles interrupted the Major to show that they could assemble a set of brands, and the pond, always respectful of reptile procedures, includes the image for completeness ...

 

 

Duty done, but now the pond returns to the Major for a final gobbet ...

 

Strange. Out of all that verbiage, there was only one thing the pond could recall ...

The numbers illustrate the extent to which News Corp has nothing to do with Australia and Australians. It is foreign-owned, Rupert Murdoch is a foreigner, and the company pays no tax in Australia.
Of course, that doesn’t prevent the company’s outlets from lecturing real Australians who live here and pay tax here about what they should do, how they should live and vote, and what fiscal and economic policies we should follow.

And so to the other offerings for the day ...

 

 

 So much comedy, so little time.

The pond especially liked the line that the lizard Oz editorialist ran with, about the Donald's considerable legacy, and at risk what's more, and then there was the Caterist, and of course he's not just an expert in the movement of flood waters in quarries, he's also an expert in gender reassignment ...

Sadly the pond had room only for the opening gobbet, and then only because the Caterist's opening outbrust reminded the pond of a recent HBO documentary about serpent handlers in Alabama and an alleged attempted murder by a rather disturbed snake handler ... and the verses in Mark 16 that promoted the practice ...

Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen.
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen. (KJV here)

What sayeth the Caterist in his opening burst?

 

 

Now the pond has TG friends who know what it's like to be persecuted by religious fundamentalists, and not just Xians, but Islamics, Jews, Hindus, and the many other tribes of lovers of many imaginary friends. But the pond has always wondered how deeply devout the Caterist is in his adherence to Xianity ...

The pond hereby offers, free of charge, to send a good dozen red bellied blacks, from out Tamworth way, and a drink of the Caterists choice - perhaps a decent bleach, the pond hears it cures many ailments - to the Menzies Research Centre, so that the Caterist might pray and show his serpent handling and bleach drinking skills, deep in prayer, as a powerful way of making sure that TG folk feel humiliated, shamed and sinful ...

And now to the main fest of the day, speaking of authoritarianism as we must. First the war on China, with arms taken up this day by the Canavan caravan ...

 

 

What a great idea.

Oh they don't like it up 'em, do they sir,  and the pond is sure it was only a minor error on the part of the Canavan caravan that he didn't suggest an impost on dinkum, decent, pure, innocent Oz coal ...

 

Yes, let's bung it on. The coalition government has thus far handled the war with China in splendid style, and the mouse called Canavan that roared would no doubt teach these treacherous Orientals a lesson they wouldn't soon forget ...

 

Ah yes, finally, it came out like a little hoppy Queensland toad ... that line about adding value to coal ... because the value add to the planet of more coal-burning is incalculable ...

You have to hand it to the Canavan caravan, they really know how to get things on the move ...

And so to a final burst of authoritarianism, thanks to the impeccable logic of the Oreo ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed ... freedom can only come from compulsion. 

Everybody must do what the Oreo says, and if they don't, why dammit, then they must be made to click their heels and salute, and shout out jawohl, mein führer, or if the Oreo is too modest for such a title, perhaps just a jawohl, mein Kommandant ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, comrade Dan (Tehan, for those confused) knows how authoritarianism works, and the way forward for freedom of thought and speech, is compulsion and punitive financial penalties. They will think freely and speak freely, and that's an order, and if they don't like it, well, we all know that they don't like it up 'em, do they sir ...

 

 

Indeed, indeed, it should be compulsory for every employee to be able to destroy the integrity and reputation of News Corp, and the pond can't wait to read the Oreo's first column headed News Corp is full of shit, and I feel really shitty for regurgitating all the shit this shitty newspaper expects from me, when I'm just a humble reformed, recovering feminist ... of the deep fried Oreo kind ...

 

 

Dear sweet long absent lord, is it possible to have too much freedom of speech, too much American stupidity, too much by way of heart disease? 

Five deep fried Oreos contain 900 calories and have a total of 51 grams of sugar, 950 mg of sodium, and 48 grams of fat... Deep fried foods have been criticized for tying to various health problems. For instance, the saturated fat and trans fat in deep-fried foods increase risks for high cholesterol, heart disease, cancers and obesity.

The pond feels much the same way after chowing down on a filling course of reformed, recovering feminism ... because, oh yes, everyone knew what was coming. 

It was going to be more of the fucking Riddster, because the reptiles can never get enough brooding about the Riddster ... because there's nothing like teaching creationism in a biology course to improve University standards, and as for climate science denialism, value add the coal, the pond always says, because it'll really fix the planet ...

 
 

 

Yes, war is peace, and freedom is compulsion, and the arbitrary rule of comrade Dan and the Oreo will show the world the way forward ...

And so to a few cartoons, just to complete this Monday in reptile think land as the pond's year begins to draw rapidly to a close, and we celebrate the Donald's tremendous legacy ...