Surely it's a slow day at Snake Gully, and at News Corp too, and the pond fell to thinking, was there any way to survive nattering "Ned" so far up SloMo that no light was visible, and came up with an impeccable answer - the dog botherer up himself so far that no light was visible.
Some might think this is a rough equivalent to the amusement in The Wild Bunch ... scorpion v. ants.
That raises the tricky question of who is the scorpion, and who might win. The answer's obvious enough if you think of a relentless torrent of arse-licking words as ants...
Others might think that as the reptiles, and the pond, wind down for the year, this sort of entertainment is a bit like the one for which Joe was celebrated in Steele Rudd's book (Gutenberg here):
There had been a long stretch of dry weather, and we were cleaning out the waterhole. Dad was down the hole shovelling up the dirt; Joe squatted on the brink catching flies and letting them go again without their wings—a favourite amusement of his; while Dan and Dave cut a drain to turn the water that ran off the ridge into the hole—when it rained. Dad was feeling dry, and told Joe to fetch him a drink.
Joe said: "See first if this cove can fly with only one wing." Then he went, but returned and said: "There's no water in the bucket—Mother used the last drop to boil th' punkins," and renewed the fly-catching. Dad tried to spit, and was going to say something when Mother, half-way between the house and the waterhole, cried out that the grass paddock was all on fire. "So it is, Dad!" said Joe, slowly but surely dragging the head off a fly with finger and thumb.
Well here are the flies, so let's get on with the chores ...
Already the pond could feel the mind-numbing tedium setting in, and thought it only fair to confuse and conflate "Ned's" natter with the dog botherer blowing hard ...
And how about some cartoons, to remind us where we might have landed ...
Now back to Ned, with a snap of deep thinkers in deep thought ...
And now to do that Burroughs thing, and cut and paste in the first dog botherer image, and a cartoon to remind us where we might have been ...
Luckily the dog botherer is still warming up, girt by inanity and state premiers as he is ...
Meanwhile, Ned is off to a roaring start, but the few remaining folk at News Corp realised that without cartoons, they either needed some video clips or some headings to help make things seem organised ... because when you're a cheerleader blathering on, you need a little help ...
Well it's past time for the dog botherer to sally forth and deliver a salvo, along with a cartoon to remind us where we might have been ...
Oh that's an unfortunate choice. The dog botherer hears three fifths of fuck all at any time ... and so back to "Ned", nattering away with another header to help keep things organised ...
But what sayeth the dog botherer, and is there another cartoon to remind us where we might have been?
Oh come on, that's hardly fair ... a choice between a geeky nerd dog botherer in a trekkie fantasy, and a dumber than dumb and dumber movie choice ...
Back to "Ned's" copious portentous verbiage, bloviating arse-licking of the kind the world rarely sees, outside reptile HQ ...
Things aren't going well for the dog botherer - Ned's surely on top, with so many words, pouring out like frenzied fire ants, but the scorpion's not done yet, and he has the cartoons on his side ... and perhaps the reptiles will help him out with a snap of a wretched state premier ...
But let's face it, nothing can help the dog botherer and his blather up against the ever-flowing river ... even the stupidest, most stubborn rock must get worn down ...
The pond gets the sense that the dog botherer is running out of steam, and so are the cartoonists ...
And look, by some miracle, we have reached penultimate Ned ...
Oh fuck, is it possible to have too much of the glories of SloMo? No, no, we must have a giant slurpy of SloMo, and a last gulp of the dog botherer ...
Happy Xmas? Oh go and get fucked, you useless loon ... and anyway, shouldn't it be "merry"? Have you suddenly tried to crank up the war on Xmas?
Well as predicted, "Ned" would outlast any reptile, and so he gets the final uxorious word ...
Why did the pond bother?
A reptile so far up Josh and SloMo no light was visible; a dog botherer so up himself no light was visible?
Well, like Everest, it was there, and besides, it's no worse than picking the wings off flies, and with a bit of luck, the pond's cut and paste method has so conflated and confused and bewildered possible readers that they dropped away like flies ... which might have helped save their wings, or at least their sanity.
And best of all, at the end of the tedious journey, the pond is sometimes lucky enough to share a reading or a video with the infallible Pope ... careful with that mute button ... but do enjoy the taste of crispy fried koala ...
Good God , they are like an unholy tag team
ReplyDeleteHere's Ned the Nullified expounding his single most compelling conundrum: "In 2021, the test for Morrison and Frydenberg will be their capacity to remove the life supports and shift towards reforms based on enterprise and productivity..."
ReplyDeleteYep, that sure will be their "test" alright - just what "enterprise and productivity reforms" will they apply to News Corpse, for instance: maybe sack the entire staff and actually get some journalists and managers in ? Otherwise, just how enterprising and productive can the employees of a flailing, failing family "business" be ?
If we consider the Doggy Bov just for one, it all looks quite hopeless, really. For example, here he goes again about "the flu": "Although the flu kills the young as well as the old, we do not choose to bring the country to a standstill to combat it every winter - instead we spend billions of dollars on vaccine programs."
And, oh gosh has anybody noticed, that's exactly what we're about to do with COVID19, yes ? Except that we haven't had a vaccine until just about now, and countries that didn't lock down as effectively as Australia have suffered a total of more than 71million infection cases resulting in 1.59 million deaths worldwide. And the true numbers are likely to be somewhat higher. And getting higher every hour of every day in almost every part of the world.
None of which will ever penetrate even one nanometer into the brain of Doggy Bov. Ever. Now how 'enterprising and productive' is that ?
Oh god, oh god.
ReplyDeleteYou're just dawdling through the output - Ned is richly imagining an outcome where consultation with Sally McManus and Greg Combet never actually happened, the LNP simply pivoted 180 degrees on their actual reasons for existence because they are wonderful men of the moment. Sure, par for the course. Unadulterated horse hockey to make the key investors happy. Go ahead, do carry on.
But Doggy Bov! The poor lad, running his own race absent reality as always - Godwin, Iraq, Climate change, Abbott, Trump and finally hydroxychloriquine. There is no-one, anywhere on earth who backs the wrong side as often as Kenny. And we haven't mentioned his "How to Win at Twitter" seminars - shortly before he retired from twitter.
But he here reliably be - oscillating madly with counter-logical opinionating before delivering characteristically inaccurate horse-hockey: "Melbournians were not allowed to leave their city, their suburb or their home....". Wrong, wrong and wrong. I mean, who does he get data from? Dennis Shanahan??
My lived experience in Melbourne proves everything he write is incorrect. But I guess that's all par for the course as his litany of error and what some call a career comes bumbling to a close.
He's a real little bundle of joy isn't he; and apparently draws an audience only about half the size of that for a real reptile such as Alan Jones.
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